When two people in your family just don’t get along it can be uncomfortable. But when those two people are your mom and your wife, it’s not just painful: It becomes a huge problem that can really tear your family apart. Just ask one man, who wrote into Reddit's AITA forum looking for advice after he snuck his mom in to see his newborn against his wife’s wishes. Now he — and his mom — aren’t allowed back in the house.
According to the Original Poster, his mom is admittedly sort of a “nightmare.”
“She's always disrespecting people's boundaries while also being entitled,” he wrote in his post on Reddit, which has since been deleted. His mom has never really liked his wife — “not for any serious reason other than the fact that I got married and she couldn't stand seeing me moving away from her,” he added.
As far as her boundary-stomping goes, his mom recently threw a fit at the birth of his daughter three weeks ago.
“My mom insisted she wanted to be in the delivery room but my wife only wanted me and her mom in there but my mom was in the hospital lobby screaming about how she deserves to experience the birth of her grandchild,” the OP recalled.
That wasn’t the only time his mom has gotten on his wife’s nerves.
“Whenever my mom visited our house she would always nitpick everything and judge my wife for being a horrible housewife and claimed she'd be a bad mom as well,” he wrote.
Ever since, the OP’s wife has forbidden his mom from coming over “and I understand why, nobody would like to be humiliated in their own house.”
But it all really came to a head after his daughter was born.
While the OP’s wife recovered at home, their daughter had to spend a few days at the hospital to be monitored. As soon as the baby came home, the OP’s mom asked to see her grandchild, and the OP’s wife only agreed if she left her “remarks” at home.
“My mom promised she wouldn't be out of line but as soon as she stepped on our porch she started commenting on our front yard not being clean and that my wife is ridiculous for not cleaning it before getting the baby here,” he shared.
His wife was livid.
She said “that she lost every visiting privilege for now on and that we'll take the baby to her house to meet her once we feel like it.”
It’s been two weeks since that happened, and although everyone else in their family has met his baby, the OP's mom has still been banned.
“My wife doesn't want to see her and she won't let the baby out of her house yet because she's only days old,” he explained.
Recently, the OP’s wife had a doctor’s appointment, so he thought it was the perfect opportunity to have his mom over.
The OP made her promise to keep it a secret and told her that she had two hours to visit before his wife came back. But of course things didn’t go as planned.
“My mom then wouldn't leave no matter how many times I tried to convince her,” the OP wrote. “My wife came home and saw my mom there cuddling the baby and she had a full mental breakdown and started screaming at me and her and she told her to get the f— off the house.”
The OP told his wife to “shut the f— up” and “calm down” and "it's also my house and my kid and if I want my mom to meet my f—— kid at my f—— house she can't forbid me from doing it and she has no right to kick my mom out.”
As expected, that comment didn't go over well with his wife.
“That led to her kicking me out too and now I'm staying at my parent's until my wife calms down,” he added.
Now he wonders if he was in the wrong “for bringing my mom at my house to meet my daughter against my wife's wishes or is my wife the one being unreasonable?”
Many commenters thought the OP did his wife dirty.
“You just described all the horrible ways your mother treats your wife and still went behind your wife's back on this to satisfy your mom. The baby is days old, but you couldn't wait another week or something. Mommy wanted it now, and momma's boy complied. Your wife was right to kick you out. You're acting like you're married to your mom and not her," one commenter pointed out.
“'I told my wife to shut the f— up and calm down.' [You're the Asshole] for this alone," someone else agreed. "Never mind that your wife is two weeks postpartum and incredibly hormonal, gave your mom a chance to meet the baby and your mom was immediately horrible to her, and you betrayed her trust by going behind her back with someone who treated her terribly."
A third commenter put it this way: "Expect to be served divorce papers annnny day now, buddy. And know that you deserve them. … Run home to your mommy. [You're the Asshole] and way to have your wife’s back."
Some people thought other commenters were being too harsh.
“The presence of the OP's mother does not taint the house, and as the baby's father the OP has a right to invite her to see the baby at a time when his wife was not present," wrote one commenter. "This grandmother's snark doesn't bother him the way it bothers his wife, and the baby doesn't understand it. It was a perfect solution except that both the wife and the mother are wildly unreasonable."
Someone else agreed that he wasn't a jerk for having his mom over. "At least your wife wasn’t home whatever. But your mom definitely should have left. But you didn’t help your situation by telling your wife to shut the f— up. That’s where you’re a bit of an asshole. But it being your child and house too is still a solid argument."
Another person sort of put it bluntly: "What the f— is wrong with all of you?"
Later in the thread, the OP explained that he tried to smooth things over.
But his wife refused to let his mom come to visit until she apologized and stopped her bad behavior.
"She said she was willing to compromise for that one time for my mom to visit the baby but she ruined her chance and that my mom should be grateful that my wife is at least considering taking the baby to her at some point," he wrote. "I feel stuck in the middle of it because while my wife has the most valid points, it's also unfair of her to treat me like I have no say on whether my mom will meet my kid or visit my house.
"I understand I shouldn't go about it behind her back," he wrote later in the thread, "and I should be honest with her and tell her that I want my mom visiting and seeing the kid," he added, even as he ultimately seemed reluctant to back down.
"I have as much of an input at that as my wife does," he wrote.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
