One of the more challenging parts of parenting involves determining appropriate punishments for our child’s bad behavior. Once a child is on the brink of adulthood, that task becomes even more daunting. When they’re about to enter into the real world, how do you ensure that they’re growing into a decent human being?
One single mom enacted a consequence for her 18-year-old son and went to Reddit to ask if she was being unreasonable.
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The woman has been saving for her son's college education.
The Reddit user, who has since deleted her account, shared that she’s a 44-year-old single mother with an 18-year-old son. “I work full time, make a decent income, and have some savings set aside from what my late husband left us,” she explained. “Over the past several years, I have been building a college fund for my son, and he is aware of this and fully expected to receive it when he graduates this year.”
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The OP liked one of her son's many girlfriends.
She wrote that for the past two years, her son has dated several girls in short stints of either weeks or months. “They all seemed nice enough, and he was having a good time, so I didn't mind, as long as he was careful,” she wrote. But she later found out her son wasn’t being all that careful.
Three months ago, her son introduced her to Lisa, who is 17. The OP and Lisa immediately took a liking to one another, and the OP became a trusted adult in Lisa’s life.
Then, they dropped a bomb on the OP.
One day, Lisa called the OP crying hysterically. The OP advised her to come to her home. When she got there, Lisa told the OP that she was pregnant and her parents had kicked her out of their home. The OP immediately offered her home to Lisa but she seemed unsure and even angry.
When the OP asked her about the reaction, Lisa shared that the OP’s son, her boyfriend, had broken up with her once he learned of her pregnancy. The OP was furious. “I expressed my disbelief that I had raised such a selfish person who couldn't even be bothered to support the girl he claimed to love and his own child,” she recalled.
“I stated that even if he didn't want to take responsibility for this, Lisa and her baby were going to be part of our family, and she would live with us,” she wrote.
She also told her son that she planned to use his college fund to help support Lisa and the baby. Shocked by this measure, the son said, the OP should be “in his corner” because she’s his mom. She told him he didn’t deserve someone in his corner right now. She wanted to know if she was being too harsh and what the Reddit community thought about the idea.
The people of Reddit had a lot to say about her decision.
The responses were mixed. Some supported her decision to help Lisa but wanted to make sure she also protected herself.
“I don't think you're in the wrong for wanting to be supportive of her and for your son to be involved,” one user wrote. “However, before you make life-changing decisions, such as giving away your son's college fund, I'd recommend a few steps: Confirm the pregnancy and get a paternity test. As of now, you don't have the full story. If it turns out she is pregnant and it is his child, then, by all means, move forward with your plans of her moving in and being supportive.”
Others didn’t believe she should ruin her son’s future as a means of punishment.
“Don't strip him of the opportunity to go to college,” another person commented. “He will need a good education, regardless of the situation. Please try to help Lisa in other ways without depriving your kid of the chance to start a good career. Even if he's acting like a jerk, he's still your kid, and you should sit down with him for a conversation about why he feels he has no obligation toward Lisa and the baby and how to improve that.”
We think there could be a middle ground.
We fall somewhere in the middle with this. The OP should first talk to her son to discover why he was so quick to abandon Lisa at this vulnerable time. Then, she should require that Lisa take a DNA test. She can allow her to live with them, regardless of the results if she so desires.
If this baby is indeed her grandchild, and her son doesn’t want to step up to help raise the child he created, we don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking at least some of the money to help care for her Lisa and her baby.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
