There comes a day, and it will feel utterly out of nowhere, when our kids stop being the affectionate little snuggle bugs we always knew them to be. The days of "I luh you mama" and "I get a hugs?!" will morph into those with moody teens who sometimes just need to feel out their feelings before returning to affectionate creatures again.
A mom on Reddit, though, took action when faced with her teen's affection withdrawal and thought she was doing the right thing by forcing her to be affectionate.
For reasons unknown to her, the mom says her daughter totally shut down in the love department.
"So for whatever reason my 15 year-old daughter has taken a real issue with saying 'I love you' or hugs, I've spoken to her about it but she just kind of laughs it off," she explained. "I'll say goodnight love you and she'll say something like 'Ha! Ok good for you.' Now I'd take that personal if she didn't also say it to my husband and her siblings. She also completely rejects hugs."
It even happens when parting from family members.
"I was picking her up from her father's when he said 'see you later, love you' and her siblings said it back but all she said was 'yeah ok,' I don't get it," said the mom. "He went in to hug her and she dodged."
Having had enough of her attitude, the mom felt compelled to teach her a lesson.
"I apologised and said she's just going through an awkward teen phase and told her to hug him goodbye, she got all awkward and some relatives who were at her fathers (stepmother, grandmother, aunt and siblings) laughed at how awkward it was," she said.
The teen did not take kindly to it.
"She stormed up to her room when we got home and called me a [expletive]," the mom said. "My husband thinks maybe I crossed a line and should apologise but I didn't laugh? All I wanted her to do is hug her dad."
Was that so wrong?
Yes, at least according to the good people of Reddit. Forcing her daughter to hug someone was pretty wrong.
"Don't force her to hug people she doesn't want to hug, " a reader flat-out wrote. "It's her body. Have an actual conversation with her about why she feels weird about saying 'I love you' (which could just be normal teenager stuff) but don't force her to touch or be touched by people when she doesn't want to. It doesn't matter who they are."
Others noted that her daughter was setting boundaries and the mom was breaking them and teaching her an unhealthy lesson.
"You are teaching her that her personal boundaries do not matter," wrote another concerned reader. "She doesn't have to give hugs if she doesn't want to. The real issue here isn't what she is doing, it's why she is doing it. That is what you should be more concerned about."
Another person warned the mom there might be something insidious happening here too.
"Have you considered the possibility that someone has molested her?" a person bluntly asked. "I ask this because, at a lot older than she is, I am still uncomfortable with hugging people/being touched because I was molested when I was younger. She might not feel free to tell you about it if that has happened, particularly if you're forcing her into physical contact when she clearly doesn't want it."
Although we hope that this is just an awkward teen phase, we hope this mama gets to the root of the problem.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
