When grandparents are expecting their first grandchild, they're often rather excited and happy. All of the special moments to come are understandably very important to expecting grandparents. Sometimes, however, they can overstep and cross boundaries with the parents themselves, forgetting that there should be a bit of respect between the two.
Recently, one soon-to-be mother opened up on Reddit's Am I the A–hole forum about an odd request from her future mother-in-law that made her extremely uncomfortable, and she wanted to know if she was in the wrong for turning down her down.
The soon-to-be mom said she lives with her boyfriend and the two are expecting their first child together.
The original poster explained that their child is going to be her boyfriend's mother's first grandchild, and that she is extremely excited.
She added, however, that she doesn't know her "MIL" very well, as the couple spent the majority of their 3.5 years together quarantined during the pandemic. She said she met the woman maybe "five or six" times. And it's not even actually her mother-in-law but her boyfriend's mom.
She was a bit surprised when her boyfriend's mother called and asked her for a 'belly photo.'
Although many parents and in-laws want to see the growing baby bump of their future grandchild, this woman apparently only wanted a photo of the expectant mom's belly. Just the belly. She explained that the request made her feel very uncomfortable.
"I'm not too comfortable with my body because of my past and hate taking pictures, but tried to suggest that I would take a look in my closet if I had any clothes that would fit and look ok in a picture," she wrote. "Her answer was that she just wanted a picture of my belly."
The pregnant woman asked her to wait until they visited her to see her baby bump in person.
Instead of understanding, the boyfriend's mother continued to push, saying she wanted a photo to look at. The entire situation still made the Reddit user uneasy, and she even explained further that although she loves being pregnant, she's uncomfortable with her body and people commenting on and touching it constantly.
"I do accept it and don't say anything when they do," she wrote, but she's "not at all comfortable with the thought of giving away pictures of my belly."
Her boyfriend doesn't understand her problem with the request.
"My boyfriend doesn't think it's a big deal since I am pregnant, but for me it doesn't matter if I'm pregnant or not, it's still my body," she wrote.
She said she would, of course, send his mother ultrasound photos, but she just doesn't feel comfortable sending pictures of just her belly. She asked Reddit users if she was being a jerk for refusing the request.
Many people online agreed the boyfriend's mother was a bit out of line in requesting the photo.
Some Reddit users agreed that it was awkward for her to want a photo of just the expectant mom's belly and not her whole body.
"It would be different if she was asking for a picture of You, as in the whole of you, whilst pregnant. Asking for a picture of just your pregnant belly is weird. It is your body and you do not have to do it," commented one person.
"There’s something really off about the way that people seem to take such ownership of women’s bodies when they’re pregnant," another person wrote. "People who would NEVER ask a woman for a pic of any part of their body (or to touch another person) while they’re not pregnant suddenly think they have the right to demand it once they’re pregnant."
Other pregnant women shared that they feel the same about their own baby bumps.
"I’m also pregnant and I find family gets weirdly sentimental over my belly," an expecting mother shared. "I don’t get it. I’ve told them I’m not comfortable sending pictures of it but will in like a video call walk by. I think it’s meant from a loving place but if it makes you uncomfortable you’re not an a–hole for setting that boundary."
Others suggested that the pregnant mom set boundaries before the baby is born.
Some commenters advised that before the baby comes, the soon-to-be-mom has to sit down with her boyfriend and set some clear and consistent boundaries.
"His mother will ABSOLUTELY stomp over any boundaries you try to put up once the baby arrives. And he needs to understand if he doesn’t support you and keep his mother in check you will take the baby and leave," one person wrote. "But do not make this threat if you are not capable of walking away."
Another person had a warning for her, writing, "Watch out for her trying to barge her way into the delivery room. If she gets pushy about wanting to be there don’t tell her when you guys go into the hospital, and only tell her that the baby is born when you feel comfortable with it. Your bf needs to be on the same page as you. How would he feel if he had to send a picture of somewhere on his body that was more private?"
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
