Somehow over the years in spite of my enthusiasm for It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and A Charlie Brown Christmas, I've managed to miss A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. I wasn't so lucky this year, and now I'm wishing I had that 26 minutes of my life back.
Charles M. Schulz clearly didn't care anymore by the time he got around to writing A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. The heart and soul are completely missing from this 1973 addition to the Halloween and Christmas classics. Like, Bon Voyage Charlie Brown and Lucy Must Be Traded, Charlie Brown, this Peanuts adventure should no longer be a yearly television event.
Why? Well, let me tell you.
First of all, all of the voices are lame. Lucy and Charlie Brown aren't even close to the original. Furthermore, Peppermint Patty is given a boy voice (I'm thinking it must have been a wink and a nod) and turns into an epic asshole.
Here's the situation: Peppermint "Patricia" Patty invites herself over to Chuck's house for a Thanksgiving dinner. Charlie Brown can't seem to pull it together enough to say a) I'm a kid, and I'm not in charge of my own destiny during the holidays, and b) Besides, the whole family is going to Grandma's.
Instead, in a wildly unrealistic turn, Charlie Brown — with the help of Snoopy, natch — breaks out a million toasters and makes toast, popcorn and candy for not only Peppermint Patty, but Marcy and Franklin. All this before it's time for the family to head to Grandma's condo. So Patty shows up and she's clearly taking testosterone, as she bellows, "This food sucks! What the hell's wrong with you Charlie Brown?!" Per usual, Linus has to help everyone find their moral center by giving a not-at-all gut wrenching speech about specific pilgrims, whom I've never heard about so am completely unmoved.
Eventually everyone gets in a station wagon and heads to Grandma's house, while Snoopy and Woodstock bring out the real Thanksgiving dinner, they'd apparently been hiding from everyone. WTF?
Honestly, I can't figure out how this ever came to be, but it's time for the airing of this show on national television to stop. You know it's super duper bad when Vince Guaraldi can't even save this turd.
__Did you watch Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving? Are you sorry?__
Image via TV Guide
