Genetics are wild. Children born to parents of different races or ethnicities can vary widely in appearance, sometimes shocking strangers and family members alike. Unfortunately, people can be downright rude with their comments and questions when a child doesn't have the physical features they might expect of a certain ethnicity.
One mom recently vented about a tricky situation she dealt with at her daughter's school involving another mom. In her Reddit post, the white mom with an Irish background explained that her husband's family is Dominican. And she recently snapped at another mother who repeatedly doubted that her kids were half Dominican because of their light skin. Now, the mom wants to know: AITA?
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The Reddit mom explained that her kids have light skin like her but have her Dominican husband's facial features.
On May 28, the mom took to the AITA subreddit with her plight.
"My husband is Dominican and I’m Irish," the original poster began. "Our kids look like him in terms of facial features but they inherited my pale skin. Our son has his father’s dark hair but my daughter’s is borderline dark blonde. Genes are weird, what are you gonna do?"
The mother added that she and her children have her husband's last name, which is a "popular Dominican" surname.
"There have been times we get looks when people hear our last name and my husband isn’t around," she explained. "But it’s never been too bad and usually, I shrug it off."
A fellow mother at school questioned her daughter's Dominican background.
Because of the OP's husband's work schedule, he doesn't often attend school events. So they only see her with the kids.
"There’s another little girl in my daughter’s class with the same last name as us. Her mom also volunteers often," she explained. "When we met, she flat out said 'you’re not Dominican.' I said, 'no. My husband and kids are.' She said 'but your last name is (x).' I said yeah…because it’s my husband’s. She pointed out how pale they are. I just said genes are weird."
That mom repeatedly challenged her kids' ethnicity.
The OP continued to share about the awkward situation, noting that the other mom brings up her kids' ethnicity "almost every time we see each other."
According to the Reddit user, the other mom comments about "how pale the kids are" and how she finds it "weird they don’t know Spanish (my husband didn’t learn growing up so they don’t know it either)."
"I just let it roll off because while it’s weird, I’m not about to get into a pissing contest," she admitted.
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One day recently, the Reddit mom finally snapped.
For a school project, the kids were tasked with creating a collage about their cultures, and the OP's daughter naturally included things related to being Dominican as well as about being Irish.
"The mom of the other little girl saw my daughter’s collage and rolled her eyes, thankfully not in front of my daughter," the Reddit user wrote.
She continued, "I asked what her problem is. She said I’m not a real Dominican. I said I never claimed to be. She said my kids aren’t either and that my husband is probably only a little Dominican and we’re claiming a culture that’s not ours."
Flabbergasted by the other mom's continued jabs, the mom finally snapped.
"All I could ask was 'are you stupid?' She said there was no need to be defensive. Finally, I had enough, pulled out my phone and showed her pictures of myself with my husband and the kids," the OP explained.
The mom added, "She stared at it for a moment and mumbled an apology. I said 'yeah, maybe research how genes work so you don’t make yourself look stupid in front of a bunch of 3rd graders.' She got teary eyed and walked away."
The OP wanted to know if she was in the wrong for snapping at the other mom.
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Reddit users agreed: the mom is NTA.
In the comments, Reddit users issued a resounding opinion: NTA.
One person wrote: "What makes her think she's the Dominican police? She was waaaay out of line, repeatedly."
"She can cry and play the victim all she wants but she showed prejudice and xenophobia towards two children, imagine the damage if one of the kids had heard that (or if the mum is teaching this to her children)," another Reddit user commented. "Crying won’t erase the fact that she acted a fool in front of others and was showed to be a fool, if she didn’t want the public embarrassment, she wouldn’t have been xenophobic to someone publicly."
Meanwhile, someone else shared: "NTA. She just called you a fake Dominican appropriating another culture and suggested you were lying about your husband and kids ethnicity. Yeah, there is a need to be defensive, because she was attacking you." The commenter added, "You'd probably get less stink eye if you said it politely without insults, but it's not like she didn't deserve it."
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