Sigh, men. Those of them who don't have their own beauty routines constantly question or comment on ours — without knowing a damn thing about the subject at hand.
When it comes to male musicians, that lack of knowledge translates directly into clueless song lyrics. And there are, surprisingly, a lot of them. Here are just a handful:
"What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction
The lyric: "Don't need makeup / To cover up / Being the way that you are is enough."
Um, excuse you: Whoa there, boys. That makeup's not there to "cover up." Don't question her level of confidence based on her desire to wear makeup. That's just silly.
"Champagne & Pools" by Hoodie Allen
The lyric: "You spend a hundred dollars on some damn shampoo / But it still smells like L'Oreal to me."
Um, excuse you: She's not buying expensive shampoo for its scent, dude. She's just trying to avoid cheap wax and parebens over here. Now let her spend her money how she damn well pleases.
"Wives and Lovers" by Frank Sinatra and Count Basie
The lyric: "Hey, little girl, comb your hair, fix your make-up / Soon he will open the door / Don't think because there's a ring on your finger / You needn't try any more."
Um, excuse you: Oh, please — she'll try whenever she feels like it. You probably won't even be there to witness it most of the time.
"No One Else" by Weezer
__The lyric: "__I want a girl who will laugh for no one else / When I'm away she puts her makeup on the shelf / When I'm away she never leaves the house / I want a girl who laughs for no one else."
Um, excuse you: YOUR GIRLFRIEND. DOES NOT. WEAR MAKEUP. FOR YOU. K, bye.
"Camouflage" by Rod Stewart
The lyric: "You wear too much mascara / Too much eyeliner / Too much rouge, and it worries me."
Um excuse you: Rod, calm down. There really isn't such a thing as too much mascara. And it's really none of your business, anyway.
"Lipstick" by Rockie Lynne
The lyric: "Let's go tonight / You can put your lipstick on while I drive."
Um, excuse you: No she cannot, because that's fucking impossible. YOU try to put on lipstick in a moving vehicle. It won't end well.
"Post March Third" by Southcott
The lyric: "How much eyeliner does it take / To hide the wrinkles your eyes keep / As the soundtrack to your lack of sleep."
Um, excuse you: That's concealer you're thinking of. Concealer.
"Big Louise" by Scott Walker
The lyric: "Her bathrobe's torn / And tears smudge her lipstick / And the neighbors just whisper all day."
Um, excuse you: Where the hell is she putting her lipstick? On her eyes?
"We're Gonna Go Fishin'" by Hank Locklin
The lyric: "We're gonna go fishin' next Saturday night / Lipstick, makeup, leave behind makeup, takes up too much time."
Um, excuse you: I have a hunch Hank is the kind of guy who complains about how long his girlfriend takes to do her makeup but tells her she looks ill when she saves the time and goes without.
"Drug Store Woman" by John Lee Hooker
The lyric: "I wouldn't have it / No drug store girl / Every time you see her / She's in the drug store / Buying makeup and that stuff / Lipstick and powder."
Um, excuse you: She's actually there to buy tampons.
