You know the rule about how you should never have a baby to save a relationship? Well, one man on Reddit is all the proof you need that this is a capital B for Bad idea after his wife confessed her “surprise” pregnancy wasn’t much of a surprise at all — to her. It sort of worked out for the best, but now the dad is wondering if he’s wrong for feeling a little betrayed by his wife.
The couple dated for three years before his now-wife got pregnant.
At the time, things were looking bad for the Original Poster (OP) and his wife.
“I started feeling like we were drifting apart and that the relationship was reaching its natural conclusion and I ended the relationship,” he wrote in a since-deleted post.
A month later, his now-wife told him that she was pregnant.
He completely trusted that she got accidentally pregnant, and his son was born in September 2018. The next May, they got married, and so far they’ve had a “pretty happy marriage overall.”
The OP has no reason to believe that his wife doesn’t love their son.
“I just always wanted to be a dad and have kids and she never saw it in her life plan (another part of the reason why I felt like things weren't going to work, because I really prioritized having a family),” he explained. “The dynamic does work for us and like I said I never had any reason to suspect that she didn't love our son or enjoy being a mom.”
But his wife recently dropped a bomb on him that has him doubting everything.
The OP is ready to have a second child. He comes from a big family of eight, and their son is now old enough that “it seems like a possibility.”
His wife, however, had been putting off the conversation until she finally spilled the beans.
“Tonight my wife admitted that she actually planned her pregnancy with our son but that she didn't really want the baby at all, she just wanted to keep me around/knew that if she was pregnant I wouldn't break up with her/knew that I would get back together with her, but she planned it just so I would stay with her and she doesn't actually enjoy having him, she just wanted to be with me,” he wrote.
Understandably, the OP was shocked and hurt.
He wrote that he doesn’t really know how to feel about the admission.
“On one hand I feel like, well, everyone got what they wanted so it's fine, right? But at the same time, I feel like I've been lied to for years AND the fact that my wife admitted to not enjoying our son is weighing on my heart,” he explained.
“Is it unreasonable for me to feel this way?” he wondered. “What would you do if you were in my shoes? I wish I could go back to before I knew this and just continue living my life the way it was… but I don't know if I can now.”
People in the comment section were equally horrified.
"This is one of the worst things she could have done. She used an innocent baby's life to manipulate you instead of accepting that you weren't meant to be and move on," one commenter wrote. "And even now, she doesn't really see anything wrong with it. Time to put all plans on hold, and go to individual and couple's counseling. Chances are high that you won't get over this….. Your poor son."
"My mom basically did this to my dad. Yes, I did find out, and yes it absolutely colored the way I viewed her for the rest of her life," someone else explained. "Hopefully your wife isn’t as terrible as my mom was, and that all flavors of counseling helps you all move on (whether together or separately). Good luck."
A third person was ready for the OP to call it quits.
"I would definitely try to get proof that she's not interested in being a mother for custody reasons," the person advised. "I'd divorce her and get full custody of the kid. There's no reason to be with her."
There were a few who could understand the reasons behind what she did.
"What a weird thing to be upset about. Life is [too] short bro," one commenter wrote.
Another person agreed. "I mean, it's not cool to do to someone — but don't be oversensitive about how it will affect your son. From his standpoint it is no different than the parents who are considering a divorce then come up with a last ditch effort to keep the marriage together by having a child. That's how I got here. And going by my memory, that's how my sister got here too."
"Everyone is going to tell you she is bad, but she could be going through postpartum depression," a third commenter guessed. "When going through this one could say mean insensitive things that they regret, but would only realize after the fact. Your child is still young, and your wife isn't out of the woods just yet. Just try to be supportive as best as you can."
It's a weird, strange situation, but as many other commenters pointed out, the person who suffers the most is the OP's son.
"I'm so sad for him, man. like, unfathomably sad," the dad wrote later in the thread. "I hope he never, ever finds out that's how his mom feels. I'm sure everybody feels this way but he's just the best kid in the world and I love him so much and I don't know how to cope with this?"
Hopefully, the OP will think long and hard before deciding if he wants to have another baby with his wife, but for now he should just focus on caring for the child they already have.
"The hardest part is just the heaviness of knowing that she just sees him as the means to have gotten something she wanted and doesn't share this bond and love," he wrote.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
