We don't like to admit it, but sometimes our kid make big BIG mistakes, and when they do, it's our job to discipline them in a way that feels fair. That is why one dad demanded that his daughter shave her head completely bald after she was caught making fun of another student who had lost all of her hair from chemotherapy. But after his bold parenting move, this dad is getting some major heat for his choice of punishment. He doesn't care what others think, however, and tells CafeMom that he believes it was a perfectly reasonable consequence for his girl's actions.
The problem started when the dad's 16-year-old got in trouble at school for making fun of another student who had lost her hair to chemo.
In a post that has since been deleted, the dad explained that he has full custody of his teenage daughter and was furious when she got in trouble for making fun of another girl "that lost her hair from cancer treatment. Including pulling off her wig."
The dad tells CafeMom that his daughter is dating the other girl's ex-boyfriend and of course this resulted in drama.
"They were having an argument in class about stupid teenage gossip regarding my daughter's boyfriend. At some point the other girl mentioned how my daughter's boyfriend was just using her for sex (this was actually a big shock to me as I had no idea she was sexually active) and called my daughter a slut. That's what escalated the situation and resulted in the wig incident. Supposedly they have been arguing in class ever since my daughter started dating the guy in question. Basically just stupid teenage 'he said she said' nonsense."
Knowing that there is some "pre-existing bad blood" between the two, dad still doesn't think any of it "even begins to excuse her behavior."
"Not how I've raised my daughter to treat people and it truly disgusted me to hear how she acted from her deputy principle," he wrote. "She showed no remorse. She tried to excuse her behavior by saying the girl in question deserved it. Again, I don't care what she said, that behavior is inexcusable."
Because talking didn't get them anywhere, the dad came up with two punishments: She could either live without technology OR she could shave her head completely bald.
Of course, his daughter chose to lose her hair over her cell phone, but that didn't mean she was happy about her choice.
Although both his daughter and his ex-wife went ballistic about the punishment, the dad was firm on making her follow through with it. "She will go to the hairdresser and get a cue ball haircut. As in, a completely shaved head, as bald as the hairdresser can do," he wrote. "No wig. She has to go to school like that until it grows back."
Now, dad says that everyone thinks he went overboard and mom is furious that "it will make her the target of bullying." But to dad, that's exactly the point — to teach her some compassion.
"I came up with the punishment because I thought my daughter had an extreme lack of empathy for the girl she bullied," he says. And added that her actions felt all the more personal because he lost his mother to breast cancer when he was in his 20s.
"My daughter knows this and that is what really disgusted me with her behavior," he says. "It demonstrated a complete and utter lack of empathy. I hoped that her going to school bald and walking a mile in the other girl's shoes would teach her a lesson."
Some people thought the punishment was way too harsh.
"Your daughter sucks for bullying that girl, obviously. But you went too far with this punishment," one person wrote in the comments.
"Your daughter is a bully because you are a bully," someone else added. "I seriously doubt this is the first time you used abuse and humiliation to 'teach her a lesson.'"
And another person wasn't afraid to tell it like it is, "There’s a term for what you did. It’s called child abuse," the person wrote. "Taking away her electronics would have been an appropriate punishment. Grounding her would have been an appropriate punishment. Disrespecting her right to bodily autonomy and humiliating her is not an appropriate punishment. She’s unlikely to learn from it and if anything it risks perpetuating a cycle of bullying."
Other people agreed that the dad needed to take a stand.
"The punishment was absolutely harsh, probably harsher than I would have done in your place (I can't say for certain, I'm not a parent). But she will see what kind of impact actions like hers have on the victim and that will teach her a very important lesson. If teaching her that lesson makes you the (expletive), perhaps the world needs a few more (expletives)," the person wrote.
"Everyone on here obviously has no clue how (expletive) kids can be," another person added. "I support your decision completely. You're her parent so you have every right to do this, it's not abusive, it's real life. If she's comfortable attacking someone for something they have no choice over she needs to see how it feels. Kids don't learn from compassion as much as we want them to, I'm not saying have no compassion but this isn't a situation where sitting them down and explaining the issue will suddenly make them a better person. And how is this punishment cruel or abusive… guess what… hair grows back, crazy I know, unlike the person she humiliated. Everyone here needs to get some perspective."
"This is an appropriate punishment for that behavior that will hopefully result in one child being compassionate and thinking empathetically before they start bullying people," added someone else.
The dad tells us that he doesn't mind if people disagree with his method. "As far as the backlash, I'll be honest and say it hasn't changed my opinion," he explains. "Most of the comments called it abuse. I really can't take that seriously, it's just a haircut and her hair will grow back."
He adds that although he learned that he's "clearly the minority in that subreddit, (…) I really didn't anticipate that level of vitriol. I can't complain though since the entire point of that subreddit is to judge other people, so I don't really mind."
As for his daughter, the dad says that she "is understandably upset at me." But the teen has yet to show "any remorse for her actions unfortunately and no apology in sight, (she's) definitely angry at me."
"If she shows genuine remorse I'd get her a temporary wig of some kind," he continues, "but as I say she hasn't done that yet."
