Choosing to become a surrogate for another couple is an incredible, selfless gift. But it's also a major life decision that not everyone can handle. One woman on Reddit seems to be learning this the hard way, after agreeing to become a surrogate for her close friends before having regrets. Now, she's wondering whether she's done a terrible thing by backing out after getting their hopes up.
In her post, the 32-year-old woman says she's already a mom of one.
Her son is 7 years old, and the pair have been through some pretty trying times together. Just three years ago, her husband died, and his loss was such a painful and traumatic experience, it's taken them both a while to recover.
But in addition to the heavy emotional toll her husband's death has caused, it's also left her with some steep financial burdens she wasn't expecting.
At the same time, a friend has been struggling with infertility.
About six months ago, the friend approached her with a unique request: Would she ever consider being their surrogate?
"I immediately declined because I did not feel like I could handle it emotionally," the poster shared.
But after hearing no, the couple upped the ante and offered her more money.
"So much in fact that I felt like I had to say yes," the woman continued.
She admits now that the money is what ultimately swayed her.
"The money would have made my son's and my life a lot easier so I accepted," she shared.
And so, a contract was drawn up and signed about a month ago. As for the implantation procedure, that was supposed to take place this August.
But in the last week, her situation has changed -- and it's made her seriously rethink things.
She was offered a promotion at work — one that would give her the financial boost she's been needing — and it was pretty impossible to pass up.
"I was offered this promotion once before but it was so close to my husband's death that I did not feel like I was ready for the extra responsibility and the move that comes with it," she explained. "But now I feel ready."
Long story short: She accepted it.
"That also means that I won't need the money that would come from being a surrogate," she continued, which is why she finally made up her mind a few days ago: She was backing out.
"I never really wanted to [do it] in the first place," she explained.
But that meant she had to break the news to her friends -- and, in the process, break their contract.
Last weekend, she met up with the couple and tried to explain the situation.
"I told them that I had accepted the promotion and I would be moving away in September," she wrote.
Unfortunately, the news did NOT go over well.
"They accused me of leading them on and said I should have discussed the promotion with them first," the woman explained. "They said they will pay me even more if I agree to go through with the pregnancy. I said no my mind is made up. They were very upset and said I already signed the contract. I am pretty sure that they cannot make me do anything I don't want [to do] despite the contract."
Still, she's undergone a mix of emotions in the days since telling them.
"I feel bad about backing out and I expected them to be upset," she shared. "At the same time it's a very big thing and I really do not want to do it especially now that I don't need the money anymore. I also, maybe selfishly, want to take this promotion. After all I went to uni for five years to get a Master's degree and I want to progress in my career."
Then again …
"I'm starting to doubt my decision though because the couple keeps messaging me," she continued. "They say they are willing to double the money. I don't want it but I feel bad because they seem very desperate and I ruined their hopes."
In the comments, there were plenty of people who backed up the mom.
"No, legally they cannot force you to go through with the contract and give birth," one person assured her. "I'd recommend cutting contact."
"In US even if you agree to be a human subject for medical trials you can rescind your consent at any time," another person added. "I get the feeling the couple didn't go through a legitimate agency and they have no legal standing."
In fact, several people wondered aloud why the couple wouldn't go through an agency to begin with, since they seem to have money to throw around.
It remains unclear where the woman lives, however, which would determine whether the couple has legal grounds to begin with.
People also pointed out another thing the mom had in her favor: She never accepted any cash.
"So long as she hasn't accepted any money I think she should be okay," one person said. "I'm not sure what their damages would be — I feel like 'I'd have to pay more to go to a reputable agency' is unlikely to go down well with a court."
A lot of other people accused the couple of crossing boundaries.
"These people are emotionally manipulating you into signing a contract by offering you a ton of money, which is the only benefit to you," one person wrote. "They are not taking you or your son's emotional welfare into consideration. Also, consider this, they might be preying on you because they know you're emotionally distressed from previous experiences."
Others questioned why the couple kept pushing her, even when she was clearly uncomfortable.
"I wonder why they feel the need to use you in particular," one person wrote. "Why can't they just go through an agency? Why were they pressuring you in the first place?"
In the end, most people had the same advice: She should cut ties now -- before this gets even more tense.
"I'd cut all contact with them because no one is going to change their mind here," one commenter wrote. "You only agreed because they kept pressuring you with more money. They were totally willing to take advantage of your situation being a young widow struggling to establish financial stability for your family."
As for any guilt she might still be carrying, she should make peace with that now.
"Your body, your choice," a Redditor wrote. "I understand they're disappointed but you're a person, not an incubator and you need to do what's best for you and your son."
Amen to that.
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