Internet Comes Up With Snarky Comebacks to ‘When Are You Going to Have A Baby?’ & Yassss

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When baby fever hits, it’s pretty darn near impossible to get rid of. But when it hits your mom and your mother-in-law, you’ve really got a problem. For one woman, she’s not even interested in having a baby — heck, she’s not even married yet! — but her mom and future-MIL sure are baby crazy, and she’s turned to Reddit looking for some help with the perfect way to tell the two of them to cool it.

Her mom and MIL have had “their moments” — but things haven’t gotten too far “as of yet.”

In fact, the Original Poster (OP) was in the middle of planning her wedding when she realized that they both have “baby rabies in common.”

But, “we are very happy being child free,” she wrote in a since-deleted post on Reddit.

“I'm kind of in a ‘if it happens it happens, but I'm not planning kids and would be totally happy without’ mindset, but we in no way lead on that kids are ever going to be a plan,” she explained.

Of course, that sometimes doesn’t stop well-meaning family members from sticking their noses where they don't belong.

That's why the OP has turned to people online for the best things she could say to let her family know that kids are just not on the menu. As she explained:

“Wanted to get a fun post in filled with comical/snarky responses I can use to field the growing number of ‘so when are you going to have a baby?!’ comments because politely saying ‘no plans, pretty happy without them at the moment’ is clearly not getting the point across and I want to start enjoying the shutdowns more. What ridiculous nonsense can you come up with, Reddit? Bonus points for comedic or shock value!”

The comments section had some pretty devious ideas for comebacks.

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"Oh, we're waiting until DH gets his inheritance. Children are SO expensive," one commenter suggested.

"Put on your best parent scolding a teenager who wants tattoos voice: 'You know those are permanent right!?'" another commenter added.

A third commenter might have had the winner: "I can’t get pregnant the way we do it.”

Other people were brave enough to share their own stories of family members taking the whole baby thing a little too far.

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"A few days after our wedding, our brother-in-law asked us 'sooo when are you having kids?' but used a completely sarcastic tone to mock the people that would inevitably start asking, and my response was: 'You know, I’ve actually decided to charge people every time they ask me. First time is $5, and it goes up every subsequent time they ask. I’ve got a lot of student debt to pay off,'” one person commented.

"I had an aunt who would pester me every time she saw me about when I was going to have a kid," someone else shared. "I finally got so irritated one day I turned around and said I don't know we screw all the time and it still hasn't happened but let me grab DH now and see if we can cook one up for you. And then I pretended to yell for him…. She turned purple and never asked again."

"We always pointed to our dogs when asked by my MIL when we were having kids, and claimed we already had them lol," another commenter shared. "We did eventually have human children. MIL nagged us for years to have babies and when we finally did, she never came around or even seemed to care."

But perhaps one commenter's suggestion is really best: "We’re practicing until we’ve got it perfect” they never knew what to say."