Lots of schools use the buddy system with their students. Kids are paired with a friend or two for activities or classwork. This is the go-to for many teachers when it comes to things like field trips, because it can be a way to help control the chaos a bit. Buddies are great if they are really there to be buddies, but not when one kid is being used as a babysitter.
A woman posted in Reddit's AITA forum about an upcoming field trip to the waterpark that her daughter's class has planned. The girl's teacher has paired her with a kid who isn't her friend, and her daughter has described him as a bit of a handful. Apparently, the kids have to stick together for everything the entire day, and now the little girl doesn't want to go.
The original poster feels like her daughter is being used as a babysitter, and she's not having it. So she told her she could skip the field trip, and that they can go to the waterpark on their own. Other moms are now on OP's side and pulling their kids as well, and it's threatening the whole field trip. Is she being petty, or is it OK to protect her daughter?
OP and the teacher have a past.
OP's daughter Bryn, 9, seems to be a bit of a pawn in her classroom. OP thinks her teacher, Ms. N, made Ben, who is a bit difficult, her buddy so Bryn could look after him on the field trip. She was all excited to go, but now she wants to stay home because Ms. N has taken the fun out of it and made her feel guilty.
"I was horrified, not only because Ms. N had made Bryn do such a thing, but also because she had made her believe she was a bad person for not wanting to," OP wrote. "Unfortunately this wasn't my first experience with Ms. N, as she frequently used my soft-spoken, intelligent older daughter as a 'behavior buffer' for the naughty boys until I threatened to report her to the superintendent. It's clear to me that Ms. N is still too comfortable with enforcing archaic gender roles on her kids and forcing girls to do unpaid emotional labor for the sake of the boys."
Too bad, so sad.
OP wrote Ms. N an email and laid it all out, telling her exactly how she feels. Ms. N replied, and told OP that Bryn has to be buddies with Ben, or she can't go on the field trip. OP called her bluff and told her that Bryn wouldn't be going with the group. Instead, she got her some VIP tickets for the waterpark so she can be with her friends and not stuck with a "buddy."
Bryn's friends' moms heard about it and jumped onboard, and now eight of the 20 kids in the class are going VIP with Bryn and skipping the school trip. This is threatening the trip for the rest of the class. If all of these kids opt out, they school will cancel the trip or raise have to raise the price for the remaining kids. Ms. N begged OP to get Bryn to go and is now saying she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to.
"My husband said I was being a bit petty and that Ms. N clearly feels bad about what she did, and I should let Bryn go as I've already gotten my way. He asked me if I really wanted to deprive children of what they've been waiting for all year. The thing is, if this wasn't Ms. N's first offense I probably would have agreed, but she has a pattern of this type of behavior and hopefully this will put a stop to it. Plus, if she has to explain this to her superiors, I have receipts. Is my husband right? Or am I justified?" she asked.
Why does Bryn have to babysit another kid?
Redditors feel like OP is justified in asking why Bryn has to be in charge. Just because she is well-behaved doesn't mean she has to take on this level of responsibility.
"They did this to us in elementary school on purpose and they would even TELL US. Like 'hey, you are sitting next to x, because we can't control their behaviour but you are so well behaved, they may learn from you,'" someone wrote. "And I HATED IT. They were only disturbing us because guess what, we weren't certified for working with kids that obviously have some issues. OP, NTA."
"Bryn is NINE," someone else wrote. "Ms. N should be the one helping the boys in the class learn better behavior. What a terrible precedent to set for the young women of the future. Not only are you right, you should detail this and her other actions to the superintendent. She is shirking her duties as an educator and reinforcing archaic gender roles."
This teacher seems pretty manipulative.
To some Redditors, it felt like Ms. N had been setting Bryn up for this kind of thing for a while.
"Sounds to me like the teacher has been grooming Bryn to get her to do this for a long time now," one person suggested. "Slowly installing these terrible ideas that to be a 'good girl' in her teacher's eyes, she has to do things she doesn't want to, allowing her to stay in the good graces and likeability of the teacher. For young people, especially in the formative years like OP's daughter's age, this is truly sadistic of the teacher."
"Right?" another person agreed. "Ms. N is teaching that the bad behavior of males is the responsibility of females to manage/deal with. That's exactly what people are doing when they say 'oh, well, she shouldn't have been wearing that skimpy outfit.'"
Ms. N needs to get it together.
Redditors don't think that OP was an a–hole at all. She's protecting her daughter from being manipulated by a teacher. Redditors wants Ms. N to do her job and not give a big responsibility to a child who shouldn't have to be responsible for anyone but herself.
Yes, teaching children to be kind to everyone is important, but this isn't about kindness. It is about a teacher who is an adult and needs to act like it.
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