Sibling rivalry is alive and well in suburbia. A little friendly competition between sisters is expected and maybe even healthy. Who better to push you to be your best you other than the people who share the same DNA? Sometimes that rivalry can get downright petty, even mean at times. But how far is too far?
One sister's rivalry is heading to the point of no return. Two engagements, two sisters, and a lifelong friendly competition that’s gotten out of hand. One sister decided she wanted to steal the other’s thunder by hosting her wedding at the same venue … just first. The sister is feeling a little conflicted about booking the same venue as her sister and is second-guessing whether she’s being petty or just wants to be married where her grandparents got married, so she took her predicament to Reddit.
The woman admits she and her sibling don't get along, but she's wondering if she went a little too far this time.
The Original Poster, or OP, did what she thought was right at the time, but now, she’s feeling a little guilty about how she went about getting what she wanted, so she went to Reddit’s AITA community for some guidance.
“I can admit that my viewpoint is pretty one-sided, but my actions have divided my family so I figured I could get some outside perspective," OP wrote.
“My sister and I don't get along. I can be honest and admit that she's much prettier than me, and that's something she's never let me forget," she continued. "Both of my parents are pretty shallow and they've always given her the best and put her first (i.e. if we both had a school event at the same time, they'd both go to hers). This has left me pretty bitter and distant from my family.”
This sister is always "stealing her thunder" and she has let her do so in the past, but this time she wasn't willing to do that.
“My boyfriend of five years recently proposed, and I was super over-the-moon. And straight out of a bad rom-com script, my sister got engaged right afterwards," OP shared.
"It didn't really faze me other than serve as a slight nuisance since my parents were more happy and involved with her engagement (my mom's been helping her plan, but couldn't help me because my sister "needed more help" and she couldn't "devote me the time I deserved"). Don't feel bad for me though because my MIL is a godsend and super sweet/genuinely treats me with so much love.”
Clearly, OP is really trying to see the bright side of the situation but admits that it stings when her parents consistently choose her sister over her.
In a fit of actual pettiness, OP did something that might have been a little too much.
When her sister told her that she booked her wedding at the OP’s dream venue, it really pushed OP over the edge.
“I know it sounds SO annoying and cheesy, but I really cared about this location. It was sentimental to me (my grandparents got married there), and I've talked about wanting to get married there as far back as high school when I was just day dreaming."
Op continued, "I STG my sister doesn't give an eff about my grandparents, but when I brought it up my parents told me to stop being so petty. In a fit of actual pettiness, I ended up booking the same venue a month before my sister's wedding.
"I checked with the venue and there's no way my sister can move the wedding up (they're booked up) and if she changes venues she'll lose her deposit,” she shared.
"I was always going to get married there one way or another,” she wrote.
OP’s mother recently reached out to her and implored her to talk to her sister. (OP blocked her sister after finding out that she’d booked the venue OP wanted.) OP’s sister is supposedly really distraught, and their mom wants OP to be the bigger person and try to work something out with her sister regarding such a monumental life event.
“I said no, but my mom said I was a[n] AH for not even trying to hear her out and for being so stubborn and petty," OP wrote. "I know my mom is biased, but it got me thinking because I've been pretty staunch about ignoring her calls and some of my cousins have told me that she seems genuinely upset. I'm not sure whether or not I was right or if I am being a giant AH by being so stubborn.”
OP wants to know if she’s being the jerk for ignoring her sister, not for booking the venue.
“My sister flat out told my cousin that she couldn't care less about the venue and booked it because it was convenient. But suddenly when I want to get married there too it 'means the world to her?' I think not," OP shared "My grandparents practically raised me since my parents were always missing out on my life events so it was g-ma and g-pa who came to support me. I was always going to get married there one way or another.”
Redditors were in agreement: Why would you give up your dream for someone, especially if that person was someone you don’t even like?
According to Redditors, OP has every right to book her dream venue, sister or not. Most commenters agreed that the OP did nothing wrong by booking the same venue as her sister a month earlier.
One commenter said what many of us were thinking, writing, “I see how you would be wrong to book the venue once you knew she had. But she booked ‘your’ venue first. She knew you wanted to get married there. So why would she book it in the first place. She seems very self-involved and your parents are encouraging her.
"If I was you I would just cut my losses. Don’t engage with your sister anymore," the person continued. "I would just say the truth when people ask/yell at you. That you had dreamed of that venue for your whole life and she decided to book it. … Go be happy with your husband and his family. Toxic is toxic and NOT YOUR PROBLEM.”
Another commenter warned, “OP, make sure the venue and your caterer, photographer, dj, florist, everyone you hire has a code word in place to confirm you and your fiancées identity in case your sister or mom decides to pretend to be you and calls up and cancels the venue or something else on you. Make it something they would NEVER guess in a thousand years.
"My former coworker had to do this with her wedding cause her fiancé’s step sister tried to stop their wedding and actually managed to cancel the first order for the wedding dress," the commenter added. "Luckily, the shop called my coworker to ask if she wanted another appointment to look at dresses so she was able to straighten everything out and got the dress.”
Code words on everything sounds a little over the top, but apparently it's a fairly common practice in wedding culture these days because other commenters said the same thing happened to them. It might be something the OP should consider.
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