Since the beginning of time, people have cheated on their partners. For many people who partake in extramarital affairs, it comes with a deep sense of shame and secrecy. And while some people get caught, others keep their clandestine relationships under the radar. Sometimes these romances end in fairytale-style commitments, but they often blow up, hurting everyone involved.
Unfortunately things get more complicated when children get involved. What do you do when you find out you’re pregnant with your married boyfriend’s baby? Women who have been in this position took to Reddit to share their stories.
I’m pregnant … again.
“My loser married man (I have finally seen the light) has asked me to get two abortions since we have been together these last 5 years. I am once again pregnant. Yes I’m on the pill. I had asked him about getting a vasectomy. His final reply to me was that no he will not get one because one day he may want (obviously with his wife). I have not told him I’m pregnant. I have decided to end things with him and just focus on what I need because I know he will tell me to abort this one too. I will not be doing so.” –soli_kao9
What if karma gets me back?
“So a few months ago I told one of my longest friends about the affair. I wound up getting pregnant by him a couple months later. We decided that while he works on separate and divorcing from his wife that I would tell people it was from a tinder hook up. If he eventually is able to go legit then he’d be the step dad. He will not be on the birth certificate and it bothers him but that’s the situation. Anyway, on a girls beach trip my friend saw a message and his name pop up on my apple car play. I mentioned that we decided to stay friends no matter what before the affair started as we didn’t want to trash a 15 year friendship. She messaged me privately last night after we had all gone to bed a rant about how I’m a shitty person for staying friends with him and acting like I didn’t do anything wrong. So now I’m just sitting on the beach pregnant trying not to cry. He is the person I go to when I’ve been suicidal or felt like self harming in the past. The only one who knows how bad I get. After being in an emotional abusive and manipulative relationship where I started a sleeping pill habit I’ve felt nothing but alone or a chore to my other friends. Every time I get a cramp or a growing pain all I can think of is what if karma gets me back by making me miscarry or have a still birth or what if I die during childbirth. My mom is in her 70’s and can’t take in a newborn if that happens. My child would have no one. And just having a friend call you a horrible person makes you feel like you deserve that to happen. Anyway I just came here to vent since I’m getting enough judgement on my decisions.” –Pale-Stranger2008
Do I tell him I’m pregnant?
“So I was (27) the OW for a MM (34) for about 3.5 years. Started off just physical, moved our way into a romantic relationship, falling in love and acting like we were together, and then moved our way back to just physical when he decided he was still in love with his wife and needed to work things out with her – but being the narcissist he is, couldn’t fully let me go. And me being the insecure attached I am, decided getting some of him was better than none. I’m now almost 4 months pregnant with his baby, no idea how it happened, and am unsure what to do about him. I’ve had a plan for a while now to end things, he would never be interested in a child with me, and have taken the steps to do so – we’re officially done now. But I’ve been pondering and am unsure – do I tell him? Do I keep this a secret? I know he would never harm me or my baby, but is it safer to protect this secret, and protect him in a sense? Or is it the right thing to at least let him know? No judgement please! Just some details. He is a narcissist, was controlling, emotionally abusive, the whole yard. He’s been with his wife 13 years, a toxic marriage as well, and volatile but they will never divorce.” –Past-Feeling-5606
The local moms group is trying to out us.
“Really complicated situation that’s intensified because I’m pregnant and only have like 2.5 months left. It’s like we settled into the new norm of me being pregnant, now the reality of the baby coming soon is hitting us hard.
We live in a town that loves to gossip (lots of old school Italians) and there was an anonymous post in the local moms group describing both of us saying they’re looking for his wife because she deserves to know. His wife is crazy (confirmed by someone who knows her) so we’re both afraid of her finding out. He said she will take everything in a divorce because he has a prenup and about cheating). I’ve been trying to tell him he needs to file for divorce before she finds out (it’s inevitable at some point), and he could also be involved with his son without going behind her back. The double life is starting to wear on him too. His kids are in their 20s so it’s not like they’re young. I mentioned us getting married for the benefits and he seems on board. But like, I don’t know if I’d want to be with him the rest of my life either, so when I retract he gets upset.
This is all so emotionally heavy. We still have times we forget it’s happening and it’s heavenly again, but man, it’s tough. Be careful out there.” –throwaway0111000
I’m scared out of my mind.
“Still in shock as I’m writing this so I apologize if a lot of it doesn’t make sense. I’ve been in this relationship with a MM for two, going on three years now. We met at work before he married his wife. We’ve always talked about getting married, having kids, etc. etc. but I never wanted any of that to happen until he left his wife. Well, I just found out I’m pregnant. We had slept together around Thanksgiving and I haven’t been able to see him since. We took all the necessary precautions like we always do. My period was late, and I started noticing some changes so I took a test. It was positive. I don’t even know what to say to him. He and his wife don’t have any kids, and they’ll be married for two years in March. I’m scared out of my mind. He has awful anxiety so I know this news is going to shake him. I’m terrified for what’s going to happen next.” –Any_Corgi_3213
Building a new life for baby.
“Long story short (I think), I got involved with my own MM, fell so deep in love, had all the ups and downs of that life for a few years, found out I was pregnant (unplanned), and now I am a single mother to my babe who fills my heart everyday. Life as the OW is no longer for me. Yes I miss the good times, the love, the friendship and more. Those moments hit hard and I still think fondly of them at times (NC 2yrs). But there is so much I do not miss or want back. Thank you all! Because this sub helps me remember that. Being the OW was a life I knew. I learned a lot along the way, and still am through a whole lot of reflecting. It was something I needed at the time. Now, I’m slowly but surely building a life I WANT for me and my babe. And I feel pretty darn good about things.” –Ecstatic_Design1241
We’re neighbors.
