What would you do if you found out that the person you believed was your sister is actually your mother? While it sounds like something out of a soap opera, it does actually happen. A teen girl on Reddit wrote to ask advice on how to handle finding out that her older sister is actually her mom.
Families have their reasons for making this choice, and that’s not something that is easy to understand. But for the teen who is involved, this turned her whole life upside down. Then her biological mom (sister) dropped another big shock on the teen.
More from CafeMom: I Laughed in My SIL’s Face After She Secretly DNA Tested My Adopted Child
The teen was totally blindsided by the news.
The 15-year-old girl shared that three months ago, she found out that the woman who she believed to be her older sister was in fact her biological mom. The teen is being raised by her grandmother, who she believed to be her “real mom.”
“Lately, my ‘sister’ (who’s 28) reached out and suggested I come live with her. She wants to re-adopt me and take legal custody,” the teen wrote. She explained that it wouldn’t happen for over a year, giving her plenty of time to decide what she wants to.
One of her biggest concerns is that her biological mom has a busy schedule due to medical school and wouldn’t be able to be present for her. But it wasn’t a deal-breaker.
The girl has a complicated relationship with her grandmother.
In her post, the girl says that her relationship with her grandmother is “complicated.” Using words like “controlling” and “strict,” she also wrote that her grandmother can be “manipulative.”
“She’s also been a bit emotionally abusive at times—gaslighting me and playing the victim card, especially if I try to bring up our complicated family dynamics. All she seems to do is deflect my questions, by twisting the narrative, making herself look like the victim by trying to guilt trip me. It’s exhausting,” the teen admitted.
The girl also shared that her current living situation isn’t “ideal.”
“She and my mom have had a strained relationship since I can remember. My mom was kicked out of the house when she was 18, and there’s a lot of resentment there, especially because of how my grandmother has treated her over the years,” the girl explained.
The girl is experiencing a whole flurry of emotions.
Naturally, the teen says that her grandmother’s “betrayal” about her mom’s real identity is further complicating their relationship, and that she doesn’t really trust her currently.
“So now I’m really conflicted. I love my grandmother, but I feel like I’m stuck in a toxic situation. Moving in with my mom would be a huge change, and I’m not sure if it would be the best decision for me,” she wrote. “I’m just so lost and confused about what the right move is. I don’t want to make a decision I’ll regret.”
More from CafeMom: College Football Player Is Now a Parent to All 4 of His Siblings After Mom Loses Battle With Cancer
The teen shared that her biological mom had begun to take legal action in the custody process.
After her initial post, the girl came back to add that while staying with a friend, her bio mom had reached out and shared some surprising news.
“She told me she wants to take legal action against my grandmother,” the teen shared. “She’s already began to do so, she told me she’s already contacted an attorney and has a consultation scheduled, she’s expected to meet with the attorney in a week or so, to go through the steps needed to file a child custody evaluation request, which would be the first step to gain parental rights over me.”
The teen also shared that talking with her friend about her grandmother’s behavior was helpful, and it helped to get an outside opinion to confirm her suspicions.
People encouraged the teen to do what feels right.
“All I suggest is you talk to your mother and your grandmother more- ask some serious direct questions so you make the decision that’s best For you,” one person wrote. “Staying or moving doesn’t take away the opportunity to have a relationship with either of them. Your mother and your grandmother don’t need to get along if they are focused on the main person here which is you.”
“Your mom had you at 13, who only knows the circumstances,” another person wrote. “It seems like grandmother took control of the situation and by default, your life. Your mom has worked hard and wants to better herself and give you both a better life. Personally, I’d prefer to be with a person that may not be there all of the time but has all of my best interests at heart for me and fight for me and love me, than a person that just wants to control my life. “
Someone pointed out: “It’s possible that your bio mom is in a place now where she can ‘rescue’ you from this forced environment. It’s highly probable that your mom was forced into this living arrangement by threat and manipulation. You might end up with a more peaceful and happier home life.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
