I do not know how to have acquaintances. I'm terrible at it, actually. I cannot maintain casual conversation; I abhor small talk. I've always tried to get to the "guts" of everyone I am friends with as soon as possible to see if there was potential there for a real and lasting friendship.
A result of this, my circle is incredibly small. But the thing about it is, everyone who is in it is someone I think the absolute world of. And to be honest, I'm triply lucky that this group is pretty large.
Conversely, it's deeply impacted the way I approach love and relationships. One of those viewpoints I've come to learn is a universal fact: We are not limited to one soul mate per lifetime. In fact, we can even have a few at once.
My husband and I have been together since we were 19 and 18 years old.
My husband is my first in practically every way. I grew up, got a career, became a mother and a wife all with him unwaveringly at my side.
He has had so many reasons to waver, and I'm beyond blessed he did not.
We're now in a space that I think is the healthiest we've ever been in. We are very symbiotic at this point. I'm lucky to have a partner who is fulfilling in so many ways.
And yet, my husband cannot fulfill my every. single. need.
Which is why I have friends; people I have chosen to have in my life who have also made the choice to have me in theirs.
I have best friends I can unload on when my husband is overwhelmed about something else, and I can make room to do the same for them. I can call them when my kid needs a ride from day care because I am stuck on a train. If they need a sitter so they can deal with a family emergency, I'm there with some Happy Meals for them.
We show up for one another in ways that are nurturing to the soul. What defines a soul mate better than that?
Sexual or romantic love is not synonymous with soul mates.
To me, a soul mate transcends that. You vibe on a different level. This isn't to say my husband isn't also one of my soul mates. He is, without a doubt, one of the people that I feel the most connected to.
But he isn't the only one for my soul. I'm not the only one for his either. But we share something truly beautiful and unique, one of those being the privilege to share a soul mate bond with our son, too.
If I relied solely on my husband for all of my emotional needs, where would that leave us?
Drained. Feeling inadequate. Extremely frustrated.
I can't imagine how we would not be if we had those impossible standards to meet for each other.
Now I would also argue this approach to soul mates and marriage is impossible if there isn't open and honest transparency. You have to get comfortable with getting uncomfortable with each other. There have been plenty of times when I explained to my husband why he wasn't my "person" for something emotional, especially when I wanted him to be. He has had to have the same talks with me. It kills your ego a bit, but it's worth it.
I feel parents especially could benefit from this outlook on soul mates.
We as a species are meant to thrive in community. We're extremely lucky to live in an age where that community doesn't necessarily have to be in close proximity. We create our soul mates through work and compromise and inclusion. It helps us to show up better for the little souls we are raising.
You can absolutely be a monogamous couple and have soul mates to connect with. Every relationship you have is special in its own way. You prioritize within reason who and how you spend your time on this earth.
I say find love and joy and nourishment in every pocket of the world you explore.
