Not getting along with your mother-in-law is unfortunately pretty common, but one soon-to-be mom is really getting annoyed by the way her MIL seems to pick on everything on her baby registry. Of course, it's typical that the experienced mothers in our lives will always want to offer their advice at times like this, but it seems this one might be crossing the line. Now the expectant mom is asking for help with one big question: Is there any way to get her MIL to step back?
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'Nothing on my registry is good enough, useful enough, or needed in her opinion,' the Original Poster explained in a post on a Reddit forum.
There’s nothing on the registry that the OP’s MIL used when she was raising kids — 25 years ago.
“For example, the baby bottles I picked were ‘useless’ and she would ‘never have used them for her kids,’” the OP wrote in a post that's since been deleted on Reddit's the r/BabyBumps forum. “They are standard baby bottles, what gives?”
Her MIL also wants the OP to put pillows and blankets in the crib — which WebMD noted can actually be hazardous to babies and could potentially lead to suffocation or sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS.
The mom-to-be was sort of annoyed when her MIL would come to her with her opinions, but now 'she's calling my husband to complain about it too.'
“It's not like anything on there is super expensive or frivolous,” the OP wrote. “I'm a first time mom, but I've been a nanny for many babies over the past few years so I know what items I like and how to care for babies.
“It's just the basics on my list,” she added. “It's driving me crazy. Any advice?”
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The comments section had plenty of advice for the first-time mama.
"Ignore it or if you’re forced to respond just something as disengaged as 'thanks for the feedback' and move on," one commenter suggested. "If she was interested in learning more about your choices or how things have changed in 25 years, she would ask, so no further explanation or response is needed."
"One passive aggressive thing I used to say when my MIL does stuff like this is to emphasize how LONG it's been since she's had a baby," another commenter advised. "Works best if you can use the exact amount of years. And make it sound like she's dumb for expecting things to be the same. 'Well it's been 32 YEARS since you had babies, did you honestly not expect things to change in 32 YEARS?'
"And then your husband needs to be FIRM with her, tell her that all of this is stressing you out, and that she needs to stop it," the person continued. "Remember, it's HIS f—ing mother, so it's HIS job to set the boundaries, not you."
A third commenter suggested something the OP could say when her MIL starts to complain: "What worked for you might not work for me and vice versa. These are the items that are up to date according to doctor’s standards and what will work for our lifestyle."
Other commenters thought it all came down to boundaries.
"Honestly, she sounds like one of those relatives who is definitely going to have boundary issues once baby is born too," wrote one commenter. "You (and by you, I mean your husband) need to stop it before it starts and set some clear definite boundaries now. He really needs to have a chat with her and be very clear and firm that y'all don't need her opinions on the matter. Short of that, I guess just ignore it and maybe stop answering the phone."
"With someone like that it's not about the registry, or the pillows, or blankets, etc. It's about control," another person pointed out. "I'd ask my husband to set very firm boundaries with her. Not just addressing the behavior and asking her to stop (which it sounds like he is doing, which is great!)."
The person continued, "I would have him say something along the lines of, 'What you are saying is upsetting my wife and I, and undermining us as parents. This is a very emotional and important time for us now, so we cannot have that. Unless this behavior changes, we will not pick up the phone when you call us and we will have to assess when would be appropriate for you to visit little one when they arrive.'"
Others aren't convinced that her MIL will ever change.
"I agree with others, she’s probably pushing boundaries as much as she can to make way for being invasive with the baby later," sone person commented. "Try to set your boundaries as firmly as you can, and definitely get your husband’s help!!"
Or she could phrase it like one commenter did: "Well, good thing you won't be the one using it every day, Linda."
Whatever will get the job done.
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