It can be hard to watch your kids grow up. You always want to be there to catch them when they fall, but eventually, they have to learn to walk on their own. When your child has her first job, it can be exciting. The teen can exert their independence while enjoying responsibility and financial freedom. Of course, you hope your child will be treated professionally and respectfully at work, but what if she's not? Is it OK to step in? One mom recently took to Reddit's AITA forum to see if she may have overstepped her boundaries as a mom.
A 42-year-old mother's 15-year-old daughter got her first job. The original poster was happy for her daughter and wanted her to assert her independence. Unfortunately, the daughter is on the timid side and has trouble speaking up. In the beginning, OP let it go and allowed her daughter to handle things on her own.
But when it started to get out of hand, the mom realized the job was not a good fit for the daughter, and that it was time to quit. OP got frustrated and took over. She ended up quitting the job on behalf of her daughter, and the daughter wasn't happy about it. OP wants to know if she is in the wrong.
OP's daughter is only 15.
OP's daughter is 15 and got a job as a hostess at a "mom-and-pop" restaurant. She was proud of her daughter and supported her from day one, helping with paperwork and ensuring she was there on time. Right off the bat, things were a little iffy, and the mom had some concerns.
"First week, she says she's tracking her time on a post-it note. She doesn't have a log-in to track her hours in their system. We tell her to make sure those hours get counted somehow and offer to speak to her manager. She asks us not to get involved, so we don't," she explained.
OP's daughter seemed clueless about what was going on at work.
OP wanted to know a bit more about the job, like how much her daughter would be paid and when, but her daughter had no idea. OP explained that her daughter is on the timid side, so they let it go.
In their state, kids 14 and 15 are only allowed to work three-hour shifts and must be finished before 7 p.m., but she noticed that her daughter was working longer shifts that went past 7 p.m., but again, she didn't get involved.
Things got pretty nasty at work.
Remember: OP's daughter is a kid and this is her first job. Of course, she is going to make a few mistakes. At one point, a customer mistreated her over something really small, and her boss did nothing about it.
"One dinner shift, a customer yelled at her on the phone for not knowing the full menu. OK, it happens. Said customer decided to come into the restaurant, ask for her, and berated her in person. While her manager stood by and did nothing. This infuriated me and I wanted so badly to call her manager and tell him he should support his staff and have their back. But she asked me to stay out of it."
She really wanted to get involved, but again … OP bit her tongue.
Finally, enough was enough.
OP's daughter finally had enough of the job and called OP, telling her that she wanted to quit. OP told her to finish her shift, that she didn't owe them anything else, and that she would be there to pick her up at 3 p.m. When she arrived, her daughter had given the manager two weeks' notice, which OP thought was "generous for a job she's held for all of 3 weeks."
When she went inside to let her daughter know she was there, a co-worker asserted that she was the one who would decide when her daughter could leave and told OP that she wasn't ready yet. At that point, OP had had enough and took over. She told her daughter it was time to go.
"As you can imagine, this irritated me, as she was told she was off at 3 p.m. and I was ready to go home. I told her to go clock out and go outside and I'd be out in a minute. I asked to speak to a manager," OP explained.
OP took over.
OP spoke to the head server about her daughter, and explained that while she appreciated the opportunity they had given her, she would not be returning for any more shifts and to leave her off the schedule going forward. When she let her daughter know what went down, it wasn't pretty.
"My daughter is furious with me. I explained to her that I tried to let her take the reins here, but she was not standing up for herself and being 15, I was not going to allow anyone to take advantage of her. She made the decision to quit I just pushed it along a bit faster," OP explained.
Now she wonders if it was wrong to "negate" her daughter's notice and essentially quit her job for her.
Redditors felt like OP was being protective, not overbearing.
One commenter pointed out that OP was helping her daughter to say things that she couldn't say for herself.
"NTA, sounds like you protected your daughter," the commenter wrote. "You gave her opportunities to handle the situation. They didn't respect labour laws. She couldn't speak up this time which is OK and you stepped in when it was getting too much. you are a great parent and she'll be thankful one day."
"I think with parenting a teenager there are certain times you need to step in and be a more proactive safety net, and I think this is exactly one of those times where you needed to step in rather than just let her continue to try, because she wasn't actually doing the things she needed to do to protect herself and was just getting further sucked in," another person commented.
People felt like the employers were mistreating OP's daughter.
Redditors quickly pointed out that the daughter's employers were taking advantage of the situation.
"NTA it's fully abusive and you got her out," one comment reads. "I would take this as a lesson to teach your daughter about how to not accept a job without clear definition, pay and that overworks her this much."
"NTA. I'm all for kids fighting their own battles, but in this case, they were COUNTING on her powerlessness because she's young," another pointed out. "She needed an adult to advocate for her here, or nothing would have changed."
Readers want OP's daughter to learn to be independent.
While many agreed that OP was simply doing what a mom should do and advocating for her child, some warned that he daughter needs to learn to be her own advocate.
"NTA and your kid isn't either," a Redditor noted. "She has every right to be embarrassed but ultimately something had to be done because her employer was clearly taking advantage of her. Teach your daughter to stand up for herself in her future endeavours."
"NAH but seriously start teaching her how to stand up for herself and ask these serious questions," another commenter warned. "Teach her what's acceptable in a workplace/from an employer and what isn't. Explain to her she'll be OK if she even got fired from that job as she's only 15. Let her practice how to do all this with you and in real life as these are very important skills and knowledge for her to have/know."
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