The world can be a cruel place sometimes. Things happen beyond our control that throw us into grief, and it's hard to make sense of why that could happen. For parents who have lost their child, learning to move forward is a pain that's hard to put into words. While grieving, we hold on to comfort items and do what we can to feel like they're still with us. For many parents, having their child's ashes nearby can be a great source of comfort.
That was the case for one mom whose little boy died at a young age. She had her son's ashes in her room until one day, she realized they were missing.
The mom (OP) took to Reddit to ask for advice after her son's remains went missing one day.
Posting in Reddit's AITA community, OP shared some back history of her little boy, Tom.
"My son Tom passed away 4 months ago, at the age of 6," she wrote. "He had a heart condition that robbed him of living his childhood like any other kid," she shared. "He was such an angel, and he loved food so much, I tried to feed him as much as I could because he was so thin and didn't have enough energy to run around and play because of his condition."
She explained that her in-laws were involved in her son's care, going to the hospital to see him. "They were always there but they never stayed at the hospital so I could go home and get some sleep, they stopped their kids from being around him, they did not help at all, when my son passed away," she said.
According to OP, her in-laws also "felt free to take his belongings, clothes/toys/blankets and my mother in law insisted to have a burial service but I chose to have him cremated and kept his ashes in an urn inside my bedroom."
OP said her mother-in-law started to visit regularly, noting that wasn't something she did when her son was alive.
"She started talking about making ashes pendants for me, my husband and her family as a way to carry Tom's memory with us and keep him close wherever we go, she told me that my brother in law loved Tom so much and wanted a pendant made for him as well," she wrote – indicating she was taken off guard by the suggestion.
"I remember telling her that this was never gonna happen, and that all those family members have their kids with them and that I was the one who lost a son," OP said. Her MIL didn't take that too well.
"She started arguing talking about how important Tom was to her and the family and that my husband would agree with this fair treatment instead of keeping an urn in my bedroom and refusing to let the family share their grieve, " OP explained.
"I told her there was no way I'd say yes, she seemed so upset and took it personally, started berating me and talking about how everyone else was trying to show support and that was the last time we spoke."
That was that — or so OP thought.
"I got invited to a road trip by my family to help get me relieve so much stress," OP said, but when she returned, something was missing.
"When I returned after 6 days, I found that my son's urn was gone," OP wrote. "My husband showed me a necklace that he said had my son's ashes in it and pulled out another one that belonged to him that was in the shape of [a] cross, he told me that his mom made necklaces for me, him, her, brother in law with our son's ashes, paid money to get it done and so we could all have Tom with us."
OP was in "shock," and she needed to "sit down for a minute" after hearing this.
"Turned out he allowed his mom to take the urn while I was gone," OP wrote. "And in his defense was that his family cared so much for Tom" and that the family "deserved" to have a memorial necklace "as a way to remember him," OP explained.
"I yelled at him that this was my son not theirs, she had no right to take the urn and do what she wanted with it especially when I told her no, I was so mad with him, I couldn't even look at him," she wrote.
"I took my things and went back to my family and refused to take the necklace that she 'put thousands' on, I called her and berated her for her awful behavior and told her she was selfish and inconsiderate for taking my son from me like that," she continued. She said her husband "is trying to apologize but I can't accept he did this and betrayed me."
OP then asked the Reddit community if she was wrong for refusing the necklace after her MIL took her son's ashes without her permission.
"I’m so sorry for your loss," one commenter wrote. "I would be livid, I would be looking into legal action against MIL and I would be filing for divorce. I’m so sorry they happened to you, what awful people."
A second person agreed. "So basically, MIL is a graverobber. And your husband enabled it. I am so sorry this happened to you, it is so far outside the boundaries of reasonable behaviour."
"Your husband had no right to unilaterally decide what to do with your son's ashes," another person wrote in response. "I would be livid. I don’t know if your husband can make things right but make him get the urn back."
"NTA — wtf," replied another person. "They had absolutely no right to do that. Your husband 100% should have discussed it with you. I felt very violated just reading about it.
"I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry they have taken your son from you again," the person continued. "Your mother in law sounds like a narcissistic piece of work, you definitely need to stand your ground because she crossed a boundary you just don’t cross."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
