TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains information about infant loss, which may be triggering to some.
The stress and fears around miscarrying a pregnancy can be a lot to handle if you've struggled to conceive. One woman seems truly in the thick of it, however, after learning that one of her twins absorbed the other one while in utero — and now she can't shake the thought that her baby is a murderer.
After seven long years, the woman and her partner were "ecstatic" to find out that they were pregnant with twins.
But as her partner explained in a post on the r/relationship_advice forum, a few weeks later their happiness was dimmed.
"Our doctor is checking for heartbeats and he only finds one," the Original Poster (OP) wrote.
They went for another ultrasound and found out that one of their twins died and was absorbed by the other.
"Which is why my wife had no glaring miscarriage symptoms," the OP explained.
At first the OP's wife was fine with the whole thing.
Then the serial killer jokes started.
"She started joking that our baby would grow up to be a serial killer as 'he already has one checked off,'" the OP recalled.
It was sort of funny -- until it wasn't.
All too soon it became clear that "the idea our unborn fetus somehow murdered its twin intentionally was no longer a joke in my wife’s mind," the OP wrote.
"I tried explaining the fetus had passed on its own, it hadn't been absorbed to death," the worried partner continued. "This didn't work so I asked our doctor, her gynecologist, her mother, her sister and her dad to all try explaining it too but it was no use. She has fully convinced herself that our unborn child is a murderer."
OP's mom is trying to put things in perspective and think it's all pregnancy hormones.
But the OP knows that sometimes when hormone levels drop it "can actually make people even more unpredictable and I hate to say this about my wife, but dangerous."
The anonymous OP doesn't want to leave his or her wife, but OP isn't exactly sure how to handle this either.
"We've waited so long to be parents together and I know this isn't my wife, she is just grieving," the OP explained. "The multiple ultrasounds have put us badly in the negative after already being screwed over by COVID-19 so we can't afford therapy for a little while."
Most people in the comments agreed -- the OP's wife needed help. Big time.
"She’s reacting to trauma. Multiple miscarriages and infertility can result in PTSD, she should seek professional help or a support group," one commenter wrote. "There is free therapy available, and specialized resources available for pregnant women. Many people do not know about these resources and assume they cannot afford it. Support groups are free."
"Yep. The anxiety of a fragile pregnancy coupled with riding the hormone dragon is going to do a heck of a number on your brain," someone else agreed. "She needs support and counselling."
"Approach this as the death of a child. A child she had never known, but had already loved," a third commenter suggested. "My suspicion is that she is emotionally distancing herself from the remaining fetus in case this fetus dies unexpectedly too."
We're not going to disagree with the Reddit peanut gallery on this one. After seven years of trying, it shouldn't be a surprise that any hiccups in their pregnancy would throw the OP's wife off-kilter. She absolutely needs a good therapist of counselor to talk to, and it might be worth asking their doctor for some free resources to get help dealing with this loss.
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