Sometimes people say things that get other people fired up. And wouldn't you know, they take these controversial subjects to online forums to let total strangers battle it out about right and wrong.
Reddit is a favorite place online for these types of conversations, and a woman recently posted in the AITA forum to get some opinions. She is preparing to marry her boyfriend, and both bring children from previous relationships. He has a 12-year-old son, and she has two boys, 10 and 5. The original poster's soon-to-be stepson wants to move in with them to be part of a family environment with parents and siblings under one roof.
OP doesn't believe he is a good fit for their home and is potentially a bad influence. She told her future husband she doesn't want his son to move in. Does that make her an a–hole?
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OP explained that her future stepson isn't like her sons.
She believes the boy is too competitive with her children and has some issues she doesn't want to deal with.
"My boyfriend has informed me that his son has been struggling academically and has faced minor behavioral challenges. I am concerned about his potential negative influence on my children, particularly my older son," she wrote.
She also thinks he excludes her youngest son and they have a "strained" relationship. She's not considering the large age gap, which would make things difficult sometimes.
Her boyfriend doesn't think his son is doing anything wrong.
OP feels like her boyfriend doesn't really care what she thinks. In an update, she said her mother agrees with her boyfriend and told her she is not being reasonable.
"My husband dismisses these concerns as typical for his age, believing that with our guidance, he could improve. I sought advice from my mother, and she disagrees with me, asserting that providing a united family environment could greatly benefit my stepson. Both of them label my reasons as unreasonable," OP explained.
People went after OP in the comments.
The Reddit community did not like the way OP was behaving toward her stepson at all. There was so much discourse that a moderator turned off comments on the post. There were a lot of fingers pointing at OP and saying she's being a jerk.
"No 12 year old wants to do things with a 5 year old. And of course tween boys will be competitive. If your bio son struggles in school will you send him away to live without his mom?" someone shared. "If you said this to me about my child, who wanted to live in a stable family environment, the wedding would be off and you would be out. YTA."
Some Redditors offered advice.
"You need a major attitude adjustment. Pro-tip from a teacher: find something you like about your stepson, and focus on it," one person wrote. "You'll soon find other things you like about him and then maybe all the negativity you feel towards him won't be quite so palpable. YTA."
"You’re his parent now, too, and you’re essentially saying he’s a mess. You should show as much concern for his situation as you’re showing for your own boys," someone else suggested. "At the very least you owe your new son a chance to prove you wrong, otherwise you’re definitely TA here."
There were a few commenters that thought OP was doing all the things that she shouldn't be, including this one: "YTA, you really are showing that you are THAT stepmom."
What about her kids?
She is creating a hostile environment all around. Why is her stepson the jerk and not her kids? That seemed like a double standard to a lot of people.
"YTA Why don't you solve the problem by your sons not living there instead? What's good for the goose is good for the gander," someone wrote, making a pretty valid point.
"YTA – you are marrying a family. If you can't accept your boyfriend's children into your home then don't get married. He is not 'less than' your sons," a Redditor agreed.
The situation just bothered some people, like this commenter. "YTA. Seems like this child would greatly benefit from the family dynamic he seeks," the person wrote. "Clearly he likes your sons enough to want to live with them and wants to be able to consider them his family. This makes me feel really sad for him."
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OP shared an update and said she had a change of heart.
After more than 7,000 comments, OP took a lot of what people said into consideration and made some changes.
"As a responsible adult, I understand that I have an obligation to help him with behavior and school grades. I talked to my boyfriend, and I accept that he can come live with us. Now, we'll need to move to a new house so that each child can have their own room, and we'll have to work on getting custody," she wrote.
Let's hope that for the sake of everyone, OP gives all of her sons the same love and affection and affords them a stable, loving home. And that goes for all sons, biological or bonus.
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