Relentless little passive-aggressive digs from your mother-in-law can be just as annoying as getting into a big blowout fight, so we give one woman a lot of credit for keeping her cool during her MIL’s repeated bad behavior. Even though she’s been married for 14 years, she says her MIL can’t seem to remember her name. The mom has never made a big stink over her MIL’s “forgetful” behavior, but recently the MIL did something so bad that the mom is ready to end contact.
The 42-year-old mom has been with her husband a long time.
The couple has two kids together and lived “minutes away from MIL for almost a decade,” she explained in a post on Reddit.
But her MIL has a bad habit — she never remembers the Original Poster’s (OP) name.
She couldn't even come up with the right name when she was on the phone with the OP’s husband on their anniversary.
“This has been a continual thing with her. She's even given my husband's first wife's name, as my name to an airline,” the OP explained. “On the times where she does remember my first name in text, she spells it wrong. She didn't put any effort into calling me by my correct first name, until I started renaming her in text back.”
Recently, the family moved to a new house that is as far away from her MIL as possible.
Her husband’s family has never been great, but the OP was determined to keep things cordial with her MIL whenever they spoke to her. Her husband usually doesn’t pick up his calls, so her MIL calls the OP to speak to her son.
“I send her pictures of the kids, and always respond to her texts or messages in a pleasant and timely fashion,” the OP wrote. “I don't have my mom, so for that reason alone I try to support DH's relationship with his mom as much as I can.”
The problem with playing the middleman is that the messenger is usually the one to get burned.
That is exactly what happened to the OP. Her MIL had a problem with her son, but after he didn't answer the phone, she called her daughter-in-law to take out her anger on her instead.
“She is extremely rude and aggressive toward me and even starts asking me about our finances,” the OP recalled.
“She has a thing for asking extremely inappropriate questions,” she continued. “She did this to me also when I was pregnant for the first time. Question me about my weight.”
The OP had it: “I'm done with her.”
She’s simply tired of being civil with her when she's treated like this.
“I want him to call her tomorrow and tell her that if she has an issue with him, she needs to take it up directly with him,” she wrote. “I also want him to tell her that if she isn't going to act with kindness and respectfully, I don't want her to contact me ever again.”
Now she’s looking for advice — is she overreacting? What’s the best way to tell her MIL that point-blank she is done.
Most people agreed that the solution to her problem lies with her husband.
“Dear Husband (DH) is not answering his phone because he doesn't want to deal with her. You need to follow his example,” one commenter advised. “This is his mother and his relationship to manage. That includes updates on kids etc. It took me a decade of similar BS to finally drop the rope and no longer engage. I don't answer when she calls. I don't manage her relationship with her son. I'm not her person. He is.”
“I wouldn't bother telling her anything. It's your DH you need to talk to,” someone else agreed. "’I've had enough of your mother treating me like s–t. I'm done. You're on your own with her.’ And then block her everywhere.”
“Your husband should have been dealing with this from the get go,” another commenter wrote. “It doesn't sound like your husband likes her either from the way you phrased the post. If he doesn't want to be in contact with her then don't take his calls for her.”
After 14 years of trying to keep the peace, we think we can all agree that this wife has done her duty. No one needs to keep taking cruel behavior for family's sake, and her husband has already made his feelings clear when it comes to his mom. OP, save yourself a lot of heartache and stop responding to her calls and texts.
She began taking their advice and wrote an update.
In an update to her post, the OP explained what happened after her husband put his foot down with his mom. "He told her that she is not to call or text me anymorem" she wrote. He added that since they moved away from her "we have experienced happiness like we have never known."
MIL didn't deny being aggressive or offer any apologies — she just sat there and listened to what her son had to say.
"She's never rude to DH, only me," the OP wrote. "I feel an amazing weight lifted off my shoulders. I'd love to never hear her voice again, or see her weird face. It's a wonderful feeling to know I don't need to contact her again."
However, part of her does feel bad about cutting all communication with her.
"My only lingering guilt in all this is that she is the last grandparent that my kids have. It does occur to me now however, that maybe an extended family isn't important," she wrote. "Maybe giving my littles two parents who love them and love each other, will be enough for them to not end up as completely broken adults, as so many adults seem to be."
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