As anyone who has ever had a challenging father-in-law or drama queen sibling can confirm, family relationships can be hard. And when that family is rich, powerful, and super famous with a complicated history? Well, let's just say that the average family seems like a piece of cake compared to the British royal family. Although the royals are usually expected to keep a stiff upper lip about their challenges and frustrations, Prince Harry has never been shy about breaking with tradition.
And with the release of his highly anticipated memoir, Spare, that fact has never been more true. In both the book itself and the interviews leading up to its debut, the Duke of Sussex is truly not holding back. It seems like he's willing to burn it all down to get his truth out there, and at this point, it almost seems like there's no dirty laundry left for the royal family to hide.
Not that we can blame him, of course — between dealing with trolls and the vicious British media leading up to (and after) his marriage to Meghan Markle to what he's had to deal with growing up in the monarchy, it has to feel good to let it all out.
Harry's not afraid to say what he really thinks, and we do have to admire him for that — and TBH, we also have to thank him for being the one to share all the gossip we never would have heard about the royals any other way!
Never Been Normal
One of the common themes of Harry's ongoing comments about his family is that the way he was raised has made it impossible for him to have a normal life. When talking to a reporter in 2013 following his return from his second tour in Afghanistan, he said (via Vanity Fair): "I don't know what is normal anymore. I never really have."
Total Neglect
Harry and Meghan's spring 2021 interview with Oprah Winfrey was filled with both new revelations and direct criticisms. Harry pointed out that his own family failed to provide the couple with help, even amid serious mental health concerns. "I thought my family would help, but every single ask, request, warning, whatever it is, just got me with total silence or total neglect," he said.
The Need To Escape
Harry has always been rightfully proud of his military service, but there are some people who think he's even shading his family when he talks about that time. In his Apple TV+ series, The Me You Can't See, Harry described his years in the army as the "happiest time" and "best escape" from the obligations that come with being part of his high-profile family.
No Shade for Princess Diana
Although Harry has had a lot to say about his father, King Charles, and his shortcomings as a father, he's always spoken with nothing but love for his late mother, Princess Diana. In Harry: A Biography of a Prince by Angela Levin, Harry gave his mom — and only his mom — credit for showing him "an ordinary life." He even said he was glad that she, and not his dad, made it so he wasn't "completely cut off from reality."
The Uncomfortable History
The royal family is often seen as a symbol of British history, and until her death in September 2022, Queen Elizabeth was the monarch of the 15 diverse nations in the Commonwealth. Even though many members of the royal family have been happy to make splashy tours of Commonwealth countries, it surely raised eyebrows when Harry publicly acknowledged the "uncomfortable" fact of the racist history of British colonialism and its actions toward Commonwealth nations, especially knowing how close he had always been with his late grandmother.
These remarks, made during a 2020 video conference with youth from around the Commonwealth, were interpreted by many as a first step by the royal family to own up to past racism. But some critics of Harry argued that he was basically calling his own grandmother — and multiple previous generations of his family — racist. Ouch.
No Love From Charles
One of the bigger bombshells in the Oprah interview was that Harry was willing to publicly call out his father's lack of support for him and Meghan as they tried to make the transition out of a working royal life. Harry even shared that Charles had stopped taking his phone calls at a time when his son needed him most.
Living in a Zoo
In an interview on the Armchair Expert podcast with Dax Shepard and Monica Padman, Harry very unflatteringly described the childhood his family created for him and his brother as being like a bad combination of the movie The Truman Show and living in a zoo. Yikes!
Present for the Milestones
In another example of subtle shade, Harry has spoken frequently about wanting to be a different (dare we say better?) parent than his father. In a 2020 conversation with activist Malala Yousafzai, Harry talked about how he's been able to be present for all of son Archie's first milestones and how he wanted to make sure Archie didn't have to endure the things he experienced as a child.
Skin Color Scandal
Although he has never publicly named the person who said it, Harry did confirm after the Oprah interview that a member of the royal family engaged in speculation prior to his birth about what possible skin color Archie could have. Some royal loyalists may call that criticizing or gossip, but we say that pointing out racism is always a fair critique.
