Co-parenting with an ex can be challenging. Some co-parents struggle with communication issues, differing parenting styles, or competitive co-parenting. One woman is dealing with a situation that's a bit more unexpected. She and her ex-husband can't agree on which children to co-parent.
They share two children, but the ex-husband also expects his ex-wife to take care of the kids he shares with other women. He's pushing her to be part of the "community" that is raising his kids, and she doesn't see why she has any obligation to do so.
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She and her ex-husband got divorced 10 years ago.
To provide some context, the woman, who posted on Reddit, explained that she and her ex-husband got divorced about 10 years ago because he "regressed as a husband and a father."
At first, he was not granted 50% custody, but after becoming a "more involved" parent, he eventually did get 50% custody, the woman explained. He is now 40 years old, while the woman is 35.
Her ex-husband then had more children.
Around the time that he was granted 50% custody, the woman learned that her ex-husband had welcomed a third child with another woman, but that relationship ended. He later married his current wife.
"They have two more children together now. There are two kids in her life… who she is also partially supporting," the woman wrote. "Those two kids don't live with them but apparently she/they pay for stuff for this child."
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She and her ex started getting along better, but then he started treating her like a co-parent to all of his kids.
At some point, her ex-husband's marriage became "rocky," and somehow he started expecting a lot more from his ex-wife. It started with her ex-husband expecting her to interact with his other children at custody exchanges. Eventually, it turned into him asking her to babysit for him and his wife. From there, the expectations continued to grow.
He started expecting her to buy stuff for his other kids.
He started making comments to his ex-wife about how they needed to ensure that all of his kids had adequate clothing. Or how she should have all of his kids over at her house. Or how she should take all of his kids out to eat.
When she told him that she didn't see how doing these things for his other kids was her responsibility, he said, "we're co-parents."
"I said, 'of our two, sure,'" the woman explained. "But not his other kids."
School supplies shopping was the final straw.
When preparing to go back to school, the woman purchased some school supplies for her two kids. Her ex-husband's comment surprised her: "He told me I hadn't bought nearly enough for everyone."
When she asked for clarification, he told her that she did not buy enough school supplies for all five children. "I told him we don't have five children, we have two, the two I bought those for," she wrote. "I told him I am responsible for our children not his three others."
Her ex-husband called her 'cold.'
She explained to him that he has a wife. His wife is also the mom to two of his other kids, and the other child lives with them as well. But he explained that he and his wife don't have a lot of money.
"He said I can't possibly take care of just two of them, not when we're co-parenting and all five kids live together 50% of the time," she explained. "He said I should be a part of the community to help raise these kids and keeping my distance like I do is so dang cold."
Many Redditors sided with the woman.
Some Redditors said it would be "admirable" if she helped her ex-husband out with his other kids, but it's definitely not her responsibility. Many agreed that he was expecting too much from his ex-wife.
"You need to advocate for your kids," one person responded. "He fathered a bunch and that is on him."
Some could understand where the ex-husband was coming from on some level because income disparity can be a real issue.
"The dad is correct to try and make sure all his kids under his roof are treated as equitably as possible," one person said.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
