I come from a family that likes to gather. We use any excuse to break out the crock pots and folding chairs if it means some time together. Growing up, one of the best gatherings of the year was New Year’s Eve. So many of my core memories from my childhood revolve around party poppers, noise makers, and New Year’s resolutions.
The Resolutions of My Childhood
I remember my mom standing in front of my cousins, aunts and uncles, and friends as she passed around a jar that was for our resolutions on tiny scraps of paper. I wasn’t aware of what my loved ones wrote, but I developed a sense that the new year is a time to think, pray, and ponder our intentions for the coming seasons.
The timing of the holiday itself — nestled into the sleepy, dark, lazy days after the major winter holidays have passed — lends itself to introspection naturally. Although I didn’t see everyone’s resolutions, I remember hearing chatter about them. Quitting smoking, cutting back drinking, and losing weight topped the list.
There was also a smattering of goals for home repairs, savings, and new jobs. Even though I didn’t always understand what motivated adults to choose the specific things they did, I absolutely absorbed the message that January is a time to figure out what we can do better in the coming months. As a kid, my own resolutions usually sounded more like another Santa list. “Get a horse,” was a resolution I used for several years.
The Resolutions I Make as an Adult
As an adult, like most of us, I’ve had to sort through the traditions of my childhood to pick and chose what works for us. Weaving in traditions from both sides of our family as well as creating new traditions with our kids means the holidays don’t look exactly like mine did growing up. But many of the same elements remain.
For New Year’s Eve, we don’t throw a large party like my folks did. Instead, we usually have a few neighbors over earlier in the evening and ring in the new year snuggled up in our jammies. We let the kids pick a dinner made entirely of their favorite convenience foods. Last year we had SpaghettiOs and Kraft Mac & Cheese.
We also write down intentions with our kids. From a young age I’ve modeled by going first and then asking them what they are hopeful about in the coming year. Things like spending more time in nature, exploring new hobbies, working on yelling less and listening more, and playing more board games as a family have been some that I remember from recent years. I write them on a paper that I stow safely away until the following year, when we go over them and reflect back on how things went.
For our family, the intentions we set aren’t necessarily goals to be met. They cannot always be measured in a concrete way like weight loss or a smoking cessation goal. As they get older – my kids are 11, 9, 9, and 4 right now — they’ve started to take note of what we model for them. Thoughtful resolutions that increase curiosity, expand their minds, and improve family togetherness top the list. I’ll never forget when one of my kids asked me to write, “Fight less with my siblings” while they were literally fighting with their sibling.
What I Hope I'm Teaching My Kids
Just like there are things from my childhood that I absolutely want to pass down to my kids, there are some things I don’t. This isn’t a criticism of my parents or my childhood, but as we learn and grow, we change and do better for future generations.
The first thing I am adamant about is we don’t make resolutions about changing our bodies. As an elder millennial who grew up constantly bombarded with negative body talk from every angle, I graduated into adulthood with a slew of body issues and disordered eating, like many of us. My kids will never hear me make a resolution to lose weight, and they won’t make one either.
They can set the intention to improve their football passing skills, ride their bike more often, or take up tap dance. Trying new foods or learning to make a favorite dish are also amazing options. We celebrate the strong and powerful bodies we have, and I am always on board with resolutions that help us reinforce that.
I also won’t model for my kids any type of belief that New Year’s Eve is the only time we can make a big change. Quitting smoking or drinking are great lifestyle choices that can happen any day of the year, and I want my kids to know that they have the power to make positive changes for their body whenever they feel led to — not just because adults told them January 1st is the best day to do so.
My Intentions for This Year
As I look forward to 2023, I find my intentions feel even quieter and calmer than in years past. I’m not talking about goals. Goals are entirely different — I have a slew of professional goals that I am excited to tackle in the new year. Number and metrics are easy to examine and improve upon, for the most part. Intentions and resolutions, though? Those are harder.
This year I intend to embrace the cold, dark months of winter more. I’m realizing as I age that humans were not ever meant to keep up our summer energy year-round. I hope to intentionally slow things down, snuggle up with more books and movies, and give my household the pause it deserves before the weather breaks and activities ramp up again.
I also am resolute this year to part with things that I’ve held onto for the wrong reasons. Again, this isn’t a cleaning or clutter goal. I’ve done “one bag a day for all of January” challenges. They are a very effective way to meet decluttering goals.
This year, though, as I look at the too-much stuff in our house, my intention is to examine why I cling to things and to learn to part with them in a healthier manner. Getting rid of stuff is the goal, but figuring out why I accumulated it in the first place is my resolution.
My Kids’ Intentions for 2023
I did not actually ask my kids what their intentions are yet for 2023. I feared I would make it feel like another task, winter-break homework, or something they have to do rather than get to do. Instead, I plan to do what we have each previous year — have a conversation as a family that is full of healthy communication as we look both back and forward.
