Have you ever found yourself lost in a moment of passion with a stranger, entangled in a threesome, or engaged in hot sex with your boss — in your dreams? If so, you are not alone. Dream expert Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, author of Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life, says those scenarios are among the most common erotic dreams.
A recent study released by the University of Montreal found that sex dreams make up about eight percent of all dreams for both men and women. However, for women, sexy dreaming is more likely to coincide with certain flux in hormones, according to Loewenberg.
“In my research, I have found that sexual content in women's dreams rises during ovulation,” she says. And hormones can also take the rap for some of the juicy, vivid sex dreams many pregnant women report.
“The culprit is likely the increase in progesterone, which can make many women feel more ‘randy’ than normal,” she says. “In addition, it increases the amount of time spent in REM (dream) sleep, which provides the delightful combination of vivid sex dreams!”
Interestingly, and perhaps not surprisingly, eroticism in the REM state is not always about sex.
__"__Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, as they say,” Loewenberg points out. “If you find someone attractive and then have a sexual dream about them, it is a safe and private way to explore that possibility in your head.”
“But typically, sexual content in a dream is more often about a psychological union you need rather than a physical union you want, which is why we sometimes have naughty dreams about someone we would not even touch with a ten foot pole,” she says. “It's not so much about desiring the person in the dream but more about desiring or needing some quality they possess. Sex is the ultimate union between two individuals so the dreaming mind will use that union to symbolize a union or merging of qualities or behaviors into our own psyche.”
We asked Loewenberg to help enlighten us about the meaning of 15 top sex dreams.
Have you had any interesting sex dreams recently?
Images © Charmer/Shutterstock and © Maksim Shirkov/Shutterstock
Dreams About a Mystery Man
How popular is a sex dream about a mystery man and what exactly does it mean? Is it foretelling a future dalliance?
The mystery man dream is the most common of all sex dreams for women. It's rarely about a soul mate that might be out there somewhere waiting to meet us. Our dreams have a cool way of showing us the different parts of our personality in the form of a person so we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and what makes us tick. That being said, the mystery man is the embodiment, the personification of the qualities we tend to associate with the male gender: assertiveness, speaking your mind, bringing home the bacon, etc. Whenever a woman needs to assert herself or take charge in some form or fashion — such as when she is up for a promotion, when she is a single parent and has to play the role of both, or when she needs to speak up for herself during the day — these are the times when the mystery lover will pay her a visit at night.
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Dreams About an Ex
What if an ex-lover or ex-spouse shows up in a dream? Is this a wish for a reunion or just a moment of reconnecting with the past?
The ex we dream about the most is our first love. It can be decades since he was in your life but yet you still may find yourself having naughty dreams about him or trying to rekindle the romance. All these years later, he is no longer playing himself but rather symbolizes the excitement, passion, and the feelings of being desired that first love brings. He usually shows up in our dreams when we are in a dry spell or your current relationship has become a bit too routine. He serves as a reminder that you need to spice up your romantic life so you can feel young and alive again.
Dreaming of an ex that broke your heart or that treated you badly can be a sign that you are stuck emotionally and have not allowed yourself to move on. These dreams are a clear indication that you have not healed in which case the dreams will continue until you let go and leave the past in the past. It is impossible to move forward while you are still holding on to what is behind you.
Dreams About Cheating
If a woman dreams about cheating on her mate, is it a sign she is restless in the marriage or does it represent something else? And should she felt guilty about it?
It can be. If you know you are unhappy in the marriage and are getting these dreams, it is a push from your subconscious to correct the situation in a healthy manner. But if these dreams seem to be coming out of nowhere then ask yourself what is the third wheel in your relationship? It's not likely another man but rather another thing you are giving your time and attention to that, deep down, you know is taking away from your time and attention with your mate. Is it a new baby that's taking all your affection and energy? Is it your job? Whatever it is, your dream is showing you that you are cheating your mate out of the time he wants with you.
Dreams About Sex With a Celebrity
Many women dream about sex with a particular celebrity. Some think it means they are meant to meet that person? What do you think celebrity sex dreams represent?
If you have the hots for a certain celebrity and then have a sexual dream about him, it is merely the way your subconscious is safely exploring the fantasy. But more often than not, the celebrity you dream about symbolizes something important to you … no matter how random the celebrity may seem. The trick to figure it out is to ask yourself what about this celebrity stands out to you? Is it a movie he was in? A character he played? A song he sings? What? You will find something relevant to your life in the movie, the character, title of the song or the lyrics. For example, one of my clients had been having naughty dreams about Lenny Kravitz. She was pretty indifferent to him so she wasn't sure why. I asked her what first came to mind when she thought of him. She replied, The Hunger Games movies. Turns out, she had started a strict diet and was trying to get used to the hunger she was feeling. There is always a connection!
Dreams About Sex With a Co-Worker
Is there a special meaning in a dream of sex with a co-worker?
