Husband Calls Overworked Wife ‘Abusive’ for Refusing To Cook ‘Plain’ Meals for Him & Sons

One of the surprisingly stressful things about parenting is mealtime. It's something that should be easy, given we eat so many times throughout the day, but there are always inevitable complications. Someone's favorite meal becomes their least favorite. Others don't like anything remotely spicy, and others have to avoid food triggers or allergies. It's hard, and one family may be realizing that sometimes, compromise is necessary.

A husband and dad took to Reddit to get some advice after an argument erupted with his wife over mealtime.

Posting to Reddit's AITA community, one husband sought advice on a situation that happened at home. Before asking his question, he gave some history of his family.

"I (M38) have been married to my wife (F39) for 15 years. We have a daughter (F12) and twin sons (M7)," he wrote in the since-deleted post. "I am a European white man while my wife is of south Asian descendant. My wife usually cooks our meals and because of her culture she usually cooks spicy dishes for herself and my daughter, while makes me plain dishes as I can't handle it."

"My wife tries to cook her traditional meals for our sons like she does for our daughter," OP continued. "The boys can't handle spice as well as them so they tend to not eat them, which leads to her usually making three different types of meals. Even though boys can't eat the dishes that my wife makes, they still get upset when their mom and sister eats a different, more nicer looking dish."

Sounds about right in terms of the over-complications that happen at mealtime. But it got worse.

"Last night, my wife was having a bad day (she's a surgeon) and our sons wanted to try the dish she was making. Whenever they ask to try her dishes, she gets really excited that the kids want to eat food from her culture," OP said. "They convinced her and she only made that dish for all of us. The dish was really spicy, it had onions in it and a bunch of other spices," he wrote.

lunu miris

Onions. OP felt the onions were too spicy. (The dad later confirmed that the meal in question was lunu miris, a traditional Sri Lankan meal.

"The onions were really strong and spicy," he continued. "I literally couldn't look at the dish without my eyes watering and had to go outside for fresh air. The same thing happened to the twins too but my wife and daughter were used to it, as it's their favourite dish," he added.

The dad said that he and the twin boys could not finish their dinner and were still hungry.

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"As we couldn't finish the dish and we weren't full, the twins asked if she could make something else," he wrote. "My wife snapped. She yelled at us. She said, 'no' and that they asked for it, that she was tired of having to make different foods for the family. She left the room and the kids ate a bit of the food, while crying except my daughter."

The dad thought it would be a good idea to "confront" his wife later about this. "I later confronted her when everyone was sleep. I told her that it was messed up that she made the kids eat something they can't handle and essentially called her abusive," he admitted.

"She then started crying saying she was done with me, that maybe our sons could handle her food and culture, if it wasn't for me being gatekeeping them and babying them. Her blaming me made me pretty angry, I can't lie and the argument went on further."

His wife walked away from the conversation, and it didn't get better from there.

"It ended up with her walking away and muttering something about how 'her family was right about marrying into a white family,' which really hurt me," OP wrote. "Before our wedding, I walked in on her and my in-laws talking about things like 'he might not understand our culture,' and that 'his family might be judgemental and not like it,' or that 'if she moved to my country (the country we live in currently) that they might not accept our beliefs and traditions.

"Now, I'm kind of doubting myself but my family says that I'm in the right and that she's dramatic," he added.

OP asked the Reddit community if he was wrong and if he should apologize, and Reddit let him have it.

"YTA," one person wrote. "You really let your wife make multiple meals to appease the whole family? Why don't you cook then? And the kids said they wanted to try it, it's not her fault they then changed their mind. If it's that hard for you and your sons, you should cook then. Edit: You owe your wife the biggest of apologies. A sincere apology. I can't believe you called her abusive."

Someone else agreed. "I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart, that this post is one of the clearest YTA I've ever seen on this site. "Your wife is a surgeon, which is an extremely hard profession, and she cooks THREE DIFFERENT meals each day? You shouldn't yell at her. You should get on your knees and thank her every godd— day for what she's doing for you and your kids. How about YOU pick up some of the slack and do the cooking? I mean obviously her reaction wasn't perfect but she's probably under a lot [of] stress and was bound to snap one day." The person recommended, "You should definitely apologize to your wife!"

"YTA," a third person agreed. "Cook the meals then if you can't handle spice. And seriously? ONIONS are too spicy? Let me guess, you just put salt on the chicken with no pepper or anything else don't you? Onions are not a spice for one thing. For another … Your wife is a surgeon? And you expect her to do all the cooking? Get your lazy butt up and cook for your kids. It ain't that hard, especially since you seem to not season anything. Slap a chicken breast in a pan, cook that bland pasta. Bam, dinner's done."

The person finished the comment with, "Onions aren't a spice. I swear if you're not a troll then go take some cooking classes please."

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