Making friends as an adult can be tricky. But sometimes, being friendly with your partner’s friend group can be even trickier, especially when they have a tight bond that was in place way before you were introduced. Coming into a relationship after the fact is like being perpetually lost until that rhythm is found, if it ever is. It gets exponentially weirder if the friend is the opposite sex of your partner because … what’s the actual backstory?
An original poster, aka OP, in Reddit’s AITA community is questioning whether she should continue to trust her gut, as she has been doing, or if she’s being paranoid. In our opinion, in matters of the heart, always trust your gut.
Proceed with caution, because shady lady behavior is ahead.
OP started by giving the rundown on some shady lady behavior.
“My husband’s primary residence is in Italy, mine is in the UK. On one of my trips to Italy, his housekeeper told me that the wife of my husband’s friend kept trying to visit him while I wasn’t there. She said she came over every single day even though most days he wasn’t even home or was working from home so didn’t even say hello to her.”
Umm, mi scusi! (That’s Italian for girl, stay in your lane!)
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The shady lady never gives up.
“We went out together as a group, so I brought it up to her when it was just the two of us and asked her to stop," OP shared. "I told her my husband doesn’t like being disturbed while he works so she should really arrange something instead of just turning up. She waved me off and acted like it was no big deal.
"I asked her several more times to stop but she continued to do it the minute I was back in the UK every single time.”
Is she acting Insecure or being gaslit?
In the end, OP was so fed up that she contacted the woman’s husband and asked him to tell his wife to stop coming to visit OP’s husband while she was out of the country. The husband wasn’t aware this was going on and said he would speak to his wife.
His wife is now angry at OP and is claiming OP is implying things about the type of woman she is. She also said OP was treating her like her husband’s property and OP was pathetic for telling him instead of just admitting she made OP insecure.
In the end, OP wrote, “My husband is mostly indifferent but also told me I had caused chaos in their friendship group as everybody knows what’s going on and it’s causing a lot of gossip.”
People on Reddit came to the rescue.
Redditors are nothing if not honest, and that is exactly what OP got: honest feedback.
One commenter felt like hubby has some culpability, writing, “I don’t like that OP’s husband hasn’t put a stop to it. OP found out through the house keeper, not her partner.”
In case anyone thought it was a cultural thing, think again, according to someone else. “Italian here. She was indeed trying to do something wrong,” the person wrote.
Another person agreed. “This woman refuses to stay in her lane, and you used a pit maneuver to sideline her.”
As did someone else, who wrote, “Stalking. The phrase everyone is missing is ‘stalking.'"
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This commenter had a compelling suggestion: “Give the Italian housekeeper a bonus, and let your friend group know what is going on from your end.”
OP might want to take heed of someone who came in with a little brutal honesty and shared what a lot of people were thinking: "The fact that your husband hasn’t put a stop to this behavior leads me to believe that he enjoys her attention and that there is likely a little slap and tickle being played behind your back.”
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