Remember, sex dreams are most often about uniting the qualities or behaviors of others into your own self in order to improve yourself. With the co-worker, there may be a quality of theirs that you need. Perhaps they have a way of not getting their feathers ruffled and can stay calm and collected during the most stressful times. Or maybe the boss really likes them. What stands out about them to you? That is likely the quality you need to incorporate into your own self. Sometimes sex with a co-worker can mean you need to have a meeting of the minds with them for the sake of work.
Dreams About Sex With Your Boss
What about dreaming of sex with the boss? Is it a need to connect intimately with authority?
In most cases, yes, it is about taking on a more authoritative role in your own life, taking charge. Depending on the circumstances, it could also mean you need to unite with your boss psychologically in some way perhaps in a project for work or perhaps to simply better understand where he or she is coming from. It's ultimately all for your own benefit.
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Dreams About Sex With a Woman
You mention girl-on-girl sex is a popular dream. What does it mean for most women?
If you have a lesbian dream and you are straight as an arrow, no need to question your sexuality. First take a look at who your lover is in the dream. If it is someone you know or know of, use that same rule of thumb and ask yourself what stands out about that person to you. There is likely a quality or behavior you need to or are actively incorporating into yourself. If it's an unknown female, then it is more about the qualities of the gender. For example, lesbian dreams are extremely common during pregnancy because there is nothing more feminine than carrying life and giving birth. But it could also mean you are becoming a more nurturing and caring person, more creative or more sensitive, or you are just very proud of your feminine wiles.
Dreams About a Threesome
Women often dream of a threesome. Is one woman with two men the most popular? What does the dream mean?
What I have found with the threesome dream is that it is most often the dreamer, her current partner and the third individual is equally male or female. I have also found that a woman will dream of a threesome if she and her partner have discussed the possibility before. In this case, it is usually her subconscious safely exploring the scenario. But when a woman has this dream and has never had the discussion nor would ever want a threesome, it is often because she and her partner have taken on some new element into their relationship that requires equal attention from both of them such as starting a new business, refurbishing an old house, etc.
Dreams in Which You Are a Man
What does it mean if you dream of being a different gender while having sex?
Gender bending dreams can really be a head scratcher. When a woman dreams of having male genitalia, it is often because she needs to "man up" in some way or "grow a pair" and be more assertive. Having sex as a man suggests she is actively using her male assertive qualities in life and is enjoying the benefits.
Dreams About Masturbation
Does a dream in which you are masturbating mean you need to take pleasure into your own hands?
Masturbation is self-pleasure and so in a dream it is often about feeling pleased with yourself in real life or that you need to focus on your own needs for once.
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Dreams About Sex With a Friend
When you dream about sex with a friend, does it reveal a secret, hidden crush?
Rarely. If the crush is there, you will know about it before the dream. Most often, dreaming of sex with a friend is a reflection of your closeness with them. You may have had a deep and meaningful conversation with your friend the day prior or perhaps you bonded in a way you hadn't before, you came together on some level.
Dreams About Oral Sex
Does an oral sex dream have a particular meaning, and is it different depending on whether you are giving or receiving?
Yes, it does have a different meaning depending on who is giving and who is receiving. Typically, any dream that involves the mouth as a focus will be connected to communication. Oral sex in a dream is often about intimate and satisfying conversation.
Dreams in Which You Orgasm
And if you have an orgasm, what does it represent? Also, we’ve heard of wet dreams for men, but does a woman’s body also come along for the ride?
For women, most sex dreams do end in an actual orgasm and it is typically a by-product of the dream. Interestingly enough, after the mid-twenties, men's sex dreams rarely end in orgasm. The body doesn't know the difference between a dreaming event and a waking event, so it reacts the same with each. During a sex dream, the brain is sending signals to our nether region that sex is happening, so the genitals respond in the way they would if it were really happening. Think of it as icing on the cake.
Dreams About BDSM
What if you dream about rough sex, or a BDSM experience of being tied up? Is this a real desire or just a fantasy of something you find arousing?
It could simply mean you are excited about the Fifty Shades of Grey movie! But on a more serious note, it can suggest that you are feeling tied down or restricted by a relationship in which case it would be time to seriously evaluate things in the relationship in real life.
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Dreams in Which You Are Dominated
We’ve always heard one of the most popular female fantasies is being ‘taken’ and dominated by a man. What does it mean in a dream? Do we really want that in real life?
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and you are safely exploring the scenario subconsciously. However, on a deeper level, it could mean you need to give in to your male assertive side. A lot of us gals hold back in the workplace or in relationships because we don't want to be labeled the B-word or we just want to get along so we won't speak our mind or assert ourselves in some way. This sort of dream is giving you permission to grow a pair!
For more information about Lauri Quinn Loewenberg and Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, visit LauriLoewenberg.com.
