There have been so many things that have been challenging about parenting during the pandemic, but for many moms, one of the hardest parts has been feeling isolated. This was a year without indoor playdates, without bonding over the craziness of the school drop-off lane, and even without getting to see beloved grandparents. It's been tough, especially because people really weren't meant to parent in isolation.
Now, more than ever, it is super clear how very real the whole "it takes a village" thing really is. A village can be relatives, friends, or just that barista at the coffee shop who always remembers to add an extra shot of vanilla to make the perfect latte for a tired mom. We asked 20 moms to share who makes their village amazing, now more than ever!
Church Community
"I'm so grateful for the community of older women at my church. They had similar experiences as me, but have the perspective of time to see how things turned out, you know? They are always willing to hold a baby and or tell me that I'm doing okay when my toddler melts down." — Meghan M., Roseville, Minnesota
Pod Mom
"I would not have made it through this year without my fellow pod mom! We made a pandemic pod with a neighbor and it was so good to feel like we could have a safe way for our kids (we both have only children) to have a playmate. We were on the same page on COVID safety and that was super clutch." — Annie Q., Davis, California
Black Girl Magic
"My village is mostly virtual. My biggest support has been the Black Girl Magic community on the Peloton app and bike. We do fitness challenges and group rides and it is so great to be part of a community that gets it and is so encouraging and supportive." — Marki G., Ames, Iowa
Vaccine Village
"I've been so blessed with amazing friends, so my village is something I'm always grateful for. But recently, a group of them dedicated themselves to finding a vaccine appointment for me. I'm a single mom and working from home and homeschooling my two girls, one who has an autoimmune disease. I had no bandwidth to hunt for appointments but they found one for me so I could get a shot and be safer for my kid. That's love!" — Bethanne G., Lansing, Michigan
Parent Village
"My parents absolutely make my life better. Their kindness and thoughtfulness is a constant reminder to me of the kind of parent I strive to be. My mom is always there to chat and offer support, my dad jumps on any mechanical fix that needs doing (and will problem solve at the drop of a hat), talk politics ad nauseam (which I love) AND love on my kids so fiercely that it brings tears to my eyes. We made a lot of choices during quarantine so that my parents could/can safely be with us and it has been one of the best decisions ever." — Jessica H., St. Paul, Minnesota
Growing Village
"I never wanted kids. Was never ever on my radar and then my magic baby happened and my whole world changed. The village has changed as my kid has grown. I don't know what I would have done without other moms, especially the ones I met when I had an infant. Life changing. Life saving, really." — Jennifer P., Portland, Maine
Oldest Friends
"There are many, but the ones who leap first to mind are my nearest and dearest girlfriends. I’ve known some since we were little little kids, and the friendship endures. We have each other through everything — school, work, marriage, divorce, career change, hard diagnoses, substance abuse and/or addiction, poor relationship choices, the illnesses & infirmities of aging relatives, the loss of parents, pretty much everything. We all would drop anything to be at the side of one who needed one or more of us. It’s rare, and treasured. I don’t take a single moment with any of them for granted." — Valerie H., St. Louis
Neighborhood Village
"We became chosen family with our one set of neighbors who are about a half a generation older than us. Their kids were 9 and 12 when our first child was born and I could not imagine going through the newborn-toddler years without their diehard support. Their younger child moved in with us for a gap year when we moved to a different city and it was like having a cousin move in. We care for each other because we want to." — Johanna K., Portland, Oregon
Friends in Service
"I have a few wonderful villages: my family, neighbors (old and new) and this beautiful group of online strangers that I rely so heavily on! But, the village that comes to mind is my service industry village. Have any of you worked in the service industry? If you have, you get it. I haven’t worked in that industry for nearly a decade, but the people I worked with when I waited tables and tended bar are the best village around." — Britta B., St. Paul, Minnesota
Fitness Friends
"I'm part of a group of women that have been in a bootcamp class for three years now. Most of us are moms and have become friends outside of class too. When COVID hit and the gym closed down, we kept meeting together at a park. It was so good for my mental and physical health to keep taking that time for myself and for the encouragement of my fitness friends." — Heather K., Denver
Grocery Grace
"I've shopped at a local family owned grocery store for years and the owners have always been so nice and friendly. They give the kids a sucker, ask how we are, let us know when the fancy cheese we like is back in stock. When COVID hit, they did such a good job of making sure we could shop safely and they even delivered groceries themselves when we were in isolation after an exposure. It felt like a little grace and caring during a tough time." — Janelle G., Topeka, Kansas
Military Village
"I know it might seem like kind of a cliche, but the whole thing about military wives taking care of each other is so real. I've been a military wife for 17 years and more than one overseas deployment and nobody really gets what it's like as much as other military wives do. They are my village, for sure!" — Henny R., Tucson, Arizona
Online Village
"I lucked into finding my village when I was a new mom and up late scrolling on message boards while nursing my baby. I now have a group of friends who all have kids the same age as mine that I can reach out to for advice or just to complain about our now teenagers. My village is online, which means I can always reach out when I need a friend." — Mara D., Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Missing My Village
"I didn't realize how much my work friends and coworkers were my village until I had to start working from home. I miss the daily chats, the ways we share lunches and updates about our kids, and all that stuff. I go back into the office next month and I can't wait! I need to see my work village again." — Winnie D., Edison, New Jersey
Daily Friend
"A small but important part of our village is our postman, Dave. Not only does Dave give my dog a treat every day, but my 3-year-old twins are so excited to see him come up to the house every day. He always waves at them and takes a few minutes to talk to them. He even gave them little toy mail trucks on their last birthday. Dave is the best!" — Lexie D., Glendale, California
LGBT Moms
"I'm in a few mom groups that are specifically for LGBT identified moms and I'm not sure how I would do it without them! It's so nice to have connections with other moms who get me and who can share resources for raising kids in a loving, but still somewhat untraditional, way. My wife isn't really in the groups as much as I am but I think we all have to find our own village." — Kellie H., Des Moines, Iowa
Grad School Village
"Well, COVID kind of killed one of the best parts of my village, but I'm still grateful for my grad school friends. We used to have a babysitting collective, so we'd all take turns watching each other's kids so we could get study and writing times. I can't wait until everyone is vaccinated so we can do it again." — Mikayla D., Duluth, Minnesota
Team Twins
"When we found out we were having twins, it was kind of amazing how many people really pitched in and joined 'team twins' as we called it. Our neighbors brought food and helped with our yard work. My mom moved in with us for two months. We were so lucky and still grateful for our village of twin love." — Jenissa R., Brooklyn Center, Minnesota
Vent Club
"People talk about needing a village when kids are little and that's true. But, let me tell you, that need is even more real when you hit the teen years! I have a group of mom friends who all have teenagers and we have a kind of a vent club. We know that we love our kids so we can be honest about the challenges of this stage of parenting. And, ugh, those challenges are REAL!" — Irene R., Norman, Oklahoma
They Showed Up
"I got divorced this year and it sucked. Getting divorced is hard. Getting divorced during a pandemic is really awful. But my village really showed up for me this year. In big and small ways, when I asked for help and when I didn't. I found out my husband didn't love me anymore but also found out that my friends really do. I'm grateful." — Name withheld by request.
