Having a tween is a constant exercise in compromise. Tweens today are different from their parents. They do things like buy skin care products from Sephora and go to school in head-to-toe athleisure. And when one or two of your tween’s friends are doing something trendy, your kid will likely ask about it too. That’s the lesson a single dad is now learning.
When his tween asked if he would allow her to wear thong underwear, he said yes. What he wasn’t prepared for was the way her friends’ parents, namely the moms, would react.
The man’s daughter made a compelling argument for the underwear switch.
Posting in the AITA forum on Reddit, the single dad explained that his wife died seven years ago. Since then, he has been raising his 12-year-old daughter by himself, though he has had a girlfriend for six months.
He says he’s been “pretty good” at having conversations with his daughter about the changes she’s going through. But the underwear situation had him genuinely confused. At first, he expressed concern at the idea of her wearing “sexy” underwear, but to her, the switch was practical.
His daughter explained that because of the style of yoga pants she wears, she doesn’t like the way her current underwear fits. Regular underwear creates line and lumps, and the alternative didn’t work much better. “When she showed me the ‘boy shorts’ underwear under the yoga pants she said ‘visually it looks like I’m wearing your boxers under these’ and she was right, it was not a good look,” he wrote.
“I tried to put myself in her shoes and could understand a teen girl not wanting to attract eyeballs to her body, and especially not negative attention,” he shared, adding that he agreed to buy new underwear for her.
What he wasn’t anticipating was the way her friend’s mom was going to react.
“I got a call from the mother of my daughter’s friend. She called to tell me that my daughter was a bad influence on her daughter, that she had been obviously corrupted by the internet, and G was trying to ‘turn my daughter into a slut’ to have someone to ‘whore around town with,’” the single dad explained. According to the mom, his daughter was not only showing her friends her new underwear but also boys.
The mom went on, claiming that he was “allowing my daughter to become a hoe.” She also argued that the girl is too young to be “sexualized in this way.” He explained that she also made other hurtful comments about his parenting and his daughter.
When his daughter came home, he asked her about it. The tween claimed that her friends figured out the switch; she didn’t even mention it to them. “She says the whole friend group wanted her to let them see, to show off the straps above her pants, even to borrow some of her underwear. She said no to all of that,” he wrote.
His girlfriend also had a surprising reaction.
When he told his girlfriend about the debacle, he was taken aback by her thoughts. “She also pushed back on me saying I should have discussed it with her friends’ parents before agreeing,” he explained. He couldn’t quite understand what she was trying to say.
She pointed out that when one girl in the group does something like start wearing makeup or thongs or dating boys, the others want to as well. “You need to discuss these things with other parents because when one girl takes a step toward womanhood, they all want to take that same step immediately,” she told him.
The dad was confused as to why he should have to share that information with other parents. As his daughter’s only parent, it was his decision to make. But then he began to question if he did the right thing.
Commenters assured him that he was doing everything right.
The comment section was full of fellow parents and women who assured the single dad that he was doing just fine.
“Literally no one discusses what kind of underwear their child is wearing with their friends’ parents. They especially don’t need permission from someone else to buy underwear for their kids,” one commenter wrote. “I’d also not be allowing my child over there anymore. Guarantee that her kid is the one telling her mom your kid is ‘showing it to boys.’”
“In response to your girlfriend’s argument: you didn’t fail the parent girls womanhood group chat thing. Didn’t fail to post in it because it doesn’t exist,” someone else pointed out. “There isn’t one. You starting one is bizarre. You starting one discussing little girls underwear is very very alarming. There was no established parent group chat. You failed nothing.”
“I’m a mom of a 12 year old girl. It would never occur to me to talk to any other parent about underwear. Or make up. Possibly dating, but in a ‘she’s growing up so fast’ way, not for permission,” another parent commented.
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