“I met MM because he is my neighbor. Although we were always friendly with eachother we never really talked that much or hung out. Eventually we became friends because our kids would hang out. At the time I was married and he was engaged. My husband and I were going through a hard time in a marriage because I was chronically ill and at the time no doctors could figure out what was wrong with me and my husband became very cold and distant toward me and started treating me terribly and undermining my parenting. MM was there for me and was always there to encourage me and listen to me. He was also going through a hard time in his relationship so what started off as a friendship eventually turned into an emotional affair and that led into a physical affair.
This went on and off for 2 years. He was there for me when I left my husband and started the divorce process and that actually brought us so much closer. He told me he loved me and we began to talk about what the future would look like if we were to ever be together, but i knew we never would be, it just was a fantasy because I would never ask him to walk away from his relationship. We even talked about children because of my health condition i couldn’t be on birth control and even though we both agreed we would have an awesome kid, neither of us wanted one at our age. I’m 34f and he’s 40m. Eventually I did get pregnant though and I told him as soon as I found out and he said he wanted to do whatever I wanted to do. I told him I wanted to have an abortion but I ended up have a miscarriage.
After the pregnancy and miscarriage, he started to get really possessive of me, started calling me his girlfriend and asking me to call him my boyfriend. Through out his engagement ring that his fiance made him wear right in front me. Asked me to not talk or see anyone else which is something he was fine with before because I was with my husband since I was 16 and he was the only man I experienced before MM. He said he was going to leave her for me and started making plans to. He was spending all his time with me and when he was with her he was always messaging me. I started having issues with my health again due to changes in medications which led my husband to take my kids from me so I have been dealing with court and custody issues so I had to back away from MM and put focus elsewhere. I guess in doing so he didn’t feel I cared or something and he then proceeded to marry his fiancé. Not even a week after they got married he is trying to hit me back up saying they aren’t married on paper and he just went through the motions to make her happy. I dont know. My mind is all over the place and honestly I love him, but I need to focus on my health and getting my kids home where they belong. Its taking a toll on my mental and physical well-being.” –Illustrious_Sun9389
I don’t want to blow up his life.
“My AP isn’t married but he lives with the mother of his children. We’ve been seeing each other for close to a year and a half and I’m apparently in the 2% fail rate for the Nuva ring… I just found out a few days ago that I’m pregnant and am freaking out. At my age and with my income, I know that I’m keeping it regardless. But I don’t even know how to begin to break this news to him?! How do you tell someone that you’re about to ruin their current life???? I love him and don’t want to blow his life up but for once I’m going to put myself first in this relationship. Anyone have any advice?!” –cltlv
He wasn’t there for our daughter’s birth.
“I’ve been in a relationship with a married man for 6 years. Every time I decided to get out of the relationship, he did these grand gestures to get me to stay. The last time I attempted to get out of the relationship, he said he wanted to have a baby and he would leave his wife. I got pregnant and lost the baby a couple of months later. Then I got pregnant again. He kept wanting more time to tell his wife, so I gave it to him. The further along I went in my pregnancy, the colder he got and the more time he wanted to tell his wife. My daughter was born 4 months ago. He wasn’t there for her birth or any of my doctors appts or anything. He has been kinder since she was born and sees her once or twice a week and gives me some money (I have no idea if the amount he is giving me is what he would be giving me if I went through the courts). He keeps putting off telling his wife. If he is never planning on actually telling his wife, should I cut him off from seeing his daughter before she knows who he is? I don’t want my daughter to feel like a secret.
I’m happy to have found this thread. I don’t have many people to speak to about this and feel very alone.” –Buckpizza
I found out it’s twins.
“Seriously, how does a man do so much to convince you he wants a life and children with you so you’ll have unprotected sex with him only for him to turn around and blocked you at every avenue when you have proof proof you’re pregnant with their child? Today, I found out it’s twins. I even ended up messaging his sister who I had been friends with since college to ask her to have him contact me and sent her the proof and she also didn’t respond. I just don’t understand how an entire family can be so cowardly and full of shit. How do women not kick the ass of their male family members who ignore someone pregnant with their children? I really am going to have to make sure my baby has my morals and standards because their father’s entire family can eat shit. People can talk shit about the OW all they want, but I’m not the one who cheated on a wife. I was the one who believed his lies and stayed faithful. I’m also the one who broke up with him when he didn’t file for divorce like he said he was going to. And now I’m the one with the babies. Ugh, just needed to rant.” –No_Initiative7319
My married boyfriend is also my boss.
“My boss had an affair with me and I had a baby to him, he has a wife and kids who are currently unaware but he is wanting to tell them. How should he go about telling them and introducing his kids to my baby when the time is right? The father loves our baby and visits most days but never for long, it hurts me that my baby is missing out on having a together family and that this is their normal. I am worried that once it is all out in the open that the wife will make me lose my job and then be left with no support as I am currently not getting any child support payment because I did not want to name the father and he said he would help out, so far he has helped a little but not as much as he had originally promised he would, and I don’t think his wife will want him to help me very much once she knows. When and how would I tell my child any of this, where to even start?” –FracturedLine
