Sleep deprivation — especially when your little one is a newborn — can often lead to feeling a bit out of it at times when it comes to parenting duties. A lot of parents quickly get used to being able to make it through their days without getting as much sleep, but others, not so much. One mother took to Reddit to vent about a situation involving her husband and how he’s been caring for their baby. Since giving birth, her opinion of the new dad has changed. But she blames the sleep deprivation for his extreme moodiness and potentially dangerous behavior. Still, she now fears leaving their baby in his care.
The mom relates to her husband’s moodiness, but she worries that he’s taking out his anger on their baby.
In her Reddit post, the worried mom explains that she’s always felt that her husband is “amazing, loving, and very gentle,” but her opinion has changed since their baby arrived. She explains that it’s likely “all the sleep deprivation” that makes him cranky and angry, which she can totally relate to herself. It’s when the anger and mistreatment is directed at their baby that she starts to get really concerned.
The mom explains that she’s witnessed her husband “slam doors” while holding their son and when he’s tired and he’s holding the baby, he’ll “be rougher and not support his head.”
That is so not OK. She’s even had to ask her husband to “be nice” to their baby multiple times. She’s also found herself wondering if he even likes their son because she “can’t really tell.” Truly, how sad is that?
This type of neglectful behavior from her husband has led to dangerous situations.
The mom shared in the Reddit post that things have escalated into a dangerous territory with her husband’s carelessness when it comes to their 4-month-old baby. For instance, her husband got up with the baby in the night and just “left him on the diaper changer while he went to the restroom.”
She wrote that she got up to pump and went to check on the baby and found him “unattended on the changer, not even strapped to it.” This could be extremely dangerous as she explained that her son knows how to roll over and her husband is aware that he can’t leave him unattended like that.
When she confronted her husband, he “started yelling” at her, stating that he was only going to be gone for two minutes and “Can [he] not go to the bathroom?”
Of course you can go to the bathroom, but keeping your small child in mind while doing so is certainly not too much to ask!
Most Redditors agree that this situation is dire and she needs to nip this type of behavior in the bud immediately.
The mom is stressed because she doesn’t know what to do or “how to get him to care about [their] baby more,” she wrote in her post. She asked for help on how to navigate this parenting situation with her husband and how she can “better address” what’s happening.
One Redditor explained in the comments that she experienced something similar with her husband, who was “the nicest man” but turned into “the biggest bully” after they had their baby. She suggested getting their baby into day care full time if at all possible and addressing her husband’s mood change by getting him professional help, or otherwise she should seek other living arrangements.
Another person commented on how the “changing table thing is really suspicious sounding.” The commenter said her husband should go to therapy to sort out his anger issues or she can always separate from him. The person also suggested that couples counseling could be another helpful tool.
Perhaps taking a parenting class together could be the answer, someone else mused, because even if the couple decides to separate, the husband will likely end up caring for the baby some of the time, so hopefully he would learn something.
Any guidance that could establish valuable and safe parenting behaviors and lessons could likely be very helpful for this couple and their baby.
