Making connections as a parent can be hard. Trying to find other parents who have similar ideals and parenting styles as you can be exhausting. But many parents keep trying to make those small connections work for the sake of their kids. One goth dad is trying to find a balance between his identity and the needs of his children.
His concerns that other kids won’t be allowed to play with his children because of his appearance are certainly valid — as moms, many of us have been there. When he reached out for advice on an parenting forum, it was a mixed bag.
Where he lives is making him question himself.
The goth dad posted on Reddit’s r/daddit community asking for opinions on his situation. He explained that he has a 2-year-old and a 6-year-old. He moved to Utah from Chicago, “quite a while ago,” he said. However, “hanging out in the parenting world of Utah is new for me,” he noted.
As a man who is 6-foot-7, he doesn’t exactly blend in, but worries his style of “skulls and arm bands, couple chains on legs, and rings” makes him stand out too much.
An interaction with a parent on the playground left him unsettled.
He said he is used to getting looks when he’s out and about in his area. “But today at the park, I don’t know, it felt like this lady was afraid of me?” he wrote. The dad claims that he keeps to himself at the park and smiles “a lot” because he knows he’s “intimidating.”
“After playing a while my daughter comes up crying. I ask her what’s wrong, and she tells me ‘my friend’s mom said I can’t play with you.’ I look over and it’s that same lady and she hurries and looks away,” he said.
That wasn’t the only comment made while he was at the park.
“Later on, I’m holding my 2 year olds hand, walking him to the swings, and I overhear another kid (he practically yelled it, young kid) go, ‘ooh stay away from that guy. Stay away. My mom says he’s bad.’ Like wtf?” he wrote.
The man went on to add that he had “done nothing and said nothing to these people.” So he couldn’t understand why he was a target. Unfortunately, he did feel concerned that maybe it was his clothing.
“Should I dress more in the northern Utah style for my kids?” he asked. “I already struggle with going out into public.” He then added a photo but removed it, instead sharing it in the comments.
Some people advised him to ‘grow up’ and change his style.
“I’m gonna be honest with you, and with love as a metalhead, that’s kinda cringe my dude,” one person wrote. “Your clothes don’t define you, and it sounds like your choice to dress like not-a-dad is going to force your kids to be outcasts. It’s fine for us to be weirdo outcasts, we’re adults, but you live in Mormon country and your kids don’t get to choose who they see day to day at school.”
Another person shared: “This probably isn’t what you want to hear but personally I would change just about any aspect of my style if it caused distress to my children or impacted them in the way you describe. I dunno. I brought them into the world so their happiness far outweighs my clothing preferences.”
Many more people believed that he should stay true to himself and not ‘dim your light.’
“As a punk mom, I completely agree that OP should keep the style,” one mom wrote. “It helps me weed out undesirable friend potentials. The moms who don’t want my child near theirs because of the way I look are not the ones I want assisting me in guiding my child.”
“No you should model the behavior you want to see — positive self expression, acceptance of differences, and kindness,” another commenter shared. “Be your best self, the dad your kid believes you to be, and show up strong. Make an extra effort to take the first step connecting w/other parents and the better ones will meet you halfway.”
Another weighed in: “Utah dad here. Please do not change how you dress to make other people feel comfortable. Utah culture pushes conformity of appearance way too hard. People around here need to learn to practice what they preach and not judge lest they be judged. Let people see how awesome of a dad you are and get their biases checked and their worldview expanded.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
