Even if we love them, having a family can be stressful. It’s pretty impossible to go through life and not have conflict in some way with our relatives in some regard. For some, however, that conflict is extreme, and sadly, it can lead to estrangement.
This is something one man, aka OP, is experiencing with his family, his mom specifically. He’s had some issues with his mom accepting his wife, and over the years his wife and mom have butted heads. Unfortunately, things escalated, and after years of not speaking to each other, they got back in contact and things just got worse.
Needing some advice on how to move forward, OP turned to Reddit.
Posting to Reddit’s AITA community, OP gave a rundown of what happened and the current issue.
“I love my mom. I wouldn't say we are close, but I do love her,” he began his Reddit post. “She's never had the best relationship with my wife, just a bit tense and awkward around each other.”
But things changed after OP’s wife did something that caused a rift. “Then my wife exposes my mom's relationship to the family before my mom was ready,” OP wrote.
His mom had apparently been in a secret relationship.
“My mom had told everyone how much she hated this man for years (and gone on some public smear campaign),” OP explained, “and I guess they weren't really officially dating at the time and she didn't want anyone to know.”
But his wife told people she found out they were together, and it soured his wife’s relationship with his mom.
“Honestly my wife was just gossiping, but I think my mom overreacted,” he wrote. “She went on a nasty rant about my wife and I cut her off for about six months. My mom has never really apologized and said we need to apologize to her.”
That was two years ago, and since then, a lot has changed, including OP’s mom planning to marry that guy.
“I did try to get her to reconcile with my wife, so they visited one time but that was a disaster and my mom feels my wife was an awful host,” OP shared with Reddit.
And then came the wedding. “My mom called me and invited me to the wedding, but said my wife can't come,” OP shared.
“She said she doesn't care if it is bad etiquette, my wife has treated her badly and she does not want to have to see her,” he explained.
“I said I was sorry but could not publicly disrespect my wife like that. My mom made a snarky comment about how she didn't actually expect any better from me, so I hung up.”
After telling his mom he wasn’t going, OP explained that his whole family started treating him differently.
“Now the entire family is treating me like trash. They are saying I need to suck it up because weddings are special and just let her have what she wants for one day, and then work on boundaries, and i owe it to her,” he explained.
“Her brother sent me a nasty message about how my wife gossiped, was a bad host, and how dare I expect my mom to follow etiquette when my wife can't,” he continued.
“I feel really bad but to be honest i'm not sure how much she even cares. We aren't close. the people she is actually close to are going to be there and I feel like I need to defend my wife.”
After sharing what happened, it was time for Redditors to chime in.
“Your wife wasn't gossiping,” one person wrote. “She was getting into your mother's business.”
“Your mother actively hid a relationship with a man she publicly hated. She has drama queen written all over her,” someone else shared. “Go and book a weekend away with your wife and leave the drama and its queen at home.”
“Sounds like [you’re] excusing your wife’s bad behavior by saying you & your mother have never been close,” another person wrote.
“It doesn't matter who it is in your life, you don't OWE anyone anything,” wrote one commenter. “You don't owe your mother time, just because she gave birth to you. You don't need to forgive people, and you certainly don't need to create boundaries after a certain event.”
Another person shared that they thought OP would be in the wrong if he did go to the wedding. “YWBTA to your wife, and only set yourself up for more boundary pushing from your mother,” the person wrote.
“Family is just the unfortunate people you are born with,” wrote another Redditor. “True family are the people you choose to be in your life, to be supportive and loving.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
