It is not uncommon for a person to start a relationship with someone who already has children. It happens all the time. The transition can sometimes be tricky, but hopefully, everyone will get along. When the relationship gets serious and marriage comes up, it's also not uncommon for the partner to want to take on a parenting role. Does this mean that the new parent's family has to consider any kids that came before the marriage as their grandchildren?
A woman is beside herself with how her family treats her partner's son. She claims her mother is being pretty hateful toward the boy but fussing all over her biological baby. OP had enough and went off on her mom. She used some choice words but didn't think she was wrong, so she turned to Reddit's AITA forum to see what its members had to say.
The couple has been together for a few years.
OP is 23, and her partner, Tom, is 30. Tom has a son, Ethan, who is 14. When OP and Tom got together, she was 20 and he was 27. Even though the age difference between OP and Ethan is only nine years, they get along.
"I met Ethan when he was 10 almost 11, when I was 19 almost 20! (I previously wrote 22 almost 23, i got three hours of sleep. Forgive me ) At this point me and Tom were just friends so he didn't see harm in introducing me to Ethan. Not long after I met the pair, Ethans biological mom passed away from overdose, I only met her once when she was picking up her son," she explained.
She said that Ethan wasn't very close to his biological mom, and the death didn't hit him as hard as OP thought it would.
Initially, OP's family embraced Tom and Ethan.
When OP and Tom began their romantic relationship, her family was happy. Ethan decided that OP was the mother figure he always wanted and started calling her "mom."
"Ethan started calling me mom, on his own terms, and after some discussion with him, he told me that I was more of a mother to him in a year then his mom ever was. He was young and just wanted a mother's love so I gave that to him," she explained.
OP's mom started sending mixed signals.
OP's mom did not like Ethan calling her mom because she "wasn't comfortable being a grandmother yet." OP didn't care what her mother had to say and told her to deal with it. Then OP unexpectedly got pregnant with her daughter, and her mother went crazy over the new baby.
"Suddenly my mom was extatic to be a grandma, and would fuss all over the baby whilst I was pregnant. I noticed that she started to distance herself from Ethan a lot more then usual. It broke my heart but he told me that he didn't mind since 'She was just excited to have a baby in the family,'" she wrote.
The baby was born, and OP posted a pic on social media.
Understandably excited to add her baby girl, Hope, to her family, OP posted a photo to her Instagram account. Her mom was disappointed because she didn't get to announce the baby's birth, but she got over it and made her post on Facebook. But boy did she do something shady: She posted the same snap as OP but cropped Ethan out of it.
Who does that? Especially to a kid.
Grandma went on vacation and brought back souvenirs.
OP's mom went on a trip and brought back gifts for everyone. She mainly spoiled Hope, who is just a year old. She continued to pull gifts out of her bag like Santa Claus. Ethan patiently waited for his gift, but she didn't bring him anything.
"I didn't see anything a teenage boy would like," she told OP.
That was the end. OP was done with her mom at that point and told her that she needed to treat both of her children the same or the kids won't be coming around anymore.
The mom fired back, "Ethan is not your son." This obviously hurt Ethan, who was sobbing.
OP got very close to her mother and whispered, "You are a heartless b—- who only cares about herself."
Oh boy. Did she take it too far?
Let's talk about Ethan first.
This kid not only lost his mother at a young age, but he also found comfort in OP and loves her. She wants him as her son. She explained that she plans to adopt him. He is part of her family.
"NTA. Cut that woman out of your life. Ethan is just as much your kid as your daughter is. As someone who is adopted, it grinds my gears when people treat non-biological children as less than. She should be the one apologizing, not you," someone suggested.
"NTA at all. I was prepared for this to be another nightmare story but I'm glad you stuck up for Ethan," another person commented. "That boy has been through enough and has still opened his heart to you and his new sister. If you let your mother introduce this toxicity into your family now, the issues will only get worse and Ethan deserves better."
"My heart goes out to young Ethan. No child should be made to suffer from anyone. He IS your son," someone else wrote.
How can OP's mom be so heartless?
People don't understand how a grown woman could treat a child so terribly.
"I would go low contact in order to protect your kids," one person recommended. "If she is able to love the family members that married in, who obviously don't share blood with her, into the family then she should have no problem with him being adopted. So yes she is a heartless hypocrite."
"The line 'Ethan is not your son' is possibly the most cruel thing I've read on this forum," another person wrote. "And to say it In front of a child who just wants to be loved and accepted."
"Im so sick of this biological family bulls—. I see it too much in here and its just ridiculous really. Some people are just too stuck in their ways and can't see how messed up it is," another person complained. "The fact that she can watch your son cry and crop him out of pictures is honestly despicable. Its basically a grown woman bullying a child, and its disgusting. I dont care if they are not 'biologically your grandchild', its still a child and you are currently messing them up."
There is no question that OP's mom is the villain.
It should come as no surprise that there wasn't a single vote for OP being an a–hole. How could anyone think she is wrong? It was pretty obvious to the Reddit crowd that OP's mom doesn't understand what real love is. Somehow, she raised a daughter with compassion and kindness in her heart, qualities that her mother clearly doesn't possess.
OP, you are a great mom to both of your kids. Until your mother can get on grip on her behavior, Redditors say to stay away. No one needs that kind of toxicity in their life.
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