After 12 Years, My Husband’s Picky Eating Has Gotten Out of Control — Now I Refuse To Cook For Him

Having a partner who has issues with food can be trying. Often, it’s overwhelming for both people involved, but there are always ways you can work through them if you’re willing. A wife recently shared that her husband’s food sensitivities were beginning to cause a lot of stress on their relationship. As a result, she told him to start cooking for himself.

The wife has been going through a lot outside of her husband’s issues, including caring for her ailing parents. And according to the woman, the actual issues are only part of the problem. Her husband’s inability to help her is the real issue.

More from CafeMom: I Work Full Time & My Husband Expects I Maintain ‘SAHM-Level’ Housecleaning But Won’t Help

The woman has her hands full with her husband's health issues.

Asking for guidance in the Reddit AITA forum, the wife explained that she and her husband have been married for 12 years. Her husband is neurodivergent, and “struggles with day-to-day functioning.” She shared that he has had a lot of dietary things she’s been happy to accommodate over the years by cooking at home. But as a result, she does all the cooking.

She claims that any attempts her husband has made to cook “have lasted about one night before he is overwhelmed and frazzled.” So she always ends up taking that responsibility back.

Dinner isn’t the only task the woman has. She also pays “all the bills, manage the household, take care of the dogs, do the laundry, clean the house, and work my own jobs.”

More from CafeMom: Husband Calls Overworked Wife ‘Abusive’ for Refusing To Cook ‘Plain’ Meals for Him & Sons

Her husband has had new food restrictions come up over the years.

Upset man
Vuk Saric/iStock

The wife explained that her husband has been dealing with long COVID for the last few years. More recently, he has developed a series of allergies including “a reaction to our gas stove.” As a result, she has to cook their food differently. But now her husband has “an inability to tolerate chicken being baked in a tiny electric toaster oven” that she’s been using since she can’t use the stove.

“He has pursued no medical solution aside from an inhaler from his PCP,” she shared. “His symptoms are mysterious and variable. He has not seen an allergist or rheumatologist in spite of my pleading.”

She has also been dealing with an intense personal tragedy.

In the middle of all her husband’s issues, the woman was also caring for her sick father. After being sick for 10 months, her father died two weeks before her Reddit post.

“Since the death, my husband’s health issues about me cooking have arisen and have become the focal point of a tremendous amount of friction in our marriage and home life,” the wife wrote. “I am exhausted, I am traumatized by the death, I am lost, I am angry at not being able to cook in my own home unless I break my work day to do so. And even then it causes so much stress, which compounds my desperate sadness. It seems silly to grieve the loss of the ability to cook as I did, but I do.”

In her mind, the only way forward is to get rid of the responsibility altogether.

woman upset with husband
PeopleImages/iStock

Before writing her post, the woman told her husband that she needed to tap out. She told her “husband he can cook and shop for himself and I will cook and shop for myself and the dogs.” Naturally, he wasn’t happy with her decision.

“I feel like a miserable failure of a wife. But I am drowning,” she shared. “I had to put some sort of boundary down so that I could protect and nourish myself in this hard time.”

No one faulted her for the decision she made.

“From what it looks like OP, this marriage is a one way street,” one person wrote. “He can’t even cook for you nor himself because he gets overwhelmed? Does he seek help to help him function better as an adult? As I see it, you’re a full time maid with a full time job and other responsibilities.”

“I’ll be honest – he’s mean and selfish for expecting you to sacrifice your quality of life for all of his whatnot,” another commented, adding, “I would for sure stop cooking for him. I would cook my own food however I want to. I would tell him if he doesn’t go to multiple doctors to assess all this then the marriage is over.”

Another chimed in: “Your husband is an adult. He needs to help himself, and if he won’t do it by seeing doctors to figure out his problem, then HE needs to deal with his problem his way and not drag you down with him. I am so sorry that you are going through ALL of this. It’s not fair of your husband to put this on you.”

These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.