Like other mothers around the world, I do my best to squeeze a few extra minutes out of the day in an attempt to cross off a few more items on my already jam-packed schedule. I'm a wife; mom of 5- and 4-year-old boys; a deputy editor; a grad school student; a new PTA volunteer; the PTSA delegate for my kindergarten son's school; a community advocate; and am currently working on two local policies to address inequities while advocating for my state to pass legislation for another.
On paper, I do a lot, and it's assumed I have it all together. But the truth is I don't. I'm far from perfect and constantly have to remind myself that I can't give my best to my family and the world if I don't first take time for myself.
My oldest entering kindergarten this fall threw a curve ball in my schedule.
I was already in the grocery store on the weekly for family needs, but now? It's almost on the daily. Thing 1 needs something for his kindergarten class — or a different snack to mix things up, because he's tired of goldfish. Thing 2 has an impromptu preschool party in his room and needs cookies that I don't have time to bake but the kiddos will enjoy regardless.
I'm so thankful to be able to work from home, which enables me to run around town before the start of my workday, because I honestly don't know how I would be able to fit errands and grocery shopping in — let alone cooking the food — as I'm usually out of the house in the evenings or in my hole studying.
The hustle of grad school aligned with my policy efforts in a perfect storm that became challenging to say the least.
Anyone who knows me knows all too well my personal quest to save the world. Yes, I realize it can't be saved, but that doesn't stop the call I feel in my heart to help alleviate the burdens people carry on their shoulders — due to unjust policies and discrimination — to make their walk through life a little easier to navigate. Outside of my family, working on policies to specifically address issues that continue to marginalize people — throughout my community, state, and the nation — gives me indescribable joy and a sense of purpose.
Most days, it just feels as if I'm coming and going in a land-mine-filled routine that's constantly on repeat.
PTA. Grad school. Advocacy work. Work-work that pays the bills. Repeat. I don't know if it's the Virgo in me or knowing so many women in my life who would give Wonder Woman a run for her money, but I'm guilty of trying to do so much and always with the mentality that I'll rest once my battery slows down.
But the older I get, the more I realize I'm no good to anybody if I try to be everything to everybody.
After the fourth (or maybe fifth, I've lost track) day of running around to various places in pursuit of peace on Earth, social justice, and being an involved parent in my sons' schools, I had to put myself in time-out. I was tired, worn down, and had everyone from my husband to my kiddos telling me to go to bed.
So I did.
In my quest to bend over backwards for others, I forgot how to take care of myself -- and that had to change.
I've made two mistakes over the years that I'm working to improve: trying to be everything to everyone, and carrying too much on my shoulders in fear nothing will get done. As easy as it is for me to dive head-first into things, I'm now learning the art of pulling back to ensure my days aren't solely filled with helping others out.
'Cause mama deserves some love and care, too.
Because, sometimes, being selfish is self-care.
And that's OK.
I'd be lying if I said scaling back and saying no don't bring feelings of guilt, but honestly, it's for the best. Though I'm not perfect (nowhere near it), I'm finding a better way to balance family life with work, grad school, activism pursuits, and PTA stuff that makes for an involved but not overtired Tanvier. Instead of filling my time with more pursuits, I'm leaving room for me — relaxing, getting pampered, or doing absolutely nothing — because I deserve it.
