Names seem like they shouldn’t be complicated, but they can be. The names parents choose to give their children have meaning. Whether they’re family names, or simply names that the parents liked the sound of, the choice is important. This is just as true of last names. When a person wants to change their name, it can create friction.
That’s what one teen learned after she announced her plans to drop her stepdad’s last name. Now, she’s fighting with her mom about the name change.
The girl’s dad died when she was young.
In her Reddit post, the 17-year-old girl shared that her dad died when she and her older brother were 4 and 6 years old. Several years later, their mother remarried and had kids with her new husband.
“When my mom changed her last name to our stepfather’s last name she asked us how we felt about using his name too and we said no,” the girl wrote. “She decided to hyphenate our [names] with his anyway.”
The girl shared that she and her brother don’t have the best relationship with their stepdad. He’s apparently jealous of their dead dad. “It always sucked having his last name as part of ours,” she shared.
She doesn’t use her hyphenated last name unless she absolutely has to.
Whenever possible, the girl only uses her dad’s last name. “I’m not sure my mom and stepfather ever knew before,” she confessed. Her brother did the same thing, going so far as to change his last name back before his high school graduation. Now, she wants to do the same.
After her brother’s name change, their mom and the stepdad were “pissed,” she shared. And now, her mom has figured out her plans to do the same. “I tried to lie and say no but she told me she saw me using just my original last name and leaving the full version off of stuff so she doesn’t think I was telling the truth,” the girl explained. She shared that she was planning to change her name after her birthday.
Her mom is making it clear she doesn’t love the decision.
The mom told the teen to “think of all the hurt and hard feelings it creates.” She wants her kids to “show him a little respect by keeping and using his last name too.” But the girl reminded her mom that she never wanted to use his last name at all.
Now, her mom says she’s being “petulant” for wanting to change her name. She even demanded that the name change not happen before the teen moves out.
Commenters agree that it’s the mom who is being petulant.
“Our name is such a personal thing that someone forcefully change it understandably builds resentment and anger,” one commenter wrote.
Another commented: “She never cared what made you happy. Go be your dad’s legacy.”
Someone else put the blame squarely on the mom. “She hurt you and your brother,” the commenter shared. “She changed something quite fundamental to your identity. But she either doesn’t see or doesn’t want to see the harm she has caused by her actions and all the years since then.”
“She made the mess and is mad that you aren’t being controlled and manipulated into submission,” another commented. “You have every right to the name you want and not to be coerced into being branded with the name of a man you don’t even like. Consent matters. She never had yours.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
