Can two people really move forward after tragedy and indiscretion? Or at least fake it well enough for loved ones to believe it? That's the hope that one dad has after his cancer-stricken wife caught him cheating and now wants to separate. But because his wife doesn't have much time left, he doesn't think that's the best move for his family. Instead, he's asking his sick wife to stick it out so their kids can have "happy memories" during the time they have left together.
The whole thing started when the writer's wife discovered his affair.
As he explained in a post on Reddit, his wife found out about his affair only days ago, but it shouldn't be too surprising because they've been in a "downward spiral" with no intimacy for years.
"We've been living like roommates and staying together for the sake of our kids, who are six and eleven," he wrote. "I don't know if she's cheated on me, but I suspect so, and really I don't care, our relationship isn't about us anymore and it hasn't been for a long time."
And although it would be easy enough to say that this couple should split, things are more complicated because of his wife's cancer diagnosis in October.
"I've been by her side giving her the emotional support she needs and taking care of her when she's helpless due to chemo" he wrote. "If she'd gone to screenings like I've suggested to her over the years, they could have caught it early enough that treatment would've been more effective." Now, his family is left "planning our last Christmas together" due to her devastating prognosis.
Now that his wife knows the truth, she wants to leave -- despite the support he's been providing since her diagnosis.
Because of his infidelity, the dad wrote that his wife wants to tell their kids that "mom and dad need space from each other and that she wants to move in with her mom," he wrote. "I think it's better if we act like nothing happened for the sake of our kids so that they have the memory of a happy family for the last year with their mother."
But there's another reason he wants to spend the little time they have left as an unchanged family unit. "If we live separately, the kids will eventually find out why we split and they might hate me for it, causing lasting damage to our relationships," he wrote. "Of course, if she somehow makes a recovery, I'm more than open to the idea of a divorce."
Is he wrong for wanting to tough it out for the sake of the kids?
Let's not mice words. Most of Internet was not on this dad's side.
"Your wife is sick and doesn't want to be around you," one person wrote in the comments. "You're waiting for her to DIE so that your kids don't have to find out that you're an (expletive). I hope you can see how horrible that is. She needs to focus on her recovery for the sake of your children, as well as herself, and you have no right to ask her to stay if she chooses to leave."
"In addition to everything else, did it ever occur to you that maybe her last year of life would suck even more than necessary if she had to spend it living side by side with your (expletive)-of-the-year self? And pretending everything was fine and dandy?" another person wrote. "It's not your wife’' job to protect you from the consequences of your own actions. If you wanted your kids to see you as an awesome family man you probably shouldn't have had an affair."
And a third person agreed. "Kids know when something is up, trust me. And I think your wife's explanation sounds solid. You hurt her, bad. And she has every right to not want to be near you," the person added.
But some people did agree that the kids should not be brought into their parents' mess.
Although one person did not believe that the couple should stay together, that person did agree the writer wasn't wrong for wanting to make happy memories for his kids. "NTA for wanting to keep your infidelity from the kiddos," the person commented. "This is a grown-up issue between you and your wife. Your children should not be subjected to adult topics at their ages. And really, it is nobody's business but yours and wife's."
"The kids don't need to be brought into adult issues," another person agreed.
"You're looking out for your kids," someone else added. "This post wasn't about you cheating, you know you're an (expletive) for that. But if you want to give them a happy last year together, I can't blame you."
At the very least, maybe mom and dad should take some time apart from each other and come up with a plan that makes both of them happy during this difficult time.
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