Family dynamics are complicated. When a parent is not a part of a child's life, it can create an added layer of difficulty in forming and maintaining familial relationships. It's only made worse when that absent parent believes that their shared biology entitles them to a relationship when they want one.
One woman on Reddit asked for advice when the father she never knew suddenly appeared in her life, wanting to have a relationship with her and her children. Since they had no real relationship, she struggled with her decision, which was only made more messy thanks to other family members.
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The woman and her biological father have no relationship.
Posting in the popular Reddit AITA community, the woman shared that she doesn't even refer to the man as her father — she calls him her "sperm donor."
She explains that she received a call from an unknown number after having blocked both her sperm donor and half brother from contacting her, and filing a restraining order. The call turned out to be from her father's parents, who she had never met.
"After 22 years of having nothing to do with me why now, they told me that the reason why they called is because my half brother has been trying to reach me as he had something important to tell me," she explained. "I was hanging up she then told me that my sperm donor had stage 4 cancer and that he was in hospital doctors only gave him 1-2 weeks max, he wanted to meet his grandkids."
She had a surprising reaction to finding out the news.
"As she told me I busted out laughing like full on laughing i was crying from laughter and I also told her well it couldn't happen to anyone nicer and I know I should have had a better reaction then I did, but what did you expect from me to cry and say sorry, after what he did to me and my family HELL NO," she wrote.
"My grandmother then told me I should be ashamed of myself he is my father, his the one that gave life to me as im his daughter, I should have a heart and come and see him and let him meet his grandkids."
She then shared that after he died, his wife reached out, encouraging her to go to the funeral, even though she had clearly no interest.
She made it clear that she was not interested in having any kind of relationship with him.
"I'm over people message me about my so called father his not my father his my sperm donor, that's all he will ever be his DEAD, that's where he belongs to burn in the deepest parts of hell, I don't care about him, the only thing I have in common with him was the last name," she said.
"The funny thing about this is he got what he deserved and now my sperm donors side saying I'm supposed to forgive after everything his done forgive and forget the past as they said I don't think so. I know I have a lot of hatred towards him but I don't care I just had to get this off my chest."
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Commenters were overwhelmingly on her side.
"You did what was best for you," one person wrote. "Personally, I totally agree with your decision as I made a similar one myself. Them dying of cancer does not suddenly absolve them of being a piece of s—. They do not deserve our time in their last moments just to make THEM feel better. They deserve exactly what they gave. Not a damn thing. And that includes forgiveness."
"No, you are absolutely not the a–hole (NTA)," another commenter wrote. "You have every right to protect your children and yourself from someone who has caused you so much pain. You don't owe him anything, not forgiveness, not your time, and certainly not access to your children."
Another person chimed in: "NTA. Your sperm donor made his choice to abuse you and your family, and now he has to face the consequences. You have every right to protect yourself and your children from him. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for not forgiving someone who never showed any remorse for their actions. Your well-being and your family's safety should always come first."
The original poster had explained the whole story in an earlier post.
In a post from about 10 months ago, the OP gave more context to the situation with her sperm donor, half brother, and herself. It is a hard story to hear, but she explains that her father was 28 and lied to her mother, who was 15 years old at the time, and maternal grandparents, saying he was 21. After her mother became pregnant, the OP's father sexually assaulted her then-10-year-old aunt, impregnating her. No one knew he had assaulted her until she had a miscarriage. The father went to prison for eight years.
Fast forward to the present when her older half brother reached out to her on Facebook to ask if she'd like to get together and get to know each other. During that meeting, her half brother blindsided her by revealing that their father was there as well. The meeting didn't go well, especially after the father asked to meet her children.
"I glared at him and hit him in the face and said over my dead body would he ever meet them. I left the cafe, got in my car, and drove home," she said. After talking with her husband, she decided to press charges against them.
If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault, the National Sexual Assault Hotline provides confidential 24/7 support. Call 800-656-HOPE (4673) or chat online at RAINN.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
