Is it possible to plan a wedding without family drama? We are starting to think that the answer is no. Someone is always angry or hurt or just there to stir the pot. Every day we read something new about a wedding not going as planned.
One man on Reddit says he had every intention of attending and being the best man in his sister's wedding until she announced it would be a kid-free wedding, which was when he decided against it.
The problem isn't the fact that kids aren't invited. The man posted in Reddit's AITA forum and explained that's not the issue. The problem is that his sister had already invited the kids to be the ring bearer and flower girl in the wedding and now she doesn't want them at the reception. It's a destination wedding, and the original poster sees no way to make this work, so he isn't going. Does that make him an a–hole?
The sister dropped a bomb on OP.
OP's sister is marrying his best friend. They invited his kids to be a part of the wedding, and everyone was excited. He planned to be the best man; of course, his wife would be his date. It all sounded great. Then his sister said that it was a child-free wedding.
"Now, that would be fine with my wife and I because we would just drop of my son and daughter at my wife's parents or with their godparents, but my sister had asked them to be the ring bearer and the flower girl. Apparently, they want the kids to perform their duties at the wedding but then not attend the reception," he wrote.
So who is going to take care of the kids?
This wedding takes place in the dead of winter in holiday cabins seven hours away from OP's house. Does his sister expect him to leave his kids in a cabin so he can attend the reception? Or does she want him to ditch his wife?
"That means either my wife or I will have to be there with them alone in the cabin while everyone is 'partying it up', but wait, I'm the best man and will be conducting the reception so it's just going to be my wife. What about food? My mom will give my wife 20 minutes to come in, grab some plates with food and come back because the mother of the bride can't be missing for too long," he wrote.
This cabin is not an ideal place to be stranded.
OP explained that there is little cell reception and that fire is the only heat source. He is not leaving his kids, who are younger than 7, to stay in that cabin alone. The family has been treating his wife like a regular wedding guest, not a family member, so she offered to stay with the kids because OP calls her a "people pleaser," but he isn't having that at all.
OP confronted the couple.
OP thinks his sister and best friend are being totally unreasonable. They are not willing to concede or compromise at all.
"I asked if my kids could attend until the toasts, games and food then all four of us would retire to the cabin and let them party, no. If we could go completely child-free and leave the kids behind, no. If I just attend the wedding and retire to the cabin after the wedding, no. My sister is against all of these ideas while the jack— has taken a temporary vow of silence," he explained.
Now, OP isn't going to the wedding.
Since his sister and her fiancé are unwilling to compromise and let his entire family be part of the wedding, OP told them that he would not attend at all. Of course, this caused all kinds of trouble, and the texts and calls started flying in.
The kids are hurt because they were invited to be in the wedding, which has now been taken away. OP's wife is still offering to stay back, but it's a whole mess. Is OP wrong to defend his family?
Are the kids just there for pictures or as members of the family?
Some Redditors got the impression that OP's sister and the fiancé want the kids there to be in the pictures but not really as a part of the special day. Some people were pretty savage.
"NTA If she wants child free then she does not need your kids as props," someone commented. "As a parent you have the right to not attend a child free wedding without guilt. Tell her she should hire some local children for the gig."
"Inviting the kids, using them as props, and then dismissing them and OP's wife after they're no longer useful for pictures is pretty f—ed up though, especially since it's your niece and nephew," another wrote.
"You can't throw your kids in the cloak room after the ceremony and pictures and then deal with them later," another person commented.
Who do they think will be watching the kids?
Do the bride and groom have kids? It doesn't seem like it. If they did, they would realize you don't just dump kids so an adult can have some fun.
"Frankly, your sister and 'friend' should pay for the sitter, and the cabin next to yours for the sitter to stay in," someone suggested.
"Anywho, NTA," another comment reads. "The bride/groom certainly did their best to make it impossible for OP. If they want child free, go all the way with it. If they really want a ring bearer/flower girl, they should at the very least be paying a rental fee to OP since the kids are supposed to magically disappear when they're no longer needed. Or, the happy couple to-be could hire them a local babysitter, considering OP is in the wedding party. How OP is expected to make this work is mind boggling."
Solid thinking.
OP, people feel you have your head and heart in the right place.
There were quite a few comments applauding OP for doing the right thing for his family.
"Bridezilla and groomzilla are being incredibly obtuse and rude to family," someone commented. "Kudos to you for prioritizing your wife and kids over family pressure.
How the bleep does someone have the gall to have a destination wedding, demand kids in the ceremony but ban them from the reception?"
Another person wrote: "Hold your head high, sir! You have your priorities straight: while your wife may be a people pleaser, deep down inside, you just reaffirmed and reassured her that your cherish your vows and earned some major brownie points as well."
"It seems like your sister and the fiancé are bending over backwards to make this inconvenient for you and to refuse all possible solutions," someone else commented. "It is possible that sister dear is trying to pull some power stunt to have her loving brother focus back and prioritize her one last time?"
Absolutely not the a--hole.
OP, your kids aren't pawns in someone else's game, and neither is your wife. Everyone here needs to be treated like family and not accessories. Your sister and her husband-to-be would be bending over backward to make this work if they wanted it to.
Reddit doesn't want you to waste your time or your money. Have a fun weekend — the four of you — and don't give it another thought. Maybe she'll look back at those photos someday and realize what she missed.
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