Many pregnant people spend a lot of time thinking about the child they’re going to have. They wonder who the child will look like or what their personality might become. And for many, their future child’s sex is something they spend a lot of time thinking about. It’s easy to hype yourself up about your future child’s sex, when you have more than nine months to ponder it.
But what happens if you don’t get what you’re wishing for? One mom is going viral after being brave enough to share her gender disappointment on social media by posting a video from her gender reveal.
The mom-to-be didn’t initially want to share the video.
TikTok user Ducci Lou Carter shared a video of her and her husband doing a gender reveal in their home. They chose to do the champagne flute in the cake reveal. And when they pulled out the glasses, Ducci begins to cry after seeing blue frosting.
It’s clear that she’s having some feelings, saying “it’s a boy” unenthusiastically. Her husband immediately comforts her, giving her a kiss and a hug. He assures her that one day they’ll have a daughter before ushering her off camera and into another room.
“The gender reveal I didn’t post because I felt so bad for wanting a girl,” the video reads.
@duccilou #genderreveal #pinkorblue #genderdisappointment #rawemotions ♬ original sound – DucciLou
Many comments were affirming about gender disappointment.
“Gender disappointment is real and it’s OK, you didn’t throw a fit you just got emotional,” one person wrote. “Doesn’t mean you’re gonna love him any less and I’m sure you’ll fall right into motherhood beautifully.”
“Gender disappointment is real,” someone else added. “People have their reasons. I understand! 🙏 Once you see and hold that little cutie you will be happy but you will still crave a little girl.”
Another person wrote: “Please don’t feel bad your emotions are valid gender disappointment is a real thing I think as woman we automatically want a little girl, I was the same way but I LOVE being a boy mom.”
The mom just needed some time to feel her feelings.
“My mom was convinced I was going to have a girl, and the people around me made me think it would be a girl. I got lost in fantasizing about life with a baby girl,” Ducci Lou said in a exclusive interview with People. “When we got into the cake, it hit me, I’m having a son. I had to grieve all of the fantasizing that I did about having a daughter. I cried because I don’t get to do the little, cutesy girl things with her.”
Part of the reason she was upset was because she was mourning the idea of her baby’s father being a girl dad. But in the end, her husband ended up being the most affirming person to have in her corner at that moment.
“He understood my feelings, walked me away from the situation, and talked to me. He said, ‘Don’t feel guilty about what your experience is. It’s fine, it’s normal. I highly doubt that you will not get over it. Just give yourself some time, give yourself a couple of days, and you will start getting excited about a boy.’ He made me feel seen and made me feel understood,” she explained.
“At that moment, I didn’t realize how controversial my reaction was because of how my husband made me feel.”
In sharing her video, she realized that her feelings were normal.
Since sharing her initial video, she posted a follow up showing how she’s feeling now.
One thing she didn’t anticipate? How many people would reach out and let her know that her reaction and feelings are totally normal.
“I’m so glad I shared that video because I never knew how many women experience that. Because most don’t talk about it in person, not in public anyway,” she told People. “Women are more ashamed of admitting to how they feel because they’re afraid of being shamed for being a bad mom or not deserving to have a child.”
Now, she’s looking forward to getting to be a boy mom. But she has a little advice for her fellow moms-to-be. “It’s very important to let yourself feel,” she said. “It is a temporary feeling. In the end, regardless of your initial emotions, it is the same excitement, the same feeling.”
