Whether we like it or not, there will come a day when each of our kids will start to learn about sex — what it is, what it looks like, how it's done — the whole nine yards. Ideally, they'd come to us first with their questions, but we all know that rarely happens. (And, let's be real, it's uncomfortable AF.) Plus, as more and more research shows, teens are increasingly learning about sex not from their parents or even from their friends — they're learning about sex from porn online. That's exactly what one dad on Reddit recently realized when he discovered his 14-year-old was watching illicit videos on the sly. But although he was completely fine with it, his new wife freaked out a little — and now, he's not sure what to think about the whole thing.
The anonymous dad says he found out his son was watching "adult videos" after recently checking into his internet security.
In a post that has since been deleted, the dad shared that he and his son Adam's mother are divorced, but that two weeks out of the month, Adam comes to stay with him in the home he shares with his second wife.
"I check our internet strictly for safety reasons," the dad explained, adding that, "I’ve noticed [my son] has been watching porn for a little over a year now."
And although he's already had "the Talk" with his teenager, the two have never talked about porn before. But now that his wife is a little weirded out by the idea of her stepson watching porn under their roof, he's wondering if he might have to.
"She was sitting beside me as I was checking the internet and saw that Adam watches porn and flipped out," he wrote. "What she basically said was that 'He’s too young to be exposed to that kind of stuff and I think it’s gross.' She also saw the title of some videos that had the words 'Stepmother' in it and got even angrier."
WOAH.
Now, the stepmom has demanded that the dad tell his son to stop watching pornography and to block it on the router.
"I told her no, because he’s grown enough to make that kind of decision on his own and I’d rather him be watching porn than getting a girl pregnant or doing drugs," the father argued. "This fight has been going on for a few days now and it’s starting to make me re-think my stance on it."
So, is he wrong if he thinks it's OK for his son to watch porn?
Online, people were pretty divided about the issue, but some definitely thought the dad was being too lax with his son's internet habits.
Many people had concerns that porn could teach his son the wrong things about sex.
"I think YTA for not having the porn talk," one person in the comments wrote. "Others have posted about some of the adverse effects of pornography (when used poorly) and it's important that he has some guidance in navigating adult concepts. I don't think [wife] is right — her personal preference about watching porn ('I think it's gross') is hers and she doesn't have to watch it. But you need to talk to him."
"I personally like porn but a lot of it shows a warped idea of what sex should be and how people should be treated," another person chimed in. "[Original Poster's son is too young to be looking at that stuff with no guidance from his parent."
A third commenter agreed that porn is probably not the best place to learn how to treat women. "It is very important that your son learns that porn is a terrible example of how men should treat women, how sex really works, and what actual consequences can occur. These are important lessons," the commenter advised. "It is inappropriate for you to dismiss you new wife's concerns about the kind of porn your son is watching. You seem to not care at all that it freaks her out. I'm not in your family and it freaks me out."
Others thought it was wrong to stifle his son's sexual curiosity.
These users argued that teens are going to be interested in sex no matter what, and if he confronts his son on the issue, he's going to make him feel shame for being curious.
"Your son is going to watch porn. You aren't going to stop it. So the bigger question is, how do you want this to play out?" one person asked. "Do you want to embarrass and shame him for doing something many, many people do, or do you want to be an adult here, understand he's not hurting anyone and treat it as it is, no big deal?"
At least one other person agreed with that idea.
"Not her son," the person wrote. "Please don't block his porn or make him feel ashamed of his habits."
"Being interested in sex at 14 is pretty normal, he shouldn't be shamed for it," a third commenter added.
Maybe the best thing this dad can do is have a second chat with his son and explain that what he's watching is not real life. (Though he'll probably have to leave the uncomfortable "stepmom" pornos out of it.)
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