My Sister Shamed Me for Letting My Child Eat 3 Plates of Food During Her Family Dinner

Anchiy/iStock

Spending time with your family can be a fun, but sometimes stressful experience. When families get together, it's easy to find ways to frustrate one another or be upset with each other, knowingly or unknowingly. Even when one person may think that things are going well, their family members may be feeling something else entirely.

Recently, a person took to a popular Reddit community to ask advice on a tense family dinner at their sister's home when their teenage daughter ate multiple plates of food. The post has people divided on whether the original poster was the one at fault in the situation.

The OP explained that their teenage daughter is busy and hadn't gotten an opportunity to eat that day.

The OP asked for advice in the popular "Am I the A–hole" Reddit community using a fake account to avoid further family conflict.

"Yesterday, My sister hosted a family dinner at her house. It was one of those 'just because' dinners, no special occasion. My sister is a great cook and she made tons of food for that one night. My daughter, was on her second plate by the end of the night. Once she finished she asked if she could get another one. I said yes. But my sister (her aunt) looked at her with a shocked expression and said 'Another plate?'. My daughter turned around and gave a somewhat uncomfortable look."

The OP gave some background. "My daughter is 16, and has 2 part time jobs to pay for some of her college tuition, so she usually doesn't eat until 7-8pm. So I didn't even blink twice when she got up to grab her 3rd plate," the OP wrote. "I turned to my sister and said she's been working all day without anything to eat, you made tons of food, it won't hurt for her to get another plate. My sister started yelling saying something about how it wasn't my place to say if my daughter could get more of her food that she made. Now I do somewhat agree with that, and might be the A-hole because of that. Looking back I'm thinking maybe I should have asked?"

Things only got worse for everyone from there.

"My daughter ended up not getting another plate, and the vibe was awkward now so we just decided to go. Before we left out the door my sister stopped me and told me I should've taught my daughter manners and how it isn't right to get more than 1 plate at someone else's house."

The OP wanted to let the sister know how they felt. "I told my sister she was being ridiculous and somehow our voices got loud enough where my mom started to hear us in the small corner, she came over and started telling me she agreed with my sister and it was rude for my daughter to eat that many plates. I started to get fed up when they began telling me I wasn't teaching her proper manners, so I left."

But that wasn't the end of the discussion. "Then of course they began texting my phone saying how it was rude to leave in the middle of our conversation. I don't think I was the A-hole at all for leaving because I wasn't going to stay in a place where I felt disrespected. But i'm not sure about the plate thing."

Then the OP turned it over to the community: "So am I the A-hole for assuming my daughter could get another plate?"

The OP clarified several points in their responses.

"Had everyone else had a chance to get some food?" the top comment reads. "Also, was the third plate going to finish off the rest of the food?" The OP took the time to address the comment, saying, "Everyone else was pretty much done their meal after the second portion, we all finished at the same time. And no, there was plenty of food left."

The OP also shared that their sister "does consider herself a 'food influencer' and posts lots of her food on Instagram," and could have made the excess food "for the cameras."

Someone else asked if the sister's behavior was typical, or if the blowup was out of character. "Does your daughter by chance struggle with her weight? I've had family behave kind of similar because they just didn't like that I was a fat kid," they added.

"This has never happened before as far as I know. I plan to ask my daughter when she gets home if her aunt has been saying things like this behind everyone's back or something. My daughter doesn't struggle with weight, the doctors say she's average weight for a 16 year old girl," OP noted.

Opinions were split on whether or not OP was in the wrong.

"ESH," one person wrote. "Your daughter should have asked her aunt and not you and you shouldn’t have assumed, but said ask your aunt. Not your house, not your food. I do think it’s kinda rude to not eat all day and then make up for it by eating 3 full plates of food at someone else’s house. I also don’t understand why you’re not making sure your 16 year old gets 3 meals a day. Your sister way overreacted by getting mad and yelling, especially when there was more food and your kid is only 16."

"YTA, 100%," another lengthy comment began. "You're awfully free with other people's time, money, and labor. Your daughter should have asked her, the hostess."

Another commenter wrote: "NTA. Your sister and your mother were rude as hell. I would have left, too. I saw from other comments that everyone had seconds and there was still food left so I don't understand what the problem was. Teenagers tend to eat a lot because they are growing. If your sister was concerned so could have asked privately instead of creating a scene."

"NTA," decided another Redditor. "This seems weirdly controlling. As a host and in most cultures, if your guest is still hungry it should be your pleasure that they 1. Enjoy the food enough to want more and 2. You can provide it to them. Some people take smaller plates than others as well. Telling you that your daughters should have 'proper manners' is laughable. Proper manners would also mean as a host you don't call out your guests."

The post made its way over to X (formerly Twitter), and people had strong feelings.

"Oh, hell, no," one tweet reads. "I always make too much food, and I try to send as much of it home with kids and grandkids as I can. In any case, I literally cannot imagine telling any guest, much less a family member, that they couldn’t have a third (or fourth or…) plate."

"What kind of woman makes a scene about a teenager getting more food?" another person asked. "I wonder if that extra plate was worth shaming her niece and putting a splinter in her relationships?"

"Obviously NOT italians," another person quipped.

Someone else added: "Obviously not. And I would cut them off from communication for at least a time to make it clear that the way you were treated there was unacceptable."

"If I'm making a huge dinner for extended family, anybody asking for thirds is my new favorite person," another reply reads.