As parents and partners, one of the finest lines we have to walk is the one between keeping our children happy and also keeping our partners happy. Taking sides is never an easy decision because someone is going to be angry. But sometimes there is one person who needs you more than the other.
A dad on Reddit is finding himself caught between his daughter’s desire to quit gymnastics, which is quite demanding, and his wife, who doesn’t want their daughter to quit. The question is: Is his daughter’s happiness worth his wife being mad at him?
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He understands where his daughter is coming from.
The man turned to Reddit’s AITA to ask “WIBTA if I withdrew my daughter from sports against my wife’s wishes?”
“My daughter (15f)is a competitive gymnast. Her team travels all over the country to compete. She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing because her body hurts, she is at the gym 14 hours a week, she lacks the drive and passion for the sport and she wants to do more high school things and concentrate on her studies. She is a honor roll student and takes AP classes in sophomore year,” he began.
His wife has a list of concerns.
“My wife (43f) is against it because my daughter’s season just started and she made a commitment to the team and she should see it through. We also spent $1,800 this summer on camps and sessions to help her get better . She thinks my daughter will be become lazy and want to hang out with friends and her chores and school work will suffer,” he continued.
He feels 'stuck' trying to make the right decision.
“I (43m)understand my wife’s point about the commitment to the team and the money,” he wrote. “I also understand my daughters point about being sore as I used to be weightlifter and wanting to be more active in high school. I am trying to find middle ground but I don’t think it exists. My gut is to protect my daughter and withdraw her but I know it will put me in the dog house big time. I feel stuck between a rock and hard place.”
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People were encouraging him to stand with his daughter.
Most people in the replies did not find him at fault, instead encouraging him to take his daughter’s side in the argument.
“Also, listen to your daughter,” one person wrote. “Her reasons for wanting to stop the sport are valid. Forget about the money, that’s gone. And about her behaviour, I’m kind of shocked that your wife doesn’t believe in her own daughter – really, an honor roll AP student isn’t going to change overnight. It sounds like your wife is one of those dance moms, only for gymnastics.”
“The $1800 is gone, no matter what,” one comment began. “It’s not coming back. So you can be out $1800 and have a miserable, resentful child or you can be out $1800 and have a happy, balanced child. As for the commitment to the team, it happens. Yes, it’s important to honor your obligations but it’s also important to learn that you don’t have to sacrifice yourself for others. If your daughter is no longer on this team, are we talking about girls that won’t be able to make it to the Olympics because of it? Most likely not. No one is irreplaceable, and someone will take her place.”
Another commenter wrote: “I get where you’re both coming from, but you have to put your kid first. You’re her advocate. I would also sit down and have a longer conversation with your daughter about her feelings towards gymnastics. It’s very possible that she has been feeling this way for a while but was afraid to say anything, or didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Her mental and physical health should come before any else. Also from a safety perspective, if her heart isn’t in it then your daughter is at a greater risk of being distracted and getting hurt.”
Others shared stories of how they allowed their kids to make their own decisions.
“I was like your daughter back in middle school,” one person wrote. “I wanted to quit gymnastics to focus on school and have more free time, my body was in pain with severe tendinitis, I lacked the drive etc. My mom don’t want me to quit but eventually she let me and I’ve never really regretted it. After quitting I did other sports like cheerleading and diving. Your daughter should be able to make this decision herself and she is old enough to know what she wants. She is also getting to the age where most people I know ended up quitting gymnastics anyways, if you don’t desire to pursue it in college then it’s a lot harder to continue with the sport after 18.”
“If her body hurts it is trying to warn her something is wrong,” another person wrote. “Your wife is the AH, as it seems only to do with money. If your daughter continues, and injures herself, or worse permanently has health issues because of not stopping it will cost a LOT more money and pain. My eldest daughter did ballet from age 3 to 16. Just before her 17th she said, she was tired, her joints hurt, her feet were jacked from pointe, and she knew she would never be a prima ballerina, and it was not worth destroying her body. Okay, then focus on school. She did, and now as a married woman, she is currently going for her PhD, and is happy and healthy.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
