Finding out that someone is sick is no laughing matter — especially if it's a family member. That is why one person still can’t believe the joke her sister made when she learned that her husband had breast cancer. “I told her to get out of my house and I won't be talking to her anymore unless she apologized to me and especially to J—,” she wrote. But now she wants to know if she overreacted.
The Original Poster’s 41-year-old husband recently received a devastating diagnosis.
As she explained in a since-deleted post, her husband, J—, found out he had cancer in August and was having a hard time with his diagnosis.
“J— had difficulty accepting the diagnosis as he can't believe a man can have this type of cancer,” the OP wrote. “He felt embarrassed and isolated.”
The diagnosis also took a toll on the OP’s mental health.
“I was diagnosed with depression,” she wrote.
Recently, they decided to have their families over for dinner to tell them the difficult news.
“It took us a while to come up with this decision and we both agreed that telling them about our circumstances can help us accept our situation,” she explained.
After dinner, her husband finally told everyone the truth.
Immediately, the OP’s MIL burst out crying — and although you would have thought the vibe would've been appropriately somber, one person took it as their responsibility to "lighten" the mood.
“My younger sister (J— 26) made a joke, she said ‘maybe the cancer cells got confused because you have huge man boobs,’" the OP wrote.
Wow.
The OP’s dad was furious and the OP pulled her sister out of the room and brought her into the kitchen.
“I told her she was being insensitive and cruel to make a joke about my husband,” the OP recalled. “She said I am blowing it out of proportion as she was just trying to lighten the mood. I got angry with her because instead of apologizing, she made excuses and called me too sensitive.”
Infuriated, the OP kicked the sister out but now is rethinking that actions after their parents said it was too harsh. Her sister had to call an Uber for a ride late at night because she'd come with their parents.
“I said her joke is unacceptable and I will only talk to her after an apology.”
Some people agreed with the family jokester: The OP was being too sensitive.
"Tell your husband to grow a pair of balls," one person commented. "She was just trying to lighten the mood not everyone deals with serious issues like everyone else. I think you and your husband need to get over yourselves and be glad he is alive to crack jokes at."
"Bit of an odd one, I guess everyone’s different but if I had breast cancer and someone made that joke, I’d probably laugh, so while maybe don’t say that stuff when everyone else is crying, I think making a joke to lighten the mood is great, people just need to lighten up," someone else agreed.
A third commenter pointed out that the OP's sister had to get her own ride home.
"Yes, the 'joke' was an a–hole move, and telling her to leave was the right reaction, but it sounds like you didn't even give her a chance to tell the others, so someone could arrange to take her home. If the group did know before she left and it was the group decision for her to take an Uber, then I'll change my vote."
But most people agreed the OP's sister had been thoughtless.
"Absolutely NTA, READ THE F—ING ROOM J— jezus," one commenter exclaimed. "Her joke is not a joke and the fact that that was her first reaction to finding out he has cancer is worrisome. I would not take her back after an apology. She can suck it."
"One does not brighten the mood by joking about cancer. Jokes at all are entirely likely to be tone deaf to the situation," someone else agreed.
"Maybe if she was 10 years old but a f—ing 26-year-old woman should know not to pull s— like that," a third commenter chimed in.
In the end, the OP hopes her sister will realize her mistake and soon apologize.
As the OP explained later in the thread, she will be leaning on a therapist during this tough time to cope, but in the meantime they're hoping her sister can mend things on her own.
"His doctor's prognosis is promising and we are seeing hope somehow," she wrote. "I am hoping J— understands why I reacted the way I did and would reach out to us soon."
