For most moms-to-be, getting ready for a baby means finding adorable tiny clothes and planning for lots of visitors all clamoring to hold the new little person. For moms who have given birth in during the time of COVID-19, the reality is so different. Having a pandemic baby has meant worrying about masks, vaccines, whether it is safe to let grandma and grandpa visit, and even facing doing the hard work of labor and the newborn days all by themselves.
What does motherhood look like when there is no village? When the normal fears about germs are magnified and even simple trips to the grocery store seem way too risky? We asked 16 moms who've been raising babies during COVID to share their reflections on motherhood during this very weird time, so read on for the complicated truth.
Anxious Mom
"I had my son in February 2020, so right as things were getting crazy. In some ways, it was really hard to feel like I didn't know what the rules would be for letting people see him or being out in public. I was already an anxious new mom and this didn't help. We basically didn't leave the house until June. I wasn't sure if he had any idea that there were more than three people in the world since my husband and I were the only two faces he saw!" — Lark W., Boise, Idaho
The Worst Uncertainty
"For me it has just been one stressful thing after another. I wasn't sure what the rules would be for having my husband with me at the hospital, didn't know if it was even safe to have the baby at the hospital, didn't know if we could safely let my parents stay with us, as we'd planned. The uncertainty was so hard." — Melanie T., Grand Rapids, Michigan
Oh, Canada
"My daughter is 11 months old and she still hasn't met any of my family, which breaks my heart. We moved to Canada for my husband's job in 2019 and had the baby in 2020, but the borders were closed by the time she came, so nobody could come see her. I had planned to have my mom with me for the birth, so it was a really, really heartbreaking thing that she couldn't come." — Aurora M., Montreal, Quebec
Bright Side
"Don't get me wrong — there is a lot that is hard about all of this, but the silver lining was that my company has been remote working since March 2020 and has been great about being flexible for parents doing care-giving, so I basically got to skip a year of paying for child care. And we had more bonding time than the 10 weeks of maternity leave I thought I'd get." — Jasmine J., Roseville, Minnesota
Where Is the Village?
"We had twins in April 2020, which meant that I was in pandemic with two newborns and a 3-year-old and couldn't ask people to come help us. All the family and friends who were so excited to come hold babies had to stay away and it was very much like, 'Um, where is my village? Help!' I would have died without my online mom of multiples group." — Chandra P., Baltimore, Maryland
So Angry
"I'm worried I'm going to be angry forever, honestly. My parents both refuse to get vaccinated and so I refuse to let them come over, so they still haven't met their first grandchild. I can't believe they are putting stupid anti-vax propaganda ahead of meeting their beautiful granddaughter. I'm not sure how to forgive them for this." — Name withheld by request
Dad Time
"My husband, who usually travels every couple of weeks for work, has been working from home for over a year now, which means that he had been present for way more milestones and hands-on stuff for this baby than he was for our other three kids. I feel weirdly lucky, actually." — Jen K., Oakland, California
Big Loss
"My dad died of COVID, so he never got to meet my son, which is something that I'll never get over. He was so excited to have another grandbaby (he was such a baby guy, you know? Always wanting to hold anyone's baby) and he died when I was 35 weeks. I couldn't even go to his funeral." — Kristina D., Dallas, Texas
Derailed
"I had my son in January 2020 and he was a preemie, so we locked it down when COVID hit. We were at home or taking walks around the neighborhood and that was it. I didn't set foot in another building beside the doctor's office for his check-ups for months and months. He still has some health challenges, so I quit my job rather than go back into the office. We just can't safely put him in daycare yet. Too many non-maskers and non-vaxxers here. Being a mom in COVID has really derailed my career, I think." — Bethanne H., Huntsville, Alabama
Bad Idea
"Let me just say this: a pandemic baby and a pandemic puppy were a terrible idea. Like, really, really dumb. I really need to put one of these creatures into day care before I lose my damn mind. My house hasn't been clean in eight months." — Sarah F., Flagstaff, Arizona
Small Mercy
"Obviously it has been hard. For sure, harder than with my first baby. But on the plus side, I had a great excuse to not let my mother-in-law come and stay for six weeks, like she did with kiddo No. 1. Small mercy, I guess, in the face of a global pandemic." — Erin A., Overland Park, Kansas
Selfish People
"It feels hard to have a new baby at a time when it feels like so many people are selfish and don't care about trying to end this pandemic. Like, hello, my baby can't get vaccinated so we need that herd immunity. I just don't understand why it is so hard to wear a mask if it means keeping babies safer." — Meri W., Troy, Ohio
Basically a Single Mom
"My wife is a doctor so this whole thing has been hard. We had our daughter in December 2019, so we had a few months of normal before COVID hit. When things started going sideways, my wife actually moved out and into a studio apartment so she wouldn't be exposing our baby to the virus, so I was basically a single mom for most of the spring. But I couldn't really complain, she was being a literal hero and saving lives." — Cori S., Saint Paul, Minnesota
Kind of Surreal
"Honestly, parts of this have just been surreal. Like holding my newborn and toddlers up to the window so my parents could see them because it wasn't safe to let them come inside (he was born in April 2020) and having him hit a year old without ever being left with a babysitter or going to day care. I have not been by myself in like 16 months. It's hard!" — Trish J., Las Cruces, New Mexico
Hard To Mom With COVID
"I was stupid and didn't take COVID seriously, until I caught it when my baby was 4 months old. I had a medium case, I guess. I didn't have to go to the hospital but I was sicker than I've ever been and was totally unable to care for my daughter. It ended our breastfeeding relationship and I have a lot of regrets about that. I got vaccinated as soon as I could, but I feel a lot of shame for not taking it seriously at first." — Name withheld by request
Too Much
"Does it sound overdramatic to say I'm in therapy about it? A new baby plus doing distance learning with my first grader and trying to work from home, it was all too much. I had major postpartum anxiety and I'm still trying to get back on an even keel. If school is virtual next year, I don't know how I'll survive it again, but I can't imagine sending my kid if they don't do mask mandates. I feel screwed either way." — Name withheld by request
