I Laughed in My SIL’s Face After She Secretly DNA Tested My Adopted Child

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Every family has nosy family members — the people who can't leave things alone and will go out of their way to make things awkward. Those family members sometimes believe that they're just being helpful. Or they think that in their own way, they're clearing the air on family issues that need solving, when in reality they're just making trouble.

One man on Reddit shared a story about his nosy SIL who thought that it would be a good idea to secretly perform a DNA test on the man's daughter to prove his paternity. The only thing her actions did was fracture familial relationships.

The story is complicated.

In the popular Reddit AITA forum, a man posted that he is a 30-year-old with a 6-year-old daughter. "I am not biologically related to her at all. There is no blood relation between us," he wrote.

He explained that he was friends with her biological mother since childhood, but there was never a romantic relationship. Lily's mother got married and she and her husband had Lily together. When Lily was about 3 months old, both of her parents were killed in a workplace shooting. They didn't have any next of kin, and since the man was close to the family, he stepped up and adopted the baby girl, despite his hesitation about having kids.

"I didn't want their daughter to grow up in foster care or around people who didn't have a connection to her bio parents," he explained.

His family knows that the girl is adopted, but apparently not his sister-in-law.

via GIPHY

"My brother has been with his fiancee for about 2 years now. A few weeks ago we were all meeting up at my parents house and my SIL saw an old picture of me, my friend and her husband. She pointed to my friend and asked who she was, and I explained that was Lily's mother. SIL got quiet and stood in front of the picture for a while. I didn't think much of it. To clarify, she knows my friend died, but I guess didn't know that she had been married, or that Lily is not my bio daughter. I suppose she assumed my daughter was mine and my friend's biological daughter," he explained.

"My SIL got a DNA test done on my daughter behind my back. She used my brother's DNA for the test, and when it came back that they weren't related, she knew that meant me and Lily weren't related. She came up to me with the results and waved them in my face, saying that I was taking care of a dead woman's affair baby. She said this to me in front of my daughter. I just stared at her for a while before bursting out laughing at this."

He continued, "I told her I knew Lily wasn't my biological daughter, and that this thing called adoption exists. Her face went red and she stormed off. My brother is mad I embarrassed his fiancee, but I said she embarrassed herself by DNA testing a kid that isn't hers and then parading the results up to me. What did she want me to do? What was her goal with this? Did she want me to break down and abandon my daughter? My brother said she thought she was doing the right thing and called me an a–hole. I don't feel like the a–hole, especially considering my SIL was the one who stuck her nose where it doesn't belong. I'm asking for reddit opinions (mostly just for validation), so was I the a–hole?"

People were totally on his side.

One commenter wrote: "NTA – she wanted to stir some s— up, that’s a hell of a lot of effort to 'help'. Also I’d be pissed about how she got Lilys DNA to do this? It didn’t go the way she thought it would so she got mad, your brother is just trying to side with his soon to be wife. I need to add this. She did this in front of your daughter to maximize the damage she thought she was 'exposing'. That is straight evil."

"Pretty sure this is assault of a minor to take their dna without their consent," someone else wrote. "What a stupid arrogant person and oh yeah your brother too."

Another wrote: "NTA. This incident should open your brother’s eyes and break it off with her. Instead he is siding with her. Your future SIL created a very unnecessary situation. Even if you were married to Lily’s mother she had no business running the DNA test. A sane person would not go to that extent, especially not without a reason. She judged wanted to create drama and play hero."

There was a shocking update.

In an follow-up that warranted its own post, the OP shared some shocking news about why his SIL decided to paternity test his daughter. The SIL showed up to apologize for her actions, and drop a major truth.

"My brother put her up to the DNA test," OP explained. "When I first adopted Lily, my brother for some reason believed that Lily was my bio daughter. He thought that me and Lily's mom were together and just weren't telling anyone. He believes that when she got pregnant, Lily's mom told me that Lily was mine and that she was going to just say that it was her husband's and I went along with it because I didn't really want kids."

He shared more details on the story, including that his SIL's parents had an unfaithful marriage, which has given her baggage. When he confronted his brother, the brother admitted to his actions, saying "he couldn't think of a reason why a man who had been against having kids at the time would willingly adopt a baby without having a blood connection to it."

"Both me and my parents are going low contact with my brother for a while now. I know I will forgive my brother eventually, but I can't do that right now. He believed I was low enough to have an affair with a married woman, get her pregnant, take no responsibility, allow her to pass off the kid as another man's, and then only take responsibility because her mom died," OP wrote.

Commenters believe that he's being too lenient on his brother and SIL.

"BOTH your brother and SIL are getting off too lightly," someone wrote. "He butted into your family and lied to his wife. And, sensitive issue or not, she still violated your daughter's privacy then called her an affair child derisively in front of her."

"Aren’t you at all concerned or angry that your SIL tested your underage child’s dna without your permission," another person questioned. "I honestly would have flipped my lid if I found out someone did a dna test on my child without my permission. I don’t think I would forgive your SIL for that breach."

Another comment reads: "The fact that your brother thought that low of you shows so much about himself he probably wouldn't take care of a kid that wasn't his biological child I wouldn't let him around Lily anymore even if you stop being low contact he might start treating her bad now that he knows she's not blood related to him. He deserves it if your SIL leaves him."

"Those 2 should be out of Lily's life from here on out! SIL needs therapy, your brother is an AH," someone else wrote.