When it comes to mothers-in-law and “boundaries,” the two don’t often go hand-in-hand. Such is the case for one anonymous woman on Reddit, who says her MIL recently crossed a line by coming into her house uninvited. What’s more, she even used a code to get in, which the couple never gave her in the first place.
The story was recently shared on Reddit.
On the thread, the poster gives readers some background on her relationship with her MIL, which hasn’t always been peachy. In fact, she says that her MIL has “a huge problem with boundaries” that her husband constantly has to deal with, and this time, it really came to a head.
“While I was home alone, MIL let herself into our home using the code BIL gave her when he fed our cat while we were on vacation,” the poster explained. “He gave it to her when he couldn’t come over one day. We had no idea.”
Now, the code-sharing thing is more or less understandable under the circumstances. Still, you’d think it would only be used for that one particular situation. Instead, the MIL must have kept note of it for future reference, and took it upon herself to use it recently.
On the day of the 'incident,' the poster had stayed home unexpectedly.
“I don’t know if she knew we weren’t supposed to be home at that time, but I ended up staying home,” the woman explained. “She and my husband planned for her to drop something off at ‘some point’ in the coming days, but they didn’t plan a specific time because if no one was home, she was going to drop it off outside the door.”
The poster admits that she “vaguely” knew about these plans, but never in a million years did she think things would go down the way they did.
So, when she saw her MIL letting herself in uninvited … she kind of freaked.
“I sort of lost my cool,” the woman admitted. “First, because I was startled and a bit scared for a second (I always know when my husband comes home by the sound of the garage).” Once her MIL was standing in front of her, she couldn’t hold back.
“I raised my voice asking why she was here, how she let herself in, then I told her she can’t just do that, and that we’re going to change the code,” the poster recalled.
The MIL was somewhat speechless.
“She herself was stunned by my reaction (probably because I’ve always been super nice), [and] tried explaining herself,” the poster noted. Apparently, the reason she came inside was because she didn’t want anyone to steal the empty Tupperware she was leaving.
The MIL insisted that she'd never let herself into the house before.
In fact, she started tearing up once she was caught int he act, and apologized before quickly leaving. Unfortunately, though, that wound up making the whole thing even more awkward — and kind of frustrating.
“She is highly sensitive and kind of fragile,” the poster explained. “If my husband tells her he can’t do yet another thing for her, she will tear up and weakly say, ‘Oh, th-that’s ok …'”
But it’s not because she’s a meek or unassertive person. (Quite the opposite, actually.)
“The entire family believes it’s manipulation,” the poster explained. “[My husband has] learned (through therapy) not to immediately cede to her when she does that.”
Before long, that 'manipulative' side came out …
“She called husband crying, told him I screamed at her, insinuated she was ‘crazy,’ and made her feel ‘very, very unwelcome,'” the poster wrote. “Last part is true, but the first two are absolutely not.”
She now has a theory: “I believe if anyone raises their voice at her, she perceives that to be ‘screaming.’ She kept on telling him he can’t let me talk to her like that.” Oof.
Though the poster says her husband is 100% behind her, she can tell that he’s “worn out” by the whole thing, and that it’s created a lot of unnecessary tension.
So, now she’s asking the people of Reddit: Was she in he wrong, or was her MIL out of line?
A lot of people immediately backed her up.
“She let herself in using a code to the door you had no idea she had been given and did not have permission to have,” one person wrote. “You had every right to be upset. And, under the situation, you also had every right to make her feel unwelcome.”
“She didn’t even knock first!” another person pointed out. “She was 100% there to snoop using Tupperware as her cover.”
“What she did was trespass into your home, and that is a crime,” someone else commented. “Your BIL had no business giving the code out. Change the code and never give it to husband’s family again, because they’ve proved they have no regard for someone else’s home.”
A few people tried to play devil's advocate on this one.
“NTA, but not an ‘ideal’ response,” one person told her. That said, the commenter admitted they don’t blame her for being startled and even a bit pissed off by what happened.
A lot of people also speculated whether this wasn’t the MIL’s first time letting herself in.
“I guarantee you 100% that she’s let herself in before when you were both gone,” one person declared. Yikes.
The poster hasn’t followed up with an update yet, but one thing’s for sure: We’re willing to bet her MIL won’t make the same mistake again!
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