Breaking Toxic Family Cycles
Harry has been refreshingly open about the benefits of therapy, which has probably helped him see and be willing to criticize the parenting choices his grandparents made. Harry called out Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip on the Armchair Expert podcast when he shared that he looked at his father's childhood and "started to piece it together and go, 'OK, so this is where he went to school, this is what happened, I know this about his life. I also know that is connected to his parents, so that means he's treated me the way he was treated, so how can I change that for my own kids?'"
Pushed Out by the Family
Harry and Meghan have been the targets of brutal trolling and criticism over their decision to step back as working royals and move to California. Harry has clapped back at these critiques by sharing with Oprah that it was actually the total "lack of support and lack of understanding" from his own family that forced them to make that choice.
The Truth About 'The Crown'
Even though other members of the royal family refuse to admit they watch The Crown (C'mon, they have to watch, right?), Harry confirmed in an interview with James Corden that the show gets some of the details right. He shared that it was spot-on when they showed absent parents who put "service above family and everything else," something that can only be seen as a dig at the Queen and his father.
Trapped by Family
Life as a royal is all about duty and privilege. Even though we'd hope that being a member of a royal family would feel like being a member of a loving family, according to Harry it actually feels somewhat like a prison. He famously shared with Oprah that he was "trapped. Trapped within the system like the rest of my family. My father and my brother are trapped."
Grin & Bear It
There's a whole stereotype about British people having to keep a "stiff upper lip" and never ask for help, no matter how much they might need extra love and support from their family. Unfortunately for Harry, it seems that stereotype was true. He confided on the Armchair Expert podcast that he was told for years that the toxic British press was something his family said he'd just "have to accept," leaving him feeling like "There's absolutely no way out of this."
Behind the Curtain
One of the interesting things about how open Harry has been in calling out his family is that it appears there is much more he hasn't shared. In his interview with Dax Shepard, he alluded to how messed up things can be, saying, "I've seen behind the curtain … [and I] didn't want any part of this." Sounds like there could still be tea to be spilled when it comes to the royal family.
Not a Comforting Father
In the recent past, Harry has made remarks that King Charles was never the most emotionally available father, and according to what he wrote in his memoir, that also applies to the moment when Charles told his son, then 12 years old, that his mother, Princess Diana, had died.
"Pa didn't hug me. He wasn't great at showing emotions under normal circumstances — how could he be expected to show them in such a crisis?" Harry wrote, admitting that his dad did, at least, put a hand on his knee.
It's All Kate's Fault
Who made who cry over bridesmaid dresses before Meghan and Harry's 2018 wedding will be a debate that royal experts are having until the end of time, but in Spare Harry made it clear that, in his version of the story, it was Kate who made Meghan cry as they finished up last-minute preparations for the wedding. Apparently, Kate wanted all the dresses remade since Princess Charlotte's didn't fit her well.
What's more? Kate knew she was in the wrong enough to come by with flowers as an apology the next day. Hmm …
William's Attack
One of the more shocking parts of Harry's memoir details a fight that turned physical between him and his brother, Prince William. As Harry tells it, William was visiting him at Nottingham Cottage when he called Meghan words like "abrasive" and "difficult" and ultimately ended up hitting Harry and egging him on to hit him back.
"He set down the water, called me another name, then came at me. It all happened so fast. So very fast," Harry wrote. "He grabbed me by the collar, ripping my necklace, and he knocked me to the floor. I landed on the dog's bowl, which cracked under my back, the pieces cutting into me. I lay there for a moment, dazed, then got to my feet and told him to get out."
No Room on the Plane
After the Queen's death, there were rumors that the royals didn't include Harry in their plans to say goodbye, despite the fact that he and Meghan happened to be in the UK nearby William and Kate at the time — something that Harry confirmed during an interview with 60 Minutes in January 2023.
"I asked my brother — I said, 'What are your plans? How are you and Kate getting up there?' And then, a couple of hours later, you know, all of the family members that live within the Windsor and Ascot area were jumping on a plane together," he said, adding, "I was not invited."
Camilla as a Villain
During the same interview, Harry shared that he and William hadn't been happy about their father's choice to marry Camilla Parker Bowles, and even went so far as to call her "dangerous" because of her need to "rehabilitate her image" after she was so entangled in the unraveling of Charles and Diana's marriage.
"That made her dangerous because of the connections that she was forging within the British press," Harry said. "And there was open willingness on both sides to trade information. And with a family built on hierarchy, and with her, on the way to being queen consort, there was gonna be people or bodies left in the street because of that."
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