As parents, the best thing we can do is be there for our kids. The older they get, the more we get to know about them as unique people. With so much going on in the world, it's not always easy for our kids to just talk about what is going on in their minds and in their lives. Most times, parents can pick up on things about their kids that the child might be hesitant or shy to share, whether it's for fear of embarrassment, judgement, or worse.
One Reddit dad wrote that he needed help deciding whether to approach his 20-year-old son who he thinks is gay. Although the dad had substance abuse issues of his own and wasn't there for his son during his younger years (until about age 12), he said his son was being mistreated by his mother and her boyfriend. The dad cleaned himself up and remains clean, and he gained full custody of the son.
The single dad admitted he's got the best son around. "He's absolutely my pride and joy," he wrote. "He's everything a man could want his son to be; he's uniquely kind and fiercely loyal, he's unflinchingly brave, he's incredibly generous and, despite the horrors he suffered as a child, he's unfailingly positive and sunny to the last. I cannot stress enough my pride in him."
Should the dad let his son know that it's OK to be gay?
The son was off to college and across the country.
When the son was 18, he got accepted into a top-ranking university on the other side of the country. The dad was sad to see him go, but "simultaneously overjoyed that he got into his first choice and was starting a new chapter in his life."
The dad and son see each other every month and the son is thriving in school.
For his second year at school, the son moved into an off-campus apartment.
The dad says his son now lives with his "friend" in the apartment.
"I've strongly suspected since his early teens that my son is gay, and I now more or less have confirmation that this is true and that his 'friend' is actually his boyfriend," the dad wrote.
In recent weeks, because of the current health situation, the son decided to come home and quarantine with dad.
The son told the dad that his friend would be left alone because he's Canadian and would have to make his way back to his family Canada. Apparently, the friend does not have the best relationship with his family.
So when the son asked if his friend could come home to the dad's house, the dad replied, "Of course, no problem."
They've all been living together for over a month now, and the dad is noticing the son and his roommate may be more than just friends.
"They think they're being subtle I know, but I've caught them doing coupley things on several occasions now," the dad explained.
"The 'friend' has slipped up a couple of times and called my son 'babe' and 'sweetie' in front of me, which I pretended not to notice for the sake of saving embarrassment. There have been nights where we'll be watching a film with the lights off and, thinking I can't see, my son will have his arm around the 'friend.' One day I walked into the lounge and I'm positive they'd just been kissing and were trying to cover it, though I admit I have no confirmation on that one."
A recent incident was all the confirmation the dad needed.
The dad doesn't want to assume anything about his son, but something that happened recently, seems to confirm his suspicions.
After waking very early one morning for his run, he went to check on his son.
"As far as I was told, my son was sleeping in his childhood room and his "friend" was in the guest room," the dad wrote. "I don't know what possessed me to do so, but on Tuesday morning I cracked my son's door open to check on him like I used to when he was a kid. Lo and behold, they're both asleep, snuggled up together, in my son's bed.
"That more or less solidified for me that they're together. I didn't say anything, just shut the door and went for my run, and I haven't mentioned it to them yet."
The dad is not sure if he should approach his son in support of the relationship or say nothing and let his son come to him in his own time.
"How do I let my son and his boyfriend know that I'm okay with them being a couple and they don't have to feel like they have to sneak around in my house?" the dad asked the Reddit community.
"I want them to be comfortable here and I want them to know I support them both no matter what. Or is that not a good idea? Am I better off leaving it alone and waiting until they tell me themselves, if they ever do?"
The dad added, "I obviously don't want to force either of them out of the closet, but at the same time I hate feeling as if they feel like they're being forced into the closet in my house."
Reddit commenters can't stop praising the dad for being so supportive to his son.
"You’re an awesome dad," the first commenter said. "I’m so glad you were able to clean up your life and become such an amazing father to your son. I hope he knows and sees that too."
"First congrats on cleaning your life up and being there for your son, keep being strong," another commenter offered.
"I have so many things to say about this post," someone else chimed in. "First my God you are an amazing human and father to get your life together and get your kid out of a terrible situation!!! You are awesome."
"All the other tragic [expletive] going down around us… I need to hear the happy ending! YOU ARE A GREAT PARENT," another commenter summed up.
Some people suggest the dad should write a note or text.
"I’m a lesbian and I can totally relate to what your son is doing and feeling," one commenter wrote. "I like the above advice in just referring to your son’s “friend” as his boyfriend. It’s casual and your tone will be the telltale sign in all of it."
"Just reassure your son its ok and that you'll love him no matter his sexuality," another commenter posted. "My friends dad left his son a sticky note for him to find that just said he loves him and approves of his boyfriend because he's such a gentleman lol."
"A simple way would be a little note. I like the text idea, but I’m a sentimental person and if my dad had left me a note saying how proud he is of me, and how welcome and wonderful my partner is, I think I’d probably cry (happily) and keep it forever," another commenter confessed.
"My mom sent me a text that said, “You never have to admit anything to me that you’re not comfortable with. But if Jasmine was ever more than a friend, I’d want to make sure she knew she was loved here too.”
It seems like this dad and son -- and the boyfriend -- are all in a good space.
The dad seems to be taking all the suggestions to heart, and it looks like he will be giving his son and his partner all the support they need.
As one commenter wrote: "If you like his boyfriend (it sounds like you do!) then I'd say something like, "I hope you know that boyfriend's name is always welcome in our family. It's clear he really cares about you, and having people like that in our lives is so important."
Referring to his son's friend, the dad replied: "I do like him very much! He's a good man, he likes rugby, he makes my boy happy and he cooks a fabulous hash brown. What more could a man want from a son in law haha."
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