The sandwich generation is stressed out for many reasons, such as navigating difficult conversations with aging parents while continuing to care for young children.
But what if your parents suddenly found themselves in a tough spot and needed a place to stay? Would you let them move in? What about your in-laws? Are they welcome? Depending on the situation, it might be a tough call.
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One man’s Reddit post described why the sandwich generation is stressed out, detailing his personal story with his wife’s mother and her boyfriend, whom he believes did not prepare fully for the future. Their solution? They wanted to move in with him and his wife.
Here’s a closer look at the situation and how the original poster handled it, along with others’ opinions.
Not everyone has a great relationship with their parents.
The Reddit post outlined the following situation: A man and his wife have been married for 10 years and have a happy life. He explained in Reddit’s AITA forum that his wife doesn’t have a great relationship with her mother and has had minimal contact during their marriage.
After the man’s mother-in-law and her boyfriend decided to move back to town, however, they found themselves without a place to stay.
“Three years ago The wife’s mother and boyfriend moved out of state to go live with grandma. Years later (now) grandma passed and mother in law wants to come back to the area. They have unrealistic expectations of being able to find property as they both have very little income,” he wrote.
His wife's brothers want nothing to do with the situation.
The man’s brothers-in-law (there are two) have made it clear they don’t want their mom and her boyfriend moving in with them. They’ve basically told OP and their sister that the parents are their responsibility. They are the only ones who own their home and have space, so it seems like a perfect fit to everyone but them. The OP and his wife said they’d offer time and help, but a place to live is not happening.
“They basically made poor decisions and have some options but are treating us like we are the only option,” he wrote. “Now we are being pushed by each sibling to make a ‘temporary commitment’ to house mother in law boyfriend and animals. AWTA for standing our ground and not accommodating?”
No means no.
Redditors were pretty firm with OP and told him he needed to reiterate that they can’t live with him.
“NTA The decision to house MIL is not a committee decision among the family to pick you,” someone wrote. “No is a complete sentence.”
One commenter reminded OP of the backstory, commenting: “NTA, they lived with grandma for 3 years, and I am guessing they have saved nothing for this next phase of their lives. Two adults without children should be able to figure this out.”
OP needs to remember his wife and her mother don't have much of a relationship.
According to one person, this would almost be like strangers moving in.
“You know you’re NTA. Your wife isn’t close to her mother. Why would you move mom, BF, and the pets into your home?” the person commented. “Owning a home does not mean you have to house other people. The brothers can move in together and get a place big enough for mom if they want. Just tell them they’re on their own.”
This person agreed, writing, “NTA. People cut off parents for valid reasons. Having MIL in the home would be traumatic, not to mention an imposition.”
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There is a solution here, and it’s not new roommates.
As far as Redditors were concerned, OP and his wife don’t owe anyone a place to live. But one person made a fair suggestion on how he could help.
The person had a potential solution: “DO either one of them work? Are they old enough to be in senior subsidized housing? I would research senior housing in your area and also in the area they are currently in and send them that information along with the wording that they are not going to live with you and should avail themselves of your research.”
Of course, mothers-in-law demanding to move in isn’t always a standard situation, but it is one example of how the sandwich generation is stressed out, trying to care for both children and parents.
It’s a challenge many of us might face in the future, so it is worth considering how we would handle a similar situation.
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